Welcome to marriage coach 4 44 no BS with Francis Paco. Over the next hour, you're going to learn what it really takes to work towards dumping average and getting the amazing marriage and life you dream of. No eggshells being walked on here. This is as authentic as it gets. Now here is Francis.

Welcome to marriage coach 444 no BS with myself, Francis Paca. We're gonna start episode 7 today. I can't believe we're already on episode 7. I think this has just been an amazing experience for me, all the people that have reached out to me, about the podcast and how much they've learned, how much they've shared. It's just been a wonderful, wonderful experience, and it just drives me to do this more and more.

I really appreciate, the people that have reached out and talked to me about, you know, listening to the details and how they've worked at it. Just just a super cool experience. And then, you know, sometimes people have listened and, maybe some things that resonated with them more than others. And so maybe they took, you know, one particular item that particular, episode, and it's really made a big difference. So it's just the whole thing just been really really really exciting for me.

As you know, we have a business, my wife and I, a growing space. You could always check us out at www.agrowingspace.com. You can always reach me directly at 623-202-4553. I'm now doing remote as well as I've reached out to my, client base, instead of just local clients, which is amazing. I love doing this in person, but I have realized that doing it from people with people far far away, has been just as, effective, and I think that's super, super cool.

So you can reach out to me. You can go to our website. You can always schedule a meeting too, to just for free just to talk. I'm doing sessions right now for my, base on our radio show here, for 4 sessions for 4:44. So if anyone is struggling in their marriage or even if they have a good marriage and they want it to be, they wanna go for the marriage of their dreams, you can certainly reach out to me.

You can also email coaching at agrowingspace.com. Please follow us on Instagram at no b s marriage coach, if they got that out of the way. I wanna get started today on something that I find very, very important. And I know I spoke before about incremental change. You have to make change incrementally, and you have to be willing to fail.

But one thing we did speak about a little, a few episodes back, but I do wanna touch on it is this the sheer fact that you don't want to wait. You don't wanna wait. And I mean that. How many times in life have you wanted to do something and time goes by and it never happens? Time goes by and it never happens.

It's in the back of our mind, but it never happens. And I spoke about, when I wanted to move from Arizona to a warm weather city, and I talked about I finally put a date on it, that was why it I actually was able to get what I wanted. When I decided to do this, my dream of what I've always wanted to do, it took time. My wife telling me a 1000000 times that this is your gift, you need to do this, but it, you know, I kept it in the back of my mind. And it wasn't until I decided to do it with her help that I decided to go for it.

And, that's what you need to do. If you want anything in life, you have to go for it. You know, I say go for it now. Waiting does no good. Just do it.

Just just you know what? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna commit to it, and I'm gonna make this a consistent part of my life. If you make that decision, I think it could change your life, and I really mean that.

I don't think it can change your life. It will change your life. I am very confident in that. And, you know, if you do feel for whatever reason that the timing is not now, then please at least at least put a date on it and write it down. You know, I spoke to someone.

I remember, years years back was coming to me with an issue well before I was in this business, over a decade ago, and it stuck in my head. And they kept telling me about the same problem, same problem, same problem. And I said, you need to write a date. You need to write a date, and and you need to make it happen on that date. And the person wrote a date that was like 6, 8, 9 months away to do it.

And, months went by and they never did anything, and then all of a sudden they came to me, about a month after that date and said, you know that date that I wrote back, 6, 8 months, whatever it was ago, a long time ago, I did it. I put that date down, it stuck in my head, and I made sure I got it done, and they were just it changed their life, to some degree, actually to a great degree, and I think that is super cool. And so go for it. If you have a marriage that's struggling, fix it. If you want to have the marriage of your dreams, go after it.

If you wanna have a career that's right for you, go after it. If you wanna get away from trying to adhere to other people's goals and and and spending a life where you feel stuck in a rut, where you feel that you are just not being true to yourself, to what your dream is, you need to change it. And you need to start with the way you start portraying the way you act around the people you are. If you're funny, you need to be funny. If you're silly, you need to be silly.

If you're kinda I don't wanna say goofy. I mean, like, you know, kinda like silly goofy, whatever you wanna call it, you know, and that's your personality and it makes you feel good, then you need to start doing it. Stop worrying what other people think. You need to go for what you want, and you need to do it now. And at the very least, if you're just not ready to do it, write something down and go for it.

Because I'm telling you, you know, this is sitting here waiting for you. It really is. It's sitting here waiting for you to get to get the marriage of your dreams, to get the life of your dreams, to get the spirit going again. It's there. If you feel like you're sitting there listening to this and you really enjoy listening to this monthly, and I'm super excited about how this continues to grow, just it's it's super cool.

