[00:05 - 00:14] Welcome to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with Francis Pekka. Over the next hour, you're going to learn what it really takes to work towards dumping
[00:14 - 00:23] average and getting the amazing marriage and life you dream of. No eggshells being walked on here. This is as authentic as it gets.
[00:26 - 00:36] being walked on here. This is as authentic as it gets. Now, here is Francis. Welcome to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with myself, Francis Pekka. As you know, we have now done five episodes onto six,
[00:36 - 00:43] and we progress through this. We just continue to make incremental change, We just continue to make incremental change.
[00:49 - 00:58] And I tell everyone I talk to, it's all about incremental change. I am Francis. My wife and I have a business, A Growing Space. It's www.agrowingspace.com.
[01:02 - 01:03] You always can reach me, 623-202-4553.
[01:08 - 01:16] Email me at coachingatagrowingspace.com. Follow us on Instagram at NoBSMarriageCoach and make the incremental change that you are more than capable of. I just want to open it up and
[01:16 - 01:25] just let everyone know that I am now doing sessions for my listeners in addition to in-person, of course, locally here in Arizona.
[01:26 - 01:34] Incremental change is something I want to talk about. It is the paramount on how to get the marriage of your dreams,
[01:34 - 01:40] how to get the life of your dreams, how to accomplish goals in your life.
[01:45 - 01:51] life. We all want quick fixes nowadays, right? Because we have phones, everything's an instant hit. Now, and if it doesn't work instantly, let's find the next instant hit. But the reality is,
[01:52 - 02:01] if we're going to make the everlasting, amazing change that you want to accomplish your goals,
[02:01 - 02:12] and ultimately the marriage of your dreams, you have to be willing to make incremental change. And that's what we're doing. As we progress through the episodes,
[02:12 - 02:27] if you're listening to each piece, they're all thought out as to each unit here, what we need to do to build. So I talk about working together as a team has to be built
[02:27 - 02:34] in your DNA. I talk about doubling down has to be built into your DNA. We talk about protecting
[02:34 - 02:46] our partner has to be built into our DNA. We have to realize that we are not going to be on this planet forever. So we need to act now. Got to get that into our DNA. We have to understand that
[02:46 - 02:59] there really is no option but to go for it. Otherwise, we're going to end up not where we want to be. So, you know, these little pieces that we continue to build on, you know, it's very easy
[02:59 - 03:09] to listen to them and say, well, that sounds great.'s fantastic what's next what's next what's next but we don't really take each piece see the beauty is in the
[03:09 - 03:20] simplicity of taking one piece at a time having it resonate with you and then ultimately accomplishing that one goal and then moving on to the next goal and
[03:20 - 03:32] accomplishing that particular task and slowly incrementally building yourself to where you need to go. If you're looking at your marriage or your life or your career
[03:32 - 03:38] or anything you want, it will just look overwhelming to try and get to where you
[03:38 - 03:50] want to go. But if you are focused, just like a business plan, and you are able to look at it and say, okay, I just need to make sure I'm protecting my partner. I just need to do that double down theory.
[03:50 - 04:03] I just need to make sure we start thinking as a team. You start adding all this together and you actually will get major results. The key is when you start getting results and you feel like, yeah, but I'm so far behind.
[04:03 - 04:16] is when you start getting results and you feel like, yeah, but I'm so far behind. You're not so far behind. It's all about one step at a time. You know, it really, really resonated with me last episode when we were talking to Stephanie
[04:16 - 04:26] and David and I said, I just keep thinking about it. When did you realize you were onto something when we didn't argue or we had three good days?
[04:27 - 04:39] You know how like a lot of many people would think three good days, what's that mean? Who cares? It's three days. It's just incremental change. Three days turns into five days, seven days, nine days.
[04:44 - 04:57] You get better, you get better one step at a time, but you have to have the patience, the resilience, the focus to just do one thing at a time. Don't put too much on your plate. Just do one and get it done right. Don't have five on your plate and get nothing right. Get one done and get it right. Move on to the next.
[04:57 - 05:08] Get another right. Build on the old ones. That's how you get it done. Yesterday, my brother-in-law sent me a picture. I live in Arizona, and they live in Philadelphia where I grew up.
[05:08 - 05:16] And he sent me a picture of my father's grave. He said, you know, I visited your father's grave yesterday, and he wanted to share that with me.
