1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,600 [Music] 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:10,240 Welcome to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with Francis Peca. 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:15,360 Over the next hour you're going to learn what it really takes to work towards dumping average 4 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,040 and gutting the amazing marriage and life you dream of. 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,120 No eggshells being walked on here. 6 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,320 This is as authentic as it is. 7 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:25,840 Now, here is Francis. 8 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:34,080 Welcome to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with myself, Francis Peca. 9 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:40,800 I'm really excited today to get started on Episode 3 to continue to work to actually get 10 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,080 the marriage of your dreams. 11 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,680 You know, so many times in life we think, you know, yeah, that sounds great. 12 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:50,080 We're going to go get the marriage of your dreams, you know, not in a real world, but the truth of 13 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,040 the matter is you can have the marriage of your dreams. 14 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,480 You can actually have it. 15 00:00:54,480 --> 00:01:01,120 You know, anybody that's accomplished anything in life, okay, has focused on getting what they wanted, 16 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:06,400 which was their dream that most people thought was unattainable and they went and got it. 17 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,640 And they did it because they said this, like I talked about before, absolute terms. 18 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:16,720 And they made that commitment to get the marriage or whatever dream they had. 19 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,160 But here, we're talking about getting the marriage of your dreams. 20 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:21,440 Again, I'm Francis Peca. 21 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,080 Marriage Coach 444 No BS. 22 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:32,560 We have a company as I mentioned before, a growing space and our website is www.agrowingspace.com. 23 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:39,200 My wife and I work together, my soulmate, I should say, and I work together to do what we love to do, 24 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:44,160 which is to help other people and do something that we feel is extremely meaningful. 25 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:48,240 You can always check us out on Instagram at No BS. 26 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:53,040 Marriage Coach, always feel free to email me with any questions you have and you're listening 27 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:58,000 to the material and you're implementing it and you're seeing results or you have questions, 28 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,000 you can always email me with a question. 29 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,320 You know, feel free to, I listen to the podcast and I just had a quick question, 30 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:05,680 is what I'm going through. 31 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,920 I wanted to get your input. 32 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,320 I would be more than willing to help you. 33 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,320 So you can email me at coaching. 34 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:20,480 Just it's just coaching at agrowingspace.com, not ag-coaching, it's coaching at agrowingspace.com. 35 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:27,440 You can always reach out to us as well by calling at 6232024553. 36 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:32,240 Of course, we have plenty of clients, but I always would make sure that I get back to you. 37 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:39,760 In today's episode, I want to talk about a few, well, plenty of things today, 38 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:44,800 but a few that I really believe will continue this path to 39 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,800 getting you the marriage of your dreams or anyone. 40 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,200 And I really do believe that with all my heart. 41 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:55,200 I say that sincerely, but I want you to ask yourself this question, 42 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,040 what do you want in life? 43 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:58,640 What do you want in life? 44 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,560 I mean, that's for anybody. 45 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:05,600 Okay, if somebody wants to do something magnificent, okay, 46 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,880 you got to know you want it before you are ever going to get it. 47 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,160 So you can't just be like, "I'd be great if, that would be great if, this, this, that." 48 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:18,320 No, you have to be able to tell yourself, that's exactly what I want. 49 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,360 Okay, so if you're talking about relationships, what do you want in life 50 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,280 from a relationship perspective? 51 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,360 You got to go for it. 52 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,800 You got to go for it and you got to get in your mind that this is what I want. 53 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:31,440 I'm going to get it. 54 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,000 Now, some people may say, "I don't really want a serious relationship. 55 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,760 I don't really want to get it too close to anyone. 56 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,600 I'm fine with just a companion." 57 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,080 That's fine. 58 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,920 If that's truly what you want, then it's really, then what I would say is, 59 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,960 you really don't want to waste other people's time that are going for the dream. 60 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,360 And I say that sincerely, I don't mean that any disrespect, 61 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:53,040 but I mean, if you're okay with average, then just make sure you're not with somebody 62 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,920 who really wants the aid plus, plus, plus, plus. 63 00:03:55,920 --> 00:04:00,880 Okay, you want to make sure that you're not, you know, taking that away from somebody else. 64 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:04,160 So if you are with someone that really wants the dream, 65 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,360 marriage, relationship, and you're the type of person that you feel that, 66 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,600 I don't really, it's not that important to me, then just don't waste their time. 67 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,560 I would say that. 68 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,560 I say that in a nice as possible way. 69 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:15,200 I really do. 70 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:19,200 But I will also say that people that say that I really believe most of the time don't mean it. 71 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,760 Now I'm fine with the relationship, that's okay. 72 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,120 And I don't really want to get that close. 