I didn't know after 7 sessions or 6 episodes, we're saw on 7 now, that it would grow to this extent. It's just really exciting. And if you're listening to it and you're like, I really enjoy it, consider doing something about it. You know, that doesn't mean you have to call me. You call me or or don't call me or, you know, but do it.

Do the work. Do the work to get what you want in life. I don't know how many times, you know, I've heard things and I was like, God, that sounds really cool. I'd really like to get in shape. Hey, that sounds really cool, You know, I'd love to have that.

Oh, that sounds really cool. You know, this would be exciting. You know, it it it's great, but it doesn't do anything until you do it. I tell all my clients, all of them, you know, you know, if you're gonna listen to me and you might get inspired and you might keep me around for years and really enjoy it, But what I don't wanna be is just someone that you enjoy listening to. I want you to actually take action because, if you just like the pep talk and you and you feel it's it's, you know, makes you feel better, it does nothing.

You know, my goal is not to have a pep talk. My goal is to get through to you. As I always say, you know, comprehension is one thing and we need that, but after comprehension, it's about absorption. And that means absorbing the material to the point where it feels like it's in your DNA, and you're gonna go for it, and you're gonna do what you need to do. And that's what I encourage every single listener today, if you're, you know, if you're listening, make the change.

Do what you need to do to make it happen. Okay? I mean that. Another thing that I wanna talk about today that I think is very, very, very important, and I mean this very, very important. And this goes against the grain.

I know this goes against standard, what's out there. So many times you I've I I hear all the time for years years years the opposite of what I'm gonna tell you. The opposite. And I'm sure a lot of people would say this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. He's absolutely does not know what he's talking about.

He's absolutely does not know what he's talking about. He's he's completely wrong on this one. You know, we love what he's saying about a lot of things, but this one, no. And I would disagree fully. And this is this.

I wrote this out and then I'm gonna talk about it. Push people you love for growth. I'm not talking about control, but I'm talking about situations you know absolutely must happen to have a good life. Now what do I mean by that? What I'm saying is I'm not asking you to go spend time with your spouse, your kids, and just sit there and be controlling.

You know, there's a lot of controlling people out there that want everyone to do everything their way, and I understand that. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking you know, there's times people need to, you know, to make they people need to make their own decisions on what they wanna do, and I understand that. But there are situations out there that if you're paying attention, little things are going on with the people you care about at different times in your life that are small now, but if you're paying attention, you know they will become big items later. Okay?

Or it already is a big item because it's been left alone for that long. If you have a kid or a spouse that is has a drug addiction, an alcohol addiction, maybe you have a a a child who's married and they're young, in their twenties or something, and, you know, maybe they're, you know, starting to do things that, you know, would lead towards infidelity. Maybe you have a child or a spouse that has a job that's causing them suffering. They just feel down. They don't feel that they have you know, they're able to do what their spirit tells them, you have someone that has depression, anxiety, trauma.

You see it in people, and I've spent plenty of times in my life where you watch people that are full of life, energetic, magical, and you see it change and you know why. It could be any of these. I'm just giving examples, you know, drugs, alcohol, you know, anything. Okay? But the reality is if you're paying attention and not just focusing on your phone or focusing on your your job I understand these things need to be done, the phone doesn't.

But the job, the career, the bills, life, I understand that. We're busy. We're running ragged. I get it. But listen.

If you're paying attention and you need to pay attention the people you care about, you have to pay attention. You can't be oblivious to what's going on. And what it's looking at, you straighten the eyeball and it's telling you, hey. There's a problem here. Even though it's small, this is gonna grow, or the you ignored it so long, or they've ignored it so long, or both, and now we got a real problem.

It's your job to do something about it. But what are you talking about? This is where people said, what are you talking about? You have to if in order to let to get people in order for people to grow, maybe they get off drugs, alcohol, anything. I'm just saying.

It could be anything. Their morals are getting compromised, hanging out with the wrong crowd, the way they speak to people. Maybe they're becoming arrogant. Maybe they're becoming selfish. Maybe money's changed them.

Maybe fear has changed them. I mean, there's a 1000000000 things out there. I'm just using just simple examples. And you see that this is gonna lead to a bad place, and you know it. I'm not talking about, you know, well, overboard.

I'm talking straight up, if you pay attention, you can see it. If you wanna be oblivious to it, you can pretend to be oblivious to it. But if you really are paying attention to the people you care about, which you should be doing, that it is your job, in my opinion, and I'll say my opinion to be kind, to do something about it. There's too many people out there saying with that's completely wrong. I know it.

People say that's wrong. If people are gonna change, they have to do it on their terms. They have to do it when they're ready. They need to give up alcohol when they're ready. They need to give up drugs when they're ready.

They need to, you know, start doing things the right way when they're ready. I understand that. And I do under I really do. I'm not being oblivious to it. Okay?