[05:24 - 05:29] And I thought about something that he did, which I teach in my sessions. And I thought it was important to communicate that.
[05:35 - 05:47] And that was that he always took interest in other people's hobbies. on our website. I love aquariums. I find them. I just love them. And my dad didn't know anything
[05:47 - 05:54] about fish. But when I started getting into fish tanks and I got one for Christmas and I got
[05:54 - 06:09] another one, he started getting excited. He was going to the store with me. He was picking out fish he always got excited about other people's interests and it's fascinating to me
[06:09 - 06:18] because we live in a world where everybody's worried about their own interests everything's about protect your rights you need to take care of yourself you need to do what's right for yourself
[06:18 - 06:31] you need to think of yourself and you know i spoke to my wife about this. We live in a world in which everyone just keeps feeding more and more about yourself. You know, this is your rights.
[06:31 - 06:38] You have a right to do this. You have a right to do that. And I was like, you know, what's the deal?
[06:38 - 06:49] And she mentions that's because there's a lot of people out there that just give so much and they don't think of themselves and they get depleted and that's why that's out there. But that's not intended to be for everybody
[06:49 - 06:53] in every situation. Just the extreme situations when somebody really doesn't think of themselves
[06:53 - 07:05] at all and they get depleted and they can't help anyone else and that's different. That's different different then every single situation in life
[07:05 - 07:15] if you are you know if you are in that specific spot where you can't be ever think of yourself in any situation fine start thinking of yourself a little bit but
[07:15 - 07:27] the majority of the time that's not the case for at least a lot of people in regular relationships we get so wrapped up into what our own interests are my rights my life this is always
[07:27 - 07:40] what i wanted and we don't think about it as a team and my father always instituted that in his life was he thought of other people and you know i'm sure he had interest he loved sports he watched
[07:40 - 07:50] them but it's like if i like fish tank next thing you know he loved fish tanks i was a big philadelphia 76ers fan i will never forget when he just out of the blue went and said oh
[07:50 - 08:00] you get so into the games he went and bought center court like i don't know how many rows just a few rows back to watch the the sixers against the chicago bulls and bought a whole
[08:00 - 08:12] package for the playoffs and watching them against mich Jordan I just was I lit up this is unbelievable what he did but he was so happy to make me happy he wasn't thinking I don't want to go to the game
[08:12 - 08:20] oh I don't want I don't like to care less about you know aquariums he always was thinking of other people but it made him happy that's the thing you think oh
[08:20 - 08:29] that's sad that's sad he never really thought of his own interest. He was happy. He was actually happy doing what other people like because he liked
[08:29 - 08:39] watching them light up. We need to start thinking about that in our lives and start thinking about what makes other people happy in the relationship as opposed to our rights.
[08:39 - 08:47] Let's get off the whole our rights. Who cares? You know, you're not going to lose your identity because you're thinking of someone else.
[08:47 - 08:56] In fact, I would argue you will get more back and satisfaction and your partner, if you have a good partner, who's going to start doing the same thing for you.
[08:56 - 09:07] And you will feel so much more happy by doing that. doing that. And so my father, I mean, my mom loved purple. That was her color. She loved purple.
[09:11 - 09:24] My dad would go to flea markets and look for purple trinkets. Now, some I'm sure she liked, some she didn't, but it didn't matter. He was happy that it was purple. He could care less about purple. She did. And that's how he thought. And I really saw how much that really impacted me.
[09:24 - 09:33] And I really saw how much that really impacted me. Of course, when you're young, you're thinking of yourself. You know, you want to know what you're going to get for a gift. And you think of, you know, receiving more than giving.
[09:38 - 09:50] And people say, you'll get more satisfaction when you get older and when you give. But it's true. But a lot of times we still hold on to our rights, especially in this day and age. And we got to get off our rights. And we got to start thinking about how to make someone else happy. I think of my wife.
[09:51 - 10:02] I love horror movies. I love them. I grew up with them. I think they're fun. You got the little adrenaline rush. And my wife hates them. She can't stand them. She can't stand them. She don't like them. Definitely don't like them.
[10:03 - 10:14] And when we go and watch a movie, especially if a horror movie, they do all the previews for horror movies. And she sits there and then she knows. She knows that there's going to be a preview that I want to see.
[10:16 - 10:23] And so she will look at me and smile and say, oh, you like that one? And I'm like, oh, we got to see it.