73 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,080 It's not really a big deal. 74 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,160 I'm fine with just being casual for the rest of my life. 75 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,840 I'm not going to get into too much detail on it, 76 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,560 but my own personal opinion is that they're afraid. 77 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,280 They're afraid to go for what really matters in life 78 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,120 within their relationship to make it special, 79 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,360 to make it amazing to have the dream. 80 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,240 It's too scary. 81 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,440 So we say, "We don't really need it." 82 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,440 What do I need to get so close to relationship? 83 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,120 All relationships stink. 84 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,320 They're really not that special. 85 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,920 They're really never going to work anyway. 86 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:48,880 All this is focused. 87 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,760 You can think that way, and that's exactly what you'll get. 88 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:52,800 You won't get the dream. 89 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,800 You got to believe you're going to get the dream. 90 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,000 You got to want the dream first. 91 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,120 You got to know what you want in life, 92 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,400 know what you want in your relationship. 93 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,960 And then you got to find someone who wants the dream as well. 94 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,320 Now if you can do that, 95 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,200 and you're with someone you truly love and they're willing to go for it. 96 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,320 You're willing to go for it. 97 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:07,280 Still going to be a lot of work. 98 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,080 No doubt. 99 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,520 Going to be a lot of work. 100 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,600 But if you have two people that really want this, 101 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,440 and if you're listening to this podcast as a team or as a couple, 102 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,280 and you both agree, "Yeah, we want to get there. 103 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,800 It's not easy, but we want to get there." 104 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,240 Then the first thing you need to do as a couple is be able to say, 105 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,760 "What do I want? 106 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,360 What do I want? 107 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,360 Do I want the relationship to be amazing?" 108 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,280 If the answer is yes, then you got to go for it. 109 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,200 You got to go in with the mindset, we're going to get it. 110 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,000 We're going to get it. 111 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,600 It's going to be difficult, but we're going to get it. 112 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,800 Okay. 113 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,720 Now what does that look like? 114 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,880 And they say, "Okay, what's the relationship of your dreams? 115 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:39,920 Define it. 116 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,520 Get in there and define what you want." 117 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,040 What it really looks like. 118 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,480 Okay. 119 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,680 So is that being great sex? 120 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,400 Does that mean great laughs together? 121 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,840 Does that mean walks together? 122 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,440 Does that just being able to look at each other 123 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,640 and knowing what we're thinking? 124 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:53,760 You know, for the most part, 125 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,240 does that mean just being close together? 126 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,360 Does that mean a lot of touch? 127 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,040 Does that mean feeling safe? 128 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,240 Does that mean feeling like you're a true team? 129 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,040 I would argue, yeah, all of it. 130 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,160 Why wait? 131 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,840 Go, you know, why, why eliminate? 132 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:08,560 I'd go for it all. 133 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,640 You know, put the list down and keep going. 134 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,840 Because the more you can go in this, 135 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,400 if you can, more you can go for the marriage of your dreams, 136 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,680 the more you're going to get of it. 137 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:18,000 Okay. 138 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,600 So the more you can define that you want, 139 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,280 that special, you go for it and you get it. 140 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,200 That's the first thing I want you to do. 141 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,000 I want you to ask yourself, 142 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,520 are you willing to go for it? 143 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:25,920 Okay. 144 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,000 Are you going to have the blockers opposite? 145 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,080 Well, you know, I wouldn't mind making it a little better. 146 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,960 I wouldn't mind getting improvements, 147 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,840 but really kind of putting that blocker down 148 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,200 that you can't get the marriage of your dreams. 149 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,400 Are you going to go in and say, 150 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,680 "Yes, we're going to do this." 151 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:40,880 We're going to, I'm going to go for it all. 152 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,880 That's the shift I want you to make. 153 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,400 I want you to make the shift 154 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,800 to where you are really willing to go 155 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:47,920 for the dream. 156 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,360 Nothing short. 157 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,040 Go for the dream. 158 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,400 Get it in your mind first. 159 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,200 And so that's the first thing I want to talk about today 160 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,080 is going for it all. 161 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,720 Get yourself in the mind place to go for it all. 162 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,200 And if you don't feel it, then you're not ready for it again. 