Or turning a complete blind eye to it. I'm not. I understand that sometimes no matter what you say, what you do, people are gonna do it when they're ready. But don't think you don't have an impact. Don't.

Then I have I have met so many people in my life, so many people in my life that I know they were going down the wrong path and I was the pain in the ass. And I'm sure, oh, him again. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No.

He means well. He means well. Just it's okay. He means well. And they'll fight you on it.

No. That's not true. I don't have a problem. I don't do this. The the the the the the the and they just go on every defense mechanism on that you could imagine.

And I'm pretty relentless. And I will and I and and I'm not trying to control it, it's just I I see it. I have a, you know, a god given ability to see stuff when it's the seed laid for something that's gonna happen either good or bad. And so I'll I'll I'll press on, hey, you know, you you know, you know, I wanna consider this. You know, I'll do it all different ways, subtle, strong, in the middle, the way I say things, examples, anything I can possibly do, to get across to someone so that their life is better.

Okay? It's not controlling. I just see it. And you know how many times in my life people have later come back to me and said thank you after they've argued or after they've ignored me, or after they, you know, just complete reasons why they can't do it. And then later it came back to me, way later too.

Could be years. Years. And say thank you for doing that. Thank you for actually pushing back, because I finally did what you said and I heard what you said, and it man, it took me a while, but now I'm actually doing it. See, here's the thing.

You know, you think you're, you know, you're talking to someone and they're never gonna change because all the excuses, all the reasons, or they're mad at you, or you're trying to control, but you know it's for their best interest. You'd know. I'm not talking about things that you know? I don't care what, you know, what silly stuff. I'm talking about real stuff you know.

K? That you're that that is important for them to make the change. It's your job to take that. I don't care. Oh, well, it's their life.

No. It's not. It it is their life, but it's your job if you care about them to be there for them. Most of the time they're gonna thank you for it. Now are you gonna get times where people won't help?

Or sorry, won't help? They're not gonna do anything about it and they'll still be irritated with you till the day they die? Yes. But at least you can live with yourself and know that you did everything you could to help the people you love. That is a responsibility on you if you care about someone.

You cannot use the out clause that says, hey. They have to make the decision. I hear that. Oh, well, it's their decision. They have to be ready on their terms.

That means you don't wanna do the work. You love someone. You do the work. You push them to that limit, to what they need to do. Not to that limit, but you need to push them in your own ways.

You can do it with kindness. You can do it firm. You can try everything you can, but they will know you're trying to do it for them. And that to me is real love and real courage to put it on the line, to do what you need to do, to get the job done for the people you love. Again, not controlling.

I'm talking about things you know need to be done. I believe that if you love someone, you you need to take an active responsibility with the people you love. I do. I'll speak a little bit about that, finish that up on our second, segment of today's episode. You're listening to marriage coach 44 4.

No BS. Let's get it done. Let's start taking life to the next level. Let's take our marriage to the next level. I'll be back.

A little birdie told me Voice America is on x. Follow us at Voice America TRN. Marriage coach 4 44 no BS is a dynamic, inspirational, no nonsense show with the objective to have the marriage of your dreams. Your host, Francis Paca, will use his life's findings on what he truly believes makes this reality. He will use old school beliefs and move that into today's world.

Together, we will embrace all of our emotions to be 100% authentic and to feel free to feel again. Emotion, kindness, vulnerability, leadership, love, resilience is where we will travel to. We will not be here to walk on eggshells. We are here to grow, share, and get strong. Marriage coach 4 44 no b s, hosted by Francis Bacon.

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We hope you are enjoying and learning from today's dynamic episode. Now back to the show with Francis. Welcome back to marriage coach 444, no BS, with myself, Francis Peca. We're already on the second part of our episode 7, and I wanna talk a little more and wrap up the discussion about pushing people you love for growth. Again, I really don't mean controlling people, Telling people what career to go in or telling people what to like.

Telling people where they have to live or or or, you know, what interest they need or being controlling. I'm talking about when people are going down the wrong path, you know it, whether even if it's small. It's your job as a parent. It's your job as a spouse. It's your job as a child.

It's your it's your job here for the people that you're you're friends with to speak up. And I'm telling you, most of the time, people will come back and say, you know what? Thank you. Let me do a little quick quick, story about a time. This is over a decade ago.

And I had a really good friend, and I and I knew he was making a couple mistakes. And it was just, you know, he had a great career. He he he was just so talented, just super brilliant. And he wasn't pushing himself at all in his career, and he felt down. And so as a friend, I just, you know, I said, you know, you really need to do this, this, this, and this, you know, and go for it, you know.

And then and I was pushing him. I'm like, yeah. What you're doing is like you're holding back, you know. And I was just I wasn't mean or anything, but I was pushing him a little, you know, poking his push his buttons a little bit to try and get him to go. And and a person in the background that I knew very well said, you're not a very good friend.