[10:26 - 10:36] you like that one? And I'm like, oh, we got to see it. And she'll laugh and smile. And I know what that means. It means she'll watch it with me. It means she's happy to make me happy. And don't think that doesn't matter. See, if she's worried about her rights, she's going to
[10:36 - 10:43] sit there and say, well, I don't need to go see that horror movie. I have a right not to see it. It makes me stressed. So I'm not going to see it. You know, that's my right. Yeah, that is a right. see it. It makes me stressed. So I'm not going to see it. You know, that's my right. Yeah,
[10:48 - 10:58] that is a right. But she does it anyway. And it makes me feel inside cared for. That's how you build a relationship. I try to do the same thing for her. I'm not perfect, but, you know, we'll go to a clothing store. I go with my daughter and then we have a great time.
[11:06 - 11:17] When I go with my wife, she'll stay at the same store for a long time. Clothes rack, clothes rack, after clothes rack. And after a while, I can't wait to get out, right? Because I've seen all the clothes. But you know, I do the best that I possibly can to enjoy it. I'll go for a walk. I'll say something goofy or silly just to keep me
[11:17 - 11:29] sane. And you know what? It's fun. It's not such a bad deal. Now, if I asked for five movies in a row, that's different. Or if we stayed in there for three hours, that's different. It's not such a bad deal. Now, if I ask for five movies in a row, that's different. Or if we stay in there for three hours, that's different. But you've got to think of other people.
[11:30 - 11:35] We can't always worry about our rights as if, you know, this whole world is wrapped around what we want.
[11:36 - 11:49] You want a good relationship, it's going to be a to think of what other people want in your relationship or what the other person wants in your relationship, what your children want, what they want. And you have to be a little
[11:49 - 12:01] selfless at times. And don't think that by doing that, you're losing out. That's the mistake. Oh, well, if I do that, I'll never get to get what I want. It's quite the opposite. If both
[12:01 - 12:10] people are doing this, you're going to feel so much better that you're giving to your partner to what they want rather than what you want. And if you have a good partner, they'll do
[12:10 - 12:19] the same for you. So you know what happens? You get the shop and see the horror movies. And you know what? You feel good about it, that you're a mature, growing adult working together. And that
[12:19 - 12:32] is how you get one step closer to having the marriage that you've always wanted. I want you to really think about that. Let's get off the rights, and let's get into what does the other person want.
[12:32 - 12:44] When I talked about the food and the water on the table, I mean that sincerely. Couples all the time are able to give their partner what they want that they're starving for, and vice versa.
[12:46 - 12:55] to give their partner what they want that they're starving for, and vice versa. There's things you want that your partner can give you that you are starving for. So I say you have this big table, this big table, and you have all the food in the world, and your partner's starving.
[12:56 - 13:02] And they have all the water in the world, and you are starving, and you are dying of dehydration.
[13:08 - 13:19] and you and you are dying of dehydration and yet we get very very uh cheap with what we're willing to give our partner so okay you're starving and i have all the food here's three jelly beans okay you're dying of thirst okay here's a little dixie cup of water what what what if we just give
[13:19 - 13:28] what they want how about you know what you want to see movies well let's go see the movies makes you happy how about you know what you want to shop let's go see the movies. Makes you happy. How about, you know what, you want to shop? Let's go. Let's make you happy. When you do that,
[13:28 - 13:40] you feel better. So I want you to start really thinking that way. We are so locked into this mindset of what is best for us. And you think it's rewarding you, but it's not going to reward you.
[13:41 - 13:53] There's no way someday when you're, know i don't know 75 80 85 years old you're walking together with the ducks looking at ducks and you turn around and you look at each
[13:53 - 14:05] other and you try to preserve every one of your own rights and they're preserving their rights and at that point what are you doing arguing over meatloaf i want want meatloaf. I want steak or whatever you want.
