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More Knowledge for a Lasting Marriage Plus a Listener Activity!


In episode 6 of Marriage Coach 444 No BS, I had the pleasure of discussing essential marriage principles and personal anecdotes that highlight the importance of incremental change in creating the marriage of your dreams.

It was a fun episode where we asked you, our loyal listeners to participate too! Here are some of the nuggets from the episode:

Building Teamwork into Your DNA

Teamwork is foundational. It’s essential to consider your relationship a partnership where both parties work together towards common goals.

teamwork is essential for a lasting marriage

This involves protecting your partner, doubling your commitments, and consistently thinking and acting as a team. This mindset should be ingrained in your daily interactions and decisions.

The Power of Shared Interests

A personal story that resonates with this principle involves my father. He always took an interest in my hobbies, even if they weren’t his. For instance, he supported my love for aquariums despite knowing nothing about fish.

Dad supported my love for aquariums despite knowing nothing about fish.

His excitement to learn and participate in my interests made me feel valued and understood. Similarly, my wife, who dislikes horror movies, still accompanies me to watch them because she knows it makes me happy. This mutual effort to engage in each other’s interests fosters deeper connections and mutual respect.

Focus on Incremental Achievements

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the grand vision of a perfect marriage. Instead, break it down into smaller, manageable goals.

Celebrate small victories like a day without arguments or a thoughtful gesture towards your partner. These small wins build momentum and confidence, leading to more significant improvements with time.

Remember the concept of incremental change. It’s not about quick fixes or instant results, but about making small, consistent efforts to improve your relationship. As I often tell my clients, the journey to a fulfilling marriage is built one step at a time.

– Francis

Selflessness and Empathy for a Lasting Marriage

Another critical lesson is the importance of selflessness. In our current culture, there’s a strong emphasis on individual rights and personal happiness. While self-care is crucial, a thriving marriage requires balancing personal needs with the needs of your partner.

My father exemplified this by always thinking of others’ happiness, which in turn brought him joy.

Shifting your focus from “my rights” to “what can I do to make my partner happy?” can transform your relationship.

Practical Steps to Implementing Incremental Change

  1. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Whether it’s improving communication, spending more quality time together, or supporting each other’s interests, start with one small goal.
  2. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate each step forward, no matter how minor it may seem.
  3. Be Patient and Persistent: Understand that meaningful change takes time. Stay committed and patient through the process.
  4. Practice Empathy: Regularly put yourself in your partner’s shoes and consider their feelings and perspectives.

In conclusion, achieving the marriage of your dreams is a continuous journey of small, deliberate actions. By focusing on incremental change, fostering teamwork, engaging in shared interests, and practicing empathy, you can build a strong, fulfilling relationship. Let’s move beyond individual rights and start thinking about how we can support and uplift our partners, creating a mutually satisfying and thriving marriage.

Remember, the beauty is in the simplicity of taking one piece at a time, having it resonate with you, and then ultimately accomplishing that one goal and moving on to the next.

Together, we can make incremental change that leads to significant, lasting improvements in your marriage.

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