You're kinda mean. You're pushing that person to do things and it's not even what they want to do. Who are you to tell them what to do? And I felt bad when they when they said that. I really did.

I felt bad. I was like, oh, maybe I am being a jerk. Maybe I'm not being a good friend. It bothered me because I really wanna be a good friend, and I was, like, I thought I was doing the right thing. And so I I unfortunately, I I kind of thought to myself, like, maybe they're right.

And I don't know why. I guess, you know, at that point, I didn't have the mental fortitude that I did now. Maybe I questioned myself a little quicker. And you always should evaluate regardless, you know, because sometimes people are right and you're wrong and that that you know, but I I was taken aback little and I and I defended myself. I said, I'm trying to help that person do what's right for them because I know what's right for them.

And that person told me, my friend said to me, I wanna thank you for telling me that because you're the only friend I know or have that would ever do that and I needed that. And that validated me. I felt so much better that, yeah, I did do the right thing and I've done it my whole life And I'm not going on some crusade telling everybody how to live their life because if that's what you're you're getting out of this, it's completely wrong. I mean that. It's about, you know, helping people when they need it, and they're starving for it, and they want someone to help push them.

I know that people, not many, but a few people in my life have done it, and it's the greatest thing they've done for me. I had a teacher in high school, and an English teacher and I and I was not working hard in high school, and I was not confident, I was being bullied, you know, and I fought out of the bullying, but I it took me a while academically to feel confident in myself and my abilities. And I I had a teacher who who pushed hard. And that person said, if you lie once, you're a liar for life. And I thought, what a bunch of shit.

One lie? But that person was trying to say your word matters, and it stuck with me. And it was a harsh words, but it stuck with me. Like, you need to be honest. Not it wasn't directed at me, it was at the whole class.

And that per that class was hard. And I wasn't doing that great in school, and I, and I and I remember I got sick. I think I had bronchitis for the week, and and I took I missed the whole week of school. And every week, I believe it was every week, you had to take a test. And, on reading this material, and I I think it was a story, if I'm not mistaken.

And I and I were studied really hard for this test. I oh, when I got back, I had to take 2 tests. One for the week I missed and then the new week. So, I studied really hard for the first test and studied hard for the second, but not as hard because you wear out. Right?

And the first test, I got a top grade. Second one, I did terrible, and it really screwed up my grade. And he just gave me the bad grade. Next, and I was like, woah. I had no help.

I wasn't enabled. I wasn't given a free ride. He was just that's the way it is, but he was a kind, good person. I learned from that, You know? And so sometimes in life, being tough on people is the best thing for them.

It taught me to be strong, taught me that things matter more at a young age as I developed. Not that I didn't know these things, but it was nice to hear it from somebody else too. You know? So, you know, sometimes you have to push people in life to get them to the next level without being controlling. And, you know, sometimes you gotta be creative about it, you know, you do it in all different ways.

Some people respond to a little softer way of doing it, but the words are impactful. Some people wanna hear it a little stronger. Some people wanna hear examples. But, you know, don't duck the responsibility to help the people you love because I will tell you, you don't wanna regret letting people fail and wish you did something. I thought I was a little life coach at 78 7 years old with my father trying so hard to want him to not be an alcoholic.

And nobody pushed him hard enough. And, just waiting for it to happen. Now there's things that were said and pushed to do it, but never really that hard. Maybe for a day and if it was a bad day, and that was about it. And, my dad died, and it's sad.

And I miss my father. And, he was a good man. I know he he could never had the the the ability well, no. He had the ability. He didn't have the strength to fight his drinking and his smoking.

And, you know, he died and and, you know, and he they they buried him on his on what would have been his 66th birthday. And if I was young, again, a kid, and knew what I knew now, I would have been a son of a bitch. I would have been a good kid of course, but I would have pushed him to the point where I just would have pushed him hard. Pushed him hard until he did it. And my father listened to me.

That was one thing, he did listen to me. I had a way of resonating with him, but obviously not enough. I would have pushed harder. Because, you know, sometimes when it's too late, it's too late, and you don't want things to be too late. You gotta do what you gotta do for the people you love.

So I'll end that note, but I really hope that resonates. I really think, you know, us becoming responsible in life for the people you love matter. I always say, keep your circle small, and those and that small circle should be your number 1, number 2, number 3, number 4 priority, and that circle is your children and your partner. And, you know, you wanna make a massive priority of your parent just like that, that's fine too. That's your immediate, deep family, you know, your parents, your kids, and your spouse.

And so, you need to put that energy into the right people, and that means taking the responsibility to help them. So, that's what I have to say on that session on that, topic. Please really give it some deep thought, especially if, you know, people you love are in need, and nobody's willing to step up to really take responsibility to help them get there. I understand at the end of the day, they have to do it, not you. But you might be the the difference to really change someone's life.