163 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,160 Don't waste someone's time. 164 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,680 But if you are and your partner is, 165 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,480 then you're on a great start. 166 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,760 The second thing I want to talk about here 167 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,920 is the difference between comprehending something 168 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,480 and absorbing it. 169 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,000 I even have it on our website. 170 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,440 I call it resonating, absorbing it. 171 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,240 There's comprehension. 172 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,880 And then there's absorption, I call it. 173 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,640 And absorption, comprehension is simple, right? 174 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,920 You understand the concept. 175 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,080 Your doctor tells you I should drink more water. 176 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:36,560 Okay, great. 177 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:37,440 I should drink more water. 178 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,400 Hey, you know you're doing great, 179 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,480 but maybe you lose, you'll be even more healthy 180 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:41,440 if you lose 10 pounds. 181 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,240 Okay, great. 182 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,440 So it makes sense. 183 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:44,960 I logically understand that. 184 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,800 I understand that three plus three plus six. 185 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,240 I mean, it's comprehension. 186 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,440 I understand. 187 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:50,160 I don't need to argue. 188 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:50,960 And I understand it. 189 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,960 But then there's when something is absorbed, 190 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,840 it resonates with you. 191 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,560 It takes you to a different place in your mind. 192 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,480 It's that aha moment. 193 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,040 When you think to yourself, 194 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,640 shit, I gotta do this. 195 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,120 Why am I wasting time? 196 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:17,840 Like why, what, why are the years going by 197 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,120 and I'm not getting this? 198 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:19,360 Why? 199 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,960 You have to ask, you get to a point 200 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,000 where you something that is said to you 201 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,920 that maybe for years you comprehend 202 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,600 and understood and agreed with. 203 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:33,600 But something blocked you from going for it. 204 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,040 Fear, afraid you'll fail. 205 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:37,840 Scared you're not capable of it. 206 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:42,880 Afraid that maybe people laugh you're going for something so big 207 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,200 seems kind of like a fantasy. 208 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,160 So it's a lot in your mind. 209 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,560 A lot of the soul resident, all about your mind, right? 210 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,000 So when you get your mind to a place, 211 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,040 no, I'm gonna go for it. 212 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,280 I don't care when anybody thinks. 213 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,920 This is my life, my dream. 214 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,120 So I'm gonna go for it. 215 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:03,760 So when I think about, 216 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,600 you know, like a doctor, you know, it's like a doctor tells you 217 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,360 you know, you need to lose a few pounds 218 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,520 or you need to drink a little more water. 219 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,800 We agree with it, but then we don't do it. 220 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,200 Even myself, I think to myself, you know, 221 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,920 I really spent this year spending a lot of energy 222 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:23,200 and getting into the best shape of my life. 223 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,520 I'm 51 years old and I was like, okay, 224 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,400 I felt like I was getting a little bit tired 225 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,240 not having the same level of energy. 226 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,120 I mean, I consider myself a very, very high 227 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,240 octane person. 228 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,840 But and I was still high octane, but it not on the same level. 229 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,000 So I said, I wanna work, I wanna lift, 230 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,040 I wanna work out again, cardio, pull, pull, pull, force. 231 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,640 But it took me to, for the message to resonate, 232 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,920 to say, I'm ready to do it now 233 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,560 and make that commitment every single day, 234 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:53,840 well, six out of seven days. 235 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,000 I give myself a day break, but the point is, 236 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,120 I'm consistent. 237 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,560 I have to be consistent. 238 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,120 I have to say to myself, I'm doing this. 239 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:05,200 But for years, if anyone said, hey, you should, you should eat 240 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,640 a little healthier, you should do that. 241 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,440 Exercise is really good for you as you get into your 50s. 242 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:10,720 Sure, absolutely, I agree. 243 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,480 But did it resonate to where I actually was gonna do it? 244 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,840 And I've learned later in life 245 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,960 that understanding things is simple. 246 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,320 Most people do and agree with it. 247 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,120 Not gonna fight it. 248 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:27,840 But it's to select you that allow it to go through their mind, 249 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:28,560 their soul. 250 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,720 It's like, it goes through their body where like, I need to do this. 251 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,080 And that's what you have to do with relationships. 