[14:09 - 14:20] But whatever it is you eat, it doesn't even matter. No, you're going to look at yourself and say, man, we're still like this. This is who we are. Man, 40 years ago, 30 years ago, 20 years ago, we should have done it differently. Because you're going to look at each other and
[14:20 - 14:30] know, man, well, I really loved you and you really loved me all these years but we wasted it we wasted it we wasted it worrying about our own rights all the time if you started
[14:30 - 14:37] thinking of your partner and your partner started thinking of you you'd build connection you'd feel
[14:37 - 14:48] better you know a lot of times people talk about intimacy sex right and the reality is better intimacy i believe comes from connection feeling
[14:48 - 14:57] safe being a team feeling validated feeling heard feeling appreciated feeling like you count
[14:57 - 15:11] being able to fail right if you make a mistake who cares cares? You'll get better and better and better. If you want to be a star, you need to be willing to fail. So, you know, think about it. Wouldn't the person
[15:11 - 15:22] who has all this from their partner feel more confident within their relationship to be more happy, free, and creative in intimacy? So, you know, all these things of thinking of the
[15:22 - 15:27] other partner first start bleeding into all aspects of your life to have the marriage of your dreams.
[15:28 - 15:40] So that's the first thing I really, really, really, really, really want to state and have it resonate with you. That we have to start thinking of the other person.
[15:41 - 15:51] Okay? person okay when we get back we're going to talk about more topics to have the marriage of your dreams here's the deal if you want it we can have it we just have to be focused we have to work
[15:51 - 16:18] together we're a team and you't get enough of us?
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[17:41 - 17:54] You're listening to Voice America Health & Wellness. health and wellness. Welcome back to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with Francis Pekka. We hope you
[17:54 - 18:00] are enjoying and learning from today's dynamic episode. Now back to the show with Francis.
[18:09 - 18:19] with Francis. Welcome back to Marriage Coach 444. No BS with myself, Francis Haka. I really want to get back to this session here where we're thinking of other people instead of ourself, right? It matters. You know, when we hear that, I feel like as a kid, it's like, oh,
[18:19 - 18:31] it kind of means that, oh, that means I don't get what I want, right? Oh, think of others, be the better person. Oh, all right. Yeah, I guess that means I don't get what I want, right? Oh, think of others. Be the better person. Oh, all right. Yeah, I guess that means I'm not going to get all these things I kind of wanted. It's the opposite.
[18:32 - 18:48] And you got to get off bad energy. The other person is going to feel the same exact way that they're holding on to their dreams, their goals, the things they've always wanted in life.
[18:48 - 18:58] And you're both not going to get them. You're both not going to get them. You want to both have your dreams individually and collectively. You support the other. You give them what they want.
[19:00 - 19:09] Give them more. They give you more. You feel good. In the beginning of a relationship, could you imagine four dates in, five dates in, and you're falling in love?
[19:10 - 19:23] And they say, what are you going to do on Friday night? It's how to go to a great restaurant. Oh, it's awesome. We've been talking about that. Yeah, super exciting. Wait, let me look at the menu. Well, you know what? You can order an entree here,
[19:23 - 19:35] but I don't want this appetizer deal. It's costing me a lot of money. You know, I'm trying to save money, you know. It's important. I have goals for me. Oh, okay. So don't buy no appetizer. Could you imagine that? You'd get dumped. You'd get dumped right away.
[19:35 - 19:47] Why? Because you come off like a selfish person. That's why. So you wouldn't do it. You'd be like, oh, order whatever you want. Order whatever you want. It's great you'd splurge
[19:47 - 19:57] you'd give more you'd think of your partner right but then what happens after years go by you stop doing it you stop thinking about what's the other part what does the other person want
[19:57 - 20:00] so we got to get back to that because i'm going to tell you right now if you do that you will feel
[20:00 - 20:10] good you might not think that in the moment because you feel that you're losing something. If I give my partner everything I want, wait a second. That means that I am not
[20:10 - 20:18] going to get what I want. That's not true. That's not true. If you're with the right partner, you both do it together and you will feel, wow, this is cool giving. This is cool receiving.
[20:18 - 20:24] It's okay to receive too. We want to get back to that. It's extremely, extremely important.
[20:26 - 20:34] We want to get back to that. It's extremely, extremely important. Another thing I want to talk about is be a leader and make your own decisions as a critical thinker. How can you
[20:34 - 20:40] reach major heights by doing what the masses do? I tell this to people all the time. If you want
[20:40 - 20:50] great things, you're probably not going to do it by being the mat, doing what everybody else is doing. And that's not to put down the people, but in general, if you were to blend
[20:50 - 21:00] everyone together, you're going to have the masses not doing amazing things. That doesn't mean there's not a ton of amazing people in the world. There are. But if you're trying to be on the top of
[21:00 - 21:09] the triangle, as I spoke about my triangle theory, and you move, elevate yourself as a couple and as an individual, then how are you going to do that by doing what everyone else does?