And that might mean you have to ruffle some feathers, be annoying, but that's okay. Okay? Now, another thing I wanna talk about today, it's a life lesson. Once you work hard and get results, human nature sets in to stop doing the hard work to keep getting better. I want you to think about that.

Once you work hard and get results, human nature sets in to stop doing the hard work to get to keep getting better. Now, you know how many people in this life have a talent? Or even if they don't have a certain talent, they work really hard to take that talent stronger, or take the fact that they don't even have that initial talent and become great at what they do through hard work. And they just work and work and work, and they're dedicated, and they get to a very good level. And as soon as they get to a good level, they taper off.

They taper off because they're they kind of got some results now, we're good! And this is one lesson that I will admit I have not done for a good portion of my life till later, is the realization that, yeah, there's so many times that I I've been in in a hole, everyone has, and I'd fight to get myself out of it. But then I would kinda lighten up after it after I was in a good spot. And that is I look at that as like a glass ceiling. It's like there's this thing inside you thinking, well, I can't go that far, but I can at least be successful.

And there and I'm glad to be successful, but, you know, we gotta keep it in range of just successful, not all the way there. And I've learned by watching people, studying people, paying attention, like studying what people do in life. And what caused certain people to be rich? What caused certain people to be happy? What causes certain people to be successful in whatever endeavor they want?

Relationships, parenting, money, physical fitness, anything. They don't stop. They keep going for more. And so I remember when I was in corporate America, and this was I remember this happened. This oh my god.

I think it was, like, 1990 it was. It was 1999. And I remember I was in corporate America, and I was get probably slacking a little in my job. I was doing fine. There's no problem.

But they assigned everybody, I think it was what? Yeah. 27 years old or so. Or was it yeah. 20 27 years old.

And they assigned everyone a mentor. So they hired a bunch of young people and at a college, and they gave everyone a mentor. So I have a mentor. So I'm supposed to mentor or I'm the mentor for for 1 of a mentee. And so I'm supposed to help that person through this whole process of training, and and really get to help them to feel confident, do well, to be successful.

And so they assigned everyone 1, and I got somebody. And a comment came out. Someone came to me and said, you know what? Somebody just said or 2 or 3 people, whatever, that, oh, I feel bad for the person that I got because, you know, I'm not gonna do it know what I'm doing. And that bothered me.

It really bothered me, and I was like, wow, I'm slipping here. So I went to management and I said, I want 2 because I think there's one extra person and no one had there was like an empty one, and so I guess someone had to take 2. I said, I want the 2. Give me the 2. Or maybe it was an email if anyone wants 2.

I I want 2. So they gave me the 2. And I worked so hard and did such a I am proud. I did a great job a long time ago, 25 years ago. But but I did a great job, and I did such a good job that I took over to help all the people.

I helped my my own 2 mentor mentees. And at Christmas time, there was a big, you know, Christmas party, and they gave me a big bonus. And that you know, at the time, it was a big bonus for me. And I felt like I was on top of the world. Look what I did in such a short period of time.

My status went up. And it moved me to the next level. Then I got a little complacent. I still took my job, still worked fine, but I didn't have the hunger anymore because I was already successful, I already got my bonus. And I did that for a while, and I realized that doesn't work.

You can get yourself out of a hole with hard work, but once you get to a better place, are you gonna do the job? Are you gonna keep doing it to get better, to get better, to get better, to get better? And that's what I say to a lot of my clients that are looking for the marriage of their dreams because nobody says, no. I don't want the marriage of my dreams. I just wanna I just wanna at least I haven't had anyone.

I just wanted to be a little better. You know? Go from a d to a c. I'm good. They don't they all they all like the idea of having the marriage of their dreams.

They love it. Okay. But but in order for them to get it, you get it you got it first. You know, when people a lot of times people come to you, they're in a bad spot. I mean, they're maybe on the verge of divorce.

They're ready to break up. You know, they they they're defeated. A a lot of part part of them is feels defeated. I don't know if we can do it. And we put all the work in, and they get to a place where they're legitimately doing well.

They're like, we're doing well. Oh, thank you so much. I can't believe it. It's great. And I warn them that you gotta be very careful right now because you've just dug yourself out of a grade of an f, so to speak.

And now you're doing so well, you're at a c, and you're loving the c because you're having a lot of good times. And it's it was horrible, and now it's it's decent. It's pretty good. You have to see. It's pretty good.

But if you really wanna have the marriage of your dreams, you have to do all the work you did before. Just as hard, if not harder, to get to the b, and then get to the b, and get to the a, and get to the a plus. And And then when you get to a plus, go for more. See, that's the switch that people when when people make, start getting things that are just mind boggling. Mind boggling success.