252 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,840 You have to get to the place where you say I'm going 253 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,200 to actually do it. 254 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,680 It matters if I don't, I'm missing the chance of a lifetime. 255 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:49,360 And that's where you have to get to. 256 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:54,160 Another thing is a lot of times people are information seekers, right? 257 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,320 So we want to find the best therapist. 258 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,280 That's great. 259 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,000 The best book. 260 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,480 Okay, the best advice, the best YouTube advice. 261 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,880 Ted talk, whatever, anything. 262 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,160 You want to get the best. 263 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,600 And we're always, oh, I found this. 264 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,400 This is great. 265 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,360 Found out that's great. 266 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,720 Hey, I got a new way. 267 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,280 It loses a weight. 268 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:12,160 That's great. 269 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:13,440 New way to have a great relationship. 270 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,480 That's great. 271 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,280 Okay, that's fine. 272 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,120 But in the end of the day, you've got to ask yourself, 273 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,320 what do you believe in? 274 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,600 What is resonating with you that sounds like the one for you? 275 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,600 You want to lose a little weight? 276 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,280 What diet works for you? 277 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,320 Or what way of eating? 278 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:28,800 Hey, you want to get in great shape? 279 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:29,280 Exercise. 280 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,080 What works for you? 281 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,920 Find what works for you. 282 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,040 What resonates with you. 283 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,680 And you feel good about the, that's the one. 284 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:36,880 And stick with something. 285 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,400 You have to stick with something. 286 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:38,880 We let it. 287 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:42,000 So we're always trying to find a new cutting edge, 288 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,880 shiny new toy to learn more information. 289 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:49,360 We become, we become experts on a topic, 290 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,400 but do nothing. 291 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,120 We do nothing. 292 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,200 We say, well, I know all about losing weight. 293 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,400 Well, wait. 294 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,760 I know, I know every principle about having a great relationship, 295 00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:58,640 but we don't have one. 296 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,880 I know all great. 297 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,080 All about nutrition. 298 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:02,800 We don't do it. 299 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,840 So in the end of the day is it's about what you do. 300 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,240 And so when you take a message, you agree with it. 301 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,080 You have to get to that point where you 302 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,280 pick something, stick with it because it resonates with you. 303 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,680 And I've also found that, 304 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,000 and there's always been my favorite theory. 305 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:22,160 Absolute favorite theory is the Kiss theory. 306 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,840 I loved it. 307 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:25,440 Always have. 308 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,000 Always will. 309 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,200 The Kiss theory, which is keep it simple, Stu, but 310 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:36,240 and it's, I found it to work in most aspects of my life 311 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,080 and others that I paid attention to. 312 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:42,080 You find what works, what works, and you go for it, 313 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,920 and you stick with it, and you fail, 314 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:45,760 and you get back up and you keep doing it. 315 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:51,600 You know, I can never, I can only imagine a doctor saying, 316 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,480 you know, if you have to drink more water and you go home and you say, 317 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,560 I cannot believe what this doctor said. 318 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:57,360 What did he say? 319 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,080 What did he say? 320 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,080 He said, "Drink more water." 321 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,680 Or are you drinking a lot of water? 322 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:02,720 No, not at all. 323 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,160 He said, "Drink more water." 324 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,200 What a disgrace. 325 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,600 This guy is a joke or she's a joke. 326 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,560 I cannot believe I need to drink more water. 327 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:11,440 Who would say that? 328 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,640 You wouldn't do it. 329 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,360 You'd say, "Yeah, I probably should drink more water and be hydrated." 330 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,640 Study show. 331 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:17,760 You're more healthy when you drink more, 332 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,120 you know, appropriate amount of water. 333 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:19,360 Great. 334 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,960 But do you do it? 335 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:26,240 So the key is to actually do the things that actually work. 336 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:30,240 So when I think about the principles that we've talked about 337 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,560 caring, it matters. 338 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,000 Not being indifferent. 339 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,760 How many times we use that as a weapon? 340 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:36,880 Uh, that's fine, I, whatever. 