[21:10 - 21:17] I want you to really think about that for a moment. How are you ever going to reach for heights that would blow you away
[21:17 - 21:28] if everybody was doing it? That would mean that everywhere you go, when you go out, you are literally looking at every couple you hang out with.
[21:28 - 21:38] Every time you go to the grocery store, every time you go to work and everyone's, oh, I have the marriage of my dreams. It's unbelievable. I'm wealthy. I'm in the best shape of my life.
[21:39 - 21:50] I'm literally the marriage of my dreams. Oh, how about you? Same thing. literally the marriage of my dreams. Oh, how about you? Same thing. Marriage of my dreams. We're all having the marriage of our dreams. We're all developing and growing and we're selfless.
[21:54 - 22:05] And wow, it's amazing. Everyone does this at the office. I mean, is that really what's going on? Or is the reality of when you're hanging around people, you see their problems and everyone has problems. I understand that. But are you really seeing just magic everywhere you go? You're not. I understand that. But are you really seeing just magic everywhere you go? You're not.
[22:09 - 22:18] See, when you see magic, it's special. It catches your eye. If you see someone having the marriage of your dreams, how did you do it? That's amazing. Wow, I haven't seen that before. How did you get that built? Wow, I haven't seen that before. How did you become such a good person
[22:18 - 22:26] and grow? Wow, I haven't seen that. It's special. So the point is, it's not the norm. So you have to do things that are not normal
[22:26 - 22:38] to become great. When you say get the marriage of your dreams, it sounds hokey. Like this is goofy. This is gimmicky. This guy's selling the marriage of your dreams as if there was any chance
[22:38 - 22:48] to have it. Don't get that mistaken from the mindset that having the marriage of your dreams means you'll never fight. You'll never get really mad.
[22:49 - 23:02] You might get really mad at some point and go to bed and be like, I don't know why I married this person. Yeah, you're mad. So what? So you thought it. Who cares? Or you even said it if you got really bratty. But the truth of the matter is, you're going to get mad.
[23:02 - 23:15] You're going to have arguments. You're going to have mess ups. That's life. matter is. You're going to get mad. You're going to have arguments. You're going to have mess-ups. That's life. But you've got to be a critical thinker, and to be a critical thinker, we've lost critical thinking, okay? What does everyone else say? I guess that's true. If that's the way
[23:15 - 23:25] it should be, that's the way it should be. Have your individual rights. You should always think of yourself. You know, you're not taking care of yourself. Well, unless you're completely depleted, yourself, well, unless you're completely depleted, which I understand that's the case sometimes,
[23:32 - 23:42] but if you're not depleted, maybe don't do it that way. Maybe do it with a little love and care. Be a critical thinker. You know, now, there used to be a time, and now I sound like I'm old, but it's not. It's not. It's not. A lot of things we're doing nowadays better than we used to.
[23:46 - 23:57] That's reality. A lot of things we're doing worse, Okay? So just, you've got to look at it objectively. You know, I've taught my children, you know, sometimes someone may not be doing the right thing. Right? It could be anyone. Anyone in life, you know. Maybe you're always working with somebody. It could be anything.
[23:58 - 24:08] And they're not being nice. And you're like, well, that person's not nice. It could be anything. It could be literally grocery store or person you know, a friend. It's irrelevant. And then all of a sudden,
[24:08 - 24:15] they do something nice. And I'll say, I'll be like, that was the right thing to do. And they'll look at me and people are like, well, why are you sticking up for that person? They're rude.
[24:16 - 24:22] They're mean. And I say, because in that moment, in that moment yesterday, that person, although
[24:22 - 24:35] they're either grouchy every day I go to that counter or whatever today they changed they were nice they were respectful they were helpful so I'm not gonna blast them on yesterday when they did the right
[24:35 - 24:45] thing I'm gonna compliment them you know people say well yeah but they're no good why would you stick up because I'm looking at it objectively. We have to learn to be objective.
[24:47 - 24:57] Stop worrying about the emotion portion of it and start thinking of the reality of it, the critical thinking piece. You want to have the marriage of your dreams. You want to elevate your
[24:57 - 25:08] life. You have to get to the point when you're having an argument, a discussion, a debate. I don't care if it's politics. I don't care if it's something that's important to you.
[25:08 - 25:19] Maybe something's hurt your feelings. Maybe you feel disrespected. If that happens, you need to have a real discussion with critical thinking.