And I know I said this before, but it's true, if we can do things with technology that are just unbelievable, why can't we do that with with relationships? Well, of course, we could do it with relations we can't do it with relationships because we're people and there's emotions. So what? There's emotions when you're trying to build a rocket. There's emotions when and and and I'm sure a lot of issues when you're trying to to do a lot of things that are that are technologically, amazing.

Just like having a relationship, there's a lot of emotions. But you know what? There's also a lot of love and connection if you're doing it right in a relationship. So don't think, you know, it's hokey to to go for your dream marriage, because it's more than possible. It'll happen most likely if you do the work.

People think that they're not meant to be, they just don't know how to do it. It's not like you're not meant to drive a car. You just need to do the work to learn how to drive the car, Now all of a sudden, magically, you're meant to drive the car. So just remember that. When you do the hard work to get where you wanna go, now it's time to really go to work and work harder.

And use that template to take it to the next level. An extremely important life lesson in anything you're doing, and especially going for the marriage of your dreams. I'm marriage coach 444 no b s. We will be back shortly. A little birdie told me Voice America is on x.

Follow us at Voice America TRN. Marriage coach 4 44 no BS is a dynamic, inspirational, no nonsense show with the objective to have the marriage of your dreams. Your host, Francis Paca, will use his life's findings on what he truly believes makes this reality. He will use old school beliefs and move that into today's world. Together, we will embrace all of our emotions to be 100% authentic and to feel free to feel again.

Emotion, kindness, vulnerability, leadership, love, resilience is where we will travel to. We will not be here to walk on eggshells. We are here to grow, share, and get strong. Marriage coach 4 44 no BS, hosted by Francis Bacon. Weekly episodes available on demand on the Voice America Health and Wellness channel.

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We hope you are enjoying and learning from today's dynamic episode. Now back to the show with Francis. Welcome back to marriage coach 4 44, no BS, with myself, Francis Paca. We've been talking today, about a few topics that I think are extremely important if you want to have the dream life and the dream marriage. Again, real quick recap so we don't forget and lose sight of what we've talked about.

It's I don't wait. Don't wait in life, go for it. That was the first thing I really wanna get through to you. If you really need to, you know, some legitimate reason why you need to wait, put a date on it and make it happen. 2nd thing, push people you love for growth.

Don't be afraid to be a leader and do what you need to do to make sure the things that need to get done get done for the people you love. I know there's a lot out there to, you know, leave people alone. But at the end of the day, we need to become more connected as as as people, and certainly within our relationships with the people that matter to us, certainly our children and our partner and our parents. You know? No question about that.

And, you know, also another one, I really wanna wanted to stress is that, when you work hard and you start getting success, you can't stop. You need to now use that as the temple to go for it. Otherwise, you're gonna you know, it's gonna start going back down again or just, you know, stay kinda in the average. And you don't want average. Average is boring.

And if you're going for the dream, even if it takes years to get the dream, You got just going for the dream alone will keep you happy when you're an average. So if you're an average accepting average, it's you don't feel good. But if you're an average going for the dream and it takes 5 years to get the dream, that whole pursuit is exciting. So you can be happy even when you're at average because you're really not average because you're going for it, if that makes any sense. I'm trying to confuse you.

But that's the, other, the third, piece I really wanted to stress today. The 4th here is be very aware when success comes. Not only can one become complacent as mentioned, when success comes outside of the marriage, this is a monumental moment to lock down on your family and spouse. Okay. So what do I mean by that?

Don't get distracted from making your children and your partner a 1, 2, 3, 4 priority. Your first priority, your second, your third, and your 4th. Because here's the thing, as you grow up in life, see, when you're young, right, you're young, you know, you're learning, you're growing. But success can be such an obstacle, sometimes more than failure. Because if you're both failing, maybe you work hard in life to get to the next level.

But if one of you starts getting successful, and the other doesn't, and I don't mean, you know, when I say successful, like, just something that's just blatantly in your face. Maybe one person's career just explodes. Doesn't mean the other person's not successful, but I'm just saying something dramatic, like, oh my goodness. I made it big. Or maybe one person just becomes, you know, gets in shape and they're just, oh my goodness, everyone's just like, they're unbelievably beautiful.

Or maybe intellectually somebody gets an incredible degree. Or maybe popularity, like, one person just gets all this popularity for whatever it is. Or maybe they come out of their shell and at parties, everyone's like, oh, you're the funniest. You're the coolest. It doesn't matter what it is.

Okay? Or maybe people are like, wow, that person really grew up and they deserve they're the really responsible one. K. Your ego gets fed. And so this is a new topic.