341 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,400 You want to go out tonight? 342 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,080 Yeah, I guess. 343 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,720 It's indifference. 344 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,320 You want to get rid of the indifference. 345 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,120 You got to care. 346 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,080 You got to show you care. 347 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,600 Have the guts to show you care. 348 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,280 You can't give up. 349 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,000 You're going to fail. 350 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,280 It's just going to happen. 351 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:52,160 Embrace failure. 352 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,160 Does it mean you want to be a failure? 353 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,760 Because you're not going to be by embracing it. 354 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,920 You know you can learn from it and get somewhere. 355 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,440 Absolute terms. 356 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,040 You got to say we're going for the dream. 357 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:01,920 Are you doing that? 358 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:02,640 Consistency. 359 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,680 Are you doing this daily on a Wednesday when you don't feel good? 360 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,040 Or maybe you're anxious about something. 361 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:07,920 We're all human beings. 362 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:08,880 We have our times. 363 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,560 We don't feel good about things. 364 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,160 Maybe irrational fears are human. 365 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,000 Are we going through the trying? 366 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:14,800 You know what I mentioned? 367 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,000 Talked about the triangle theory. 368 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,840 Do you want to elevate yourself to a higher level? 369 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:18,640 And the answer is yes. 370 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,960 And you get to go for it, right? 371 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,880 But these simple things that I say, 372 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,080 you're probably not going to argue, right? 373 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,280 So what do you mean? 374 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,160 You should care. 375 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,200 No one's going to come and say, 376 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,720 no, you should not care about your relationship. 377 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:29,920 That's how you have a great relationship. 378 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:30,400 Don't care. 379 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:30,880 Don't know. 380 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:31,200 It's not. 381 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,480 You're not going to get that. 382 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:32,960 In difference. 383 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,080 No, in difference is great. 384 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:34,720 I'm not going to get it. 385 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,000 Give up. 386 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:36,800 Of course you should give up. 387 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:37,920 They're going to get that. 388 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,120 Everyone's going to agree with all this. 389 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:39,440 Yeah. 390 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:39,840 But you're going to say, 391 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,400 it's nothing new. 392 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:40,800 It's not. 393 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,560 It's new because if you can put these pieces together 394 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:48,000 that are simple and simple to understand and comprehend 395 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,600 and that it can resonate with you. 396 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,720 And you absorb it. 397 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,240 And you do this dally. 398 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:56,160 You can truly now get the momentum 399 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,880 to get the relationship of your dreams. 400 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,000 And that's what this is about. 401 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,360 This is about doing the things that work consistently 402 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,920 and actually getting to a place. 403 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,760 I found it all the time too with getting in shape. 404 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,800 I mean, I should start lifting weights the way I knew how. 405 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,960 Start eating healthier, doing cardio. 406 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,200 I didn't have 50 books to read. 407 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,280 I did basic stuff. 408 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,520 I took a few tips from people at the gym, 409 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,360 few trainers. 410 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:22,960 And I was about it. 411 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,080 And I started doing it. 412 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,080 And I got myself in much better shape. 413 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:26,320 Why? 414 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,040 Because I was doing it consistently. 415 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,640 It resonated with me. 416 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:31,600 And it mattered. 417 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:32,480 And I'm doing it. 418 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,000 And that's when you get the result. 419 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,160 You know, and that's just how life works. 420 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,480 And so, you know, the things that we talk about 421 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,080 if we can put those into play 422 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,520 because it resonates with you. 423 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,880 Let's stick with it. 424 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,040 And let's go for more than average. 425 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,960 Let's go for it all. 426 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:48,720 And that's what I learned. 427 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,080 So, what do you want in life? 428 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,920 What is your relationship want to look with? 429 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:57,520 Like, to find it, go for it with a partner that wants to have the dream. 430 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,960 Okay? 431 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,880 And in the second piece, resonate. 432 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,400 Have it resonate with you. 433 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,040 Absorb it. 434 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,000 Take what resonates. 