[25:19 - 25:26] When your partner comes to you, ask yourself this question am i reacting defensively automatically or am i legitimately
[25:26 - 25:38] listening to the words am i thinking about what's really going on here and am i evaluating it like i wouldn't if i was in a business and say wait a second as if you were in a jury let's say you're
[25:38 - 25:48] in a jury duty and you're trying to figure out if the person's guilty or innocent. What are you supposed to do, right? Take the emotion out. You're supposed to think about what's right.
[25:48 - 26:01] What's the right ethical decision here to the best of my ability listening to all the facts critically and doing what is in the best interest of fairness, right? That's what you would do.
[26:01 - 26:12] You would know to do that. But in a relationship, do we do that? That's what you would do. You would know to do that. But in a relationship, do we do that? Are we able to look at a situation and say, you know what? My partner says I do this. I do.
[26:13 - 26:26] I do. Do you know how big that is when you are able to take criticism? Learn to take criticism. Take the criticism. Ask yourself a question. Is it true? Don't lie to yourself
[26:30 - 26:47] you can't get to a point in life where two plus two equals six and you don't want to hear anything else but two plus two is six two plus two is six i we're gonna kill you yeah i mean i don't know i don't want
[26:47 - 26:57] to die maybe i'd be like all right fine yep you got it two plus two is six but you're not taking that from me i might do that in a moment but i know it's four and fuck that it's four and the
[26:57 - 27:12] end of the day if everyone's saying it's six even if i had to in a moment to save my family i know it's four and i'm not getting brainwashed two is two is four it's me needing to learn to critically think again and really
[27:12 - 27:18] ask yourself what's the truth not do i want well not what do i want to be the truth i want to be
[27:18 - 27:29] right all the time okay i want to be right all the time, but I'm not. And when there's no relationship, one person's right all the time. Not going to happen.
[27:32 - 27:38] But yet, if you see two people both want to believe they're right all the time, they want to prove they're the better partner or prove they're right in every debate, you're not.
[27:39 - 27:51] Okay, you know what, I agree with you on this piece, but maybe not that piece. Or, you know what, actually, you're right, I do this. And if you really, truly believe you didn't, you need to respectfully articulate, this is why I don't agree with that.
[27:52 - 28:04] Not get defensive and yell and turn the narrative around and twist it to where two plus two is six, because it's not, it's four. Your partner is saying, you know, when you talk to me in that tone, it makes me feel upset, makes me not want to give.
[28:03 - 28:14] partner saying, you know, when you talk to me in that tone, it makes me feel upset, makes me not want to give, makes me want to be intimate, makes me feel like I don't feel like, you know, reciprocating. I don't want to give hugs because I don't feel respected. I don't feel cared for.
[28:15 - 28:27] But you got to say it in a proper way. But you got to ask yourself, well, maybe, you know what? Maybe, maybe I am given the wrong tone. know maybe i am being disrespectful maybe i need to
[28:27 - 28:32] evaluate myself and be a critical thinker and say what's the truth not what i want to be the truth
[28:32 - 28:45] not what's self-serving but what is the truth what's the truth the truth's what you want the best thing in life is the truth oh if you're a coach, give people the truth.
[28:49 - 29:00] You're a parent, give people the truth. Okay, I understand there's times, you know, you develop people and you, you know, you're better off with the truth in life, okay? Because you're going to live with reality and you live with reality, you can make the change you need.
[29:01 - 29:11] When you start arguing, I want you to ask ask yourself a question i always say it comes down to respect if you're feeling you probably someone's feeling disrespected on disrespected
[29:11 - 29:23] uncared for or unloved okay so rather than get defensive ask yourself is my partner mad at me because they're feeling disrespected unloved uncared for the answer is probably yes and if
[29:23 - 29:35] the answer is yes, ask yourself, do I have a role in this? Doesn't matter that you didn't steal, that you didn't cheat. Doesn't matter. Makes no difference. Do you have a role in making the person feel disrespected,
[29:35 - 29:41] unloved, and uncared for? If the answer is yes, fix it. Own it. Take it. That's what you do in
[29:41 - 29:51] any leadership position, right? You're the quarterback of the team what are the great quarterbacks do they own it it's on me people respect that they
[29:51 - 29:59] work harder next thing you know you're a champion right that's how it happens it doesn't happen from protecting your rights doesn't happen from not being a critical thinker and just protecting hey