I'm not talking about getting placent once you, you know, once you're in a relationship and you worked hard to get it better. I'm talking about outside of your relationship when success comes. It's a trap. Am I telling you not to become successful? No.

Am I telling you not to be funny? No. Not to get in shape? No. Not at all.

Go for it. Okay? Have the career of your dream. Okay? Go get 15 doctorates.

I'm just being dramatic. Right? Go become a billionaire. K. Be you know, get in the best shape in in the world.

I whatever. That's fine. It's great. If you enjoy it, go for it. But there's a trap, and you have to be so careful in life when success comes.

It is your def it is a big defining moment. When you become successful, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do when one of you starts getting successful or even both of you? Doesn't even have to be one of you. What if both of you start having the business that's blowing up?

What if both of you become, you know, in the best shape? It doesn't matter. And the point is is if you get success from one of you at a high level, out of nowhere, or even if it takes time and there's there's some big success coming as a couple or even individual, you have to be super hyper focused on making sure it does not take you down. Do you know how many people in life have become successful and that's exactly what caused them to fall apart? Because they couldn't handle the success because the foundation of who they are is not built properly.

I say it all the time. You have to all the things we're learning is to build a foundation, and then we're gonna add to it to make it magical. Okay. But if you're building a house and you build it like crap, you might have amazing chandelier, table, stereo, pools, whatever. But as soon as the storm comes, the whole the whole thing comes crashing down.

It can't withstand all that success because it was never built right. And so this is what we do. We're learning to build things right so that it lasts. So you have to be very aware when success comes. And so what are you talking about?

Like, oh, so we are already working hard and we're doing fine and, you know, we're whatever. You could be, you know, we're we're we're trying to move up act economically or just eat better shit. Yeah. Great. But here's the deal.

What happens when all the success comes and it goes to your head? I'm the smarter one. I'm the funnier one. I'm the more responsible one. I have more education.

I make more money. People like me more. See, this is what happens when you start getting fed that you're better. You start believing it. And they always just decide to read it.

I used to pay attention to this when I was young, like, don't when they say it in sports, don't when a good team when a team would start doing well and they drop off, like, what happened? When they won 7 games in a row, I used to remember in football, it's like, wow. This team's gonna be incredible to go to Super Bowl, and then they just, like, clunk out. Why'd they clunk out? They started read they said they started read we many times, they started reading their press clippings.

They're great. They can't be beat. You start believing it, and you start getting sloppy, and you start getting arrogant, and you start wanting to get fed about you, and then you don't look at it as a team anymore. Do you see what happens? You don't look at it as a team anymore.

Team dies in your individual success, and it could even die in your success as a couple. Well, what do you mean about that? Oh, we're both rich now. Oh, wow. It starts going to your head.

Yeah. We both did it, but you know what? You start feeling how great you are, even if it's both of you that worked for it. And you start becoming individualistic, egotistic, egotistical. You start becoming it starts becoming about you, and you lose team.

And so you might have money, you might have looks, you might have education, you might have a lot of things going for you on paper, but then when you come home, what does it look like? Is it a connective family? You know how many rich people in this world are not connected? That's not because they're rich. I'm just saying it's a trap.

A lot of poor people too. A lot of middle class people too, but I'm saying it's a trap. If you're working together as a team and success starts coming in any form, you need to be well alert to not let it penetrate you to change who you are, whether the success comes as a couple or an individual. Now, this might sound like, yeah, whatever. This is not my problem.

I'm not rich. I'm not in the perfect shape. I'm not this. I'm not that. Well, I'm gonna tell you right now, when you start working hard, you're gonna start getting things.

When you start working really hard, you're gonna start getting results. Start really working out, you're gonna get in better shape. K? People might look at you more. Okay?

You start getting working hard at your business hard enough and you're passionate about it, money might start flowing. Okay? You start being more responsible, people might notice and compliment you. You might, you know, you become more of a leader and people might be thanking you. You know, that ego can get fed.

It's your job to control the ego, because the ego can kill. I mean, the ego can kill. One of the biggest things I see in relationships is ego killing it. Seriously. You have to admit when you're wrong.

When you're wrong, you're wrong. Admit you're wrong. Okay? So I really mean that. It's extremely important to understand that hard work is gonna start breeding success, and that success is gonna eat it's gonna it it could go to one of you guys first, it might go to both of you, you know, equally.

I all I can tell you is whether it's one of you guys or it's both, success can be dangerous. No. Does that mean don't go for it? No way. You go for success.

But part of being successful is knowing how to handle success. So you do the work to get the success individually and as a couple. And then when you do it, you need to keep your head on straight and make sure that you are doing the teamwork, the goodness, the compassion, the love, the priorities, and keep them in place no matter how much success comes. That's a winner. That's a winner.