435 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,400 And do it consistently. 436 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,440 And keep it simple. 437 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,640 These processes, you listen to it, you take it in 438 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,000 and then you put it into play. 439 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:20,240 So, that's really what I believe is going to be monumental 440 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,640 to you getting the marriage of your dreams. 441 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,760 When we come back, I'm going to talk about 442 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,920 what the cost benefit analysis 443 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,400 and in subliminal language 444 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,680 and in a few more topics. 445 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,960 Of course, I'm Marge coach for e4, no BS, Francis Peca. 446 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,960 And we will be back shortly. 447 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:50,960 [Music] 448 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:55,600 Follow Voice America at facebook.com/voysamerica 449 00:16:55,600 --> 00:17:00,080 for juicy updates from your favorite radio shows and podcasts. 450 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:06,480 Marriage coach 444, no BS is a dynamic, inspirational, 451 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:10,880 no nonsense show with the objective to have the marriage of your dreams. 452 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:14,320 Your host, Francis Peca, will use his life's findings 453 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:17,280 on what he truly believes makes this reality. 454 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:21,520 He will use old school beliefs and move that into today's world. 455 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,160 Together, we will embrace all of our emotions 456 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,720 to be 100% authentic and to feel free to feel again. 457 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,240 Emotion, kindness, vulnerability, leadership, 458 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,680 love, resilience is where we will travel to. 459 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,920 We will not be here to walk on eggshells. 460 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,040 We are here to grow, share, and get strong. 461 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:44,960 Marriage coach 444, no BS hosted by Francis Peca. 462 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,280 Weekly episodes available on demand 463 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,520 on the Voice America Health and Wellness Show. 464 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:54,080 Voice America programs are now available 465 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,160 on your favorite connected device, 466 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,120 including Amazon, Alexa, and Google Home. 467 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,040 Through streams with Apple Podcasts, 468 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,720 tune in in iHeartRadio, 469 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:07,120 listening to your favorite show is as easy as saying the show name 470 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,120 followed by the word podcast. 471 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,720 Hey Alexa, life finding your frequency podcast. 472 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,440 If that doesn't work, try adding on tune in 473 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,400 or on iHeartRadio or on Apple Podcasts. 474 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:23,840 Your life, your health, your network, 475 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,720 your listening to Voice America Health and Wellness. 476 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:34,240 [Music] 477 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:39,440 Welcome back to Marriage Coach 444, no BS with Francis Peca. 478 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:44,000 We hope you are enjoying and learning from today's dynamic episode. 479 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,080 Now back to the show with Francis. 480 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:51,520 We're back with Marriage Coach 444, no BS. 481 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,760 That's myself, Francis Peca. 482 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,640 On the second segment in the air of episode three, 483 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:01,040 we talked about you need to know what you want in life, 484 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,040 you have to find out what resonates with you, 485 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,720 and you got to go for it. 486 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,480 And then you got to take these principles 487 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,640 and put it into play every single day with a partner that wants more. 488 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,880 You want more, and your partner wants more, 489 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,720 and you, in this resonates with you, 490 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,040 and you put it into play consistently, 491 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,720 even during tough times, 492 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,960 understand you're going to fail, you are going to get 493 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:24,800 amazing results. 494 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,080 I believe that with all my heart. 495 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,200 What I mentioned I wanted to talk about today, 496 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:34,480 or next I should say, is the cost-benefit analysis. 497 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,040 And I've been lucky earlier in my life. 498 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,880 I learned finance. 499 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,320 I started off as a finance major at Penn State University, 500 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,160 and I really enjoyed it. 501 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,120 At that time in my life, I really liked a lot of the principles that I learned. 502 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:52,560 What I found was I learned most from 503 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,680 when the class was towards the end, 504 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,200 and there was maybe five minutes left, 505 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,400 and the lesson was over. 506 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:02,560 And the professor would kind of walk around and just talk about life, 507 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,360 and talk about real life, business, 508 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,280 and we learned a lot. 509 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,840 And one of the things they really pressed 510 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,440 and pushed in finance is the cost-benefit analysis. 511 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:20,000 And I've been lucky to take a lot that I learned before I got into training throughout the country, 512 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,520 learning to get people to work together, 513 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,880 and becoming a marriage coach, 514 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,720 and really spending a life to really 515 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:31,120 using all my knowledge to help people learn and grow, 516 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,720 and be a team. 517 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,360 Before I even got to that point earlier in life, 518 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,480 I was a money-inskite. 