So don't forget this when you start doing the work and getting the results, and then it drops. It drops because you're not you're not you're allowing it to not get done right because you're not you you have to build the foundation properly, And then when that storm comes, and success could be a storm, you need to be prepared to handle it. Really, really, really, really important. And I mean that sincerely. Ego, you know, we wanna be right, we wanna be better, we wanna be smarter, we wanna make more money, looks, get off it.

Ego will take you and your marriage down. Use it. If you wanna use the ego, then use it as a team. If it's like, hey. We're doing great.

As long as you got your morals in place, use it to be a team. Now maybe you got some pride. Hey. We're gonna work hard together and make this happen. As long as it's being done ethically and in, you know, in the right frame of mind as a good person, and you want a little ego to push to to work hard as a team, that's fine.

But make sure, you know, you do not let ego break you. It is extremely, extremely important. Next week, I'm gonna talk about, another topic. I was gonna start it now, but I know we got just under 4 minutes left. So I'm gonna leave it.

It's a big topic, and I and it's gonna take a while, to really cover that in-depth. It's about infidelity. There's one thing I'm gonna touch on. I'm also gonna touch on doing the right thing, and and why it's so important. And you might, you know, think, well, you know, do I always need to do the right thing and why it matters?

And and I'm gonna I'm gonna dig into that, for a while. But what I will say, is we do need to toughen up. I I I wanna talk about that. We need to toughen up. What do I mean by that?

We have we have marriages will have arguments. We need to learn to work through arguments. Don't be so butthurt, and that's the word I'm gonna use, don't be so butthurt on everything. Okay? Like, we're just everything is, you know, oh my goodness.

You know? We had an argument. Get up and grow. Man up and woman up. Okay?

Be strong. I mean, you cannot think you're gonna be in a marriage or a relationship with anybody, a friend, your kids, your spouse, your parents, people that matter to you in life, and think you're not gonna have an argument. I mean, it's it's it's it's crazy thinking in my mind. You're gonna argue. And if you're not arguing, I'd be extremely concerned.

Because if you're not arguing, you're probably not talking about things. You're probably not connecting enough. You know, when you connect and you get close to someone, they can hurt your feelings. If you don't care, then it's why even be mad? I always tell my clients, I'm like, if the mailman knocked on your door and said, I want you to know or let's not even now, mail, mail.

Maybe you're next door neighbor. And nothing against your next door neighbor, but let's say you're not, like, close to your next door neighbor, but, you know, they're fine. And they knock on their door, and they say, I just want you to know that you used to be my favorite neighbor, and now you're in 2nd place, you guys would let you would laugh. You'd be like, what the hell? Is he or she crazy?

I've downgraded. Who cares? And I'm not putting down the neighbor. I'm just saying compared to your spouse, you know, like, what do you mean? Whatever.

Like, that's weird. Okay? But the reality is, it's like that it's not that important to you. Okay? So it's like whatever.

But when you truly love people, it matters. So you're gonna argue. Do you follow what I'm saying? Like, it wouldn't matter if you're if you're if you're if someone that you don't know isn't that big of a deal, you know, downgraded you. Whatever.

But if your kid downgraded you, your partner downgraded, your mom downgraded, your dad downgraded you, and I'm not saying they're gonna say you've been downgraded, I'm just saying, like, you have an argument where you feel that way in the moment in your argument. It's gonna invoke emotion because they matter. So the closer you are to people, the more there's there's gonna be emotions and and and feelings hurt. So you're gonna fight. If you're really being a partner, you're gonna fight.

If you're sweeping everything under the rug and and ignore it, then you won't fight. But that's not good. So what's my point? We gotta toughen up. People that you love and you care for, you're gonna fight sometimes.

When people say, oh, if we were meant to be, then it would be easy and we would never fight. Yeah. In movies and in cartoons. It's about knowing how to do it. You can have the marriage of your dreams, but you gotta learn how to do it.

You gotta learn how to do it. It's not about not you know, it should just come naturally all the time. Because with the closer you get to people, the more emotion and the more feelings that can get hurt, upset, expectations, and so it's gonna evoke emotion. That's okay. So my advice is we need to toughen up and accept the fact that you are, you work through it, grow, and become a better couple.

That's another extremely important topic today. So, hey, I wanna just say thank you for listening to me. Thank you for all the support. Thank you for the growth, and enabling this show to get bigger and bigger. Thank you for reaching out and and and sharing all, that you've learned and and enjoyed.

I really appreciate it. I love what I do. You know, this just is makes my soul happy. It makes my soul happy, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You're listening to marriage coach 444, no BS.

I wanna say again thank you so much, and until next time, go get it. Thanks for tuning in to marriage coach 4 44 no BS with Francis Pekka. We hope today's episode has been inspiring to help you work toward achieving your dream life. Let change begin now. Until we talk again, have a wonderful no b s week.