519 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,720 And I thought, you know, 520 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,800 all that I learned then was great, 521 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,360 but it wasn't until I became a trainer, 522 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:47,280 that I thought was starting the process to eventually become a marriage coach, 523 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,720 when I was able to really get people to work together, 524 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,280 that were competing, and that was a big story for me. 525 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:57,760 But that earlier on when I was learning the finance part of it, 526 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,760 and making decisions and negotiating that, 527 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,120 you know, that part really didn't have anything to do with this part of my life now. 528 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,000 And that's not true. 529 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,400 And it wasn't until a little while I realized 530 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:11,920 that a lot that I learned early in finance can be applied in marriages. 531 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,520 Because if you take the marriage piece of relationships, 532 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,680 of feelings, emotions, emotional intelligence, kindness, 533 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,360 all the things that we're talking about, 534 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:25,920 there also has to be an element of getting it done. 535 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,680 So, that's as you've said, 536 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,200 just be kind, be this, be that, 537 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,440 but it comes off sometimes people to become off-soft, 538 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,040 and it's like, that sounds great in theory. 539 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:37,120 But I learned that I can use my finance background 540 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:44,000 my earlier years in life to look at it from a perspective of getting it done. 541 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:49,120 And it wasn't until later where I was able to put those two pieces that are completely different. 542 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,360 I mean, finance and marriage is completely different. 543 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:55,920 But be able to put the pieces together to be able to say, 544 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:59,600 hey, you know, we have a component here where you got to look at this objectively 545 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,120 and get the job accomplished and take all that knowledge. 546 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,760 Then when you get into another realm where you're talking about 547 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:14,560 real feelings and marriage and things that are extremely important in your life, 548 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,160 you can merge them to some degree with the sense of urgency to get it done. 549 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,040 And that's what I've learned. 550 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:23,840 And one of the things that they really press is the cost-benefit analysis. 551 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,960 And I really believe you need to do that in life. 552 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,480 I do that always in life. 553 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,960 I look at life from a cost-benefit analysis. 554 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,600 And I believe you should look at that when it gets down to you, 555 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,760 do you want to have the marriage of your dreams? 556 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,120 See, people get stuck. 557 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,920 They start thinking that they can't have the dream. 558 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,440 They can't have the relationship. 559 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,840 They can't have the career, the health, the fitness. 560 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,920 But problems can be solved in parts. 561 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,840 So if you have a big math problem, you can break it down into parts. 562 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,520 You get done, I've talked about this before. 563 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,480 You get step one done, step two, step three, step four. 564 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,520 Next thing you know, this hard math problem can get done. 565 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,400 A lot can get accomplished in life if you break it down into parts. 566 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,280 But I want you to look at cost-benefit analysis. 567 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,760 What that means is as you go out through life, 568 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:15,760 ask yourself the cost versus the benefit of making a decision to do something. 569 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,400 So should I buy, I don't know, should I buy this car? 570 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,480 Well, it's going to cost me a lot of money. 571 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,080 I'm going to have a payment. 572 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,760 Am I insurance-maker-up? 573 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,600 Whatever. 574 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,760 Okay, it's your cost. 575 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,800 Now, you know, there's all sorts of costs that go involved. 576 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,760 Okay, is it big enough for the, just fit the groceries, the kids? 577 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,920 You know, is there going to be enough room to get older? 578 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,040 You know, all the costs. 579 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,120 And then you look at the benefits. 580 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:44,400 Well, I'm going to enjoy it or maybe it is large enough. 581 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,960 It's better on gas or it performs better. 582 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,600 It's newer, it won't break down. 583 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,920 A lot of things are, you know, 584 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,920 encompassed the benefits. 585 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,560 So you got to look at everything from a cost-benefit analysis. 586 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:57,920 So I'm going to ask yourself a question. 587 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:02,880 Ask yourself what your life looks like if you don't do it, 588 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:08,000 then ask what it looks like if you do go for it, or you do do it. 589 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,240 And so let me ask you this. 590 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:15,280 Not an average relationship, not a good relationship, but going for the actual 591 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,720 marriage of your dreams, the real gold, okay? 592 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:19,280 The real one. 593 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,160 You know, go all for it. 594 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:27,920 Not what most people are doing, but what really would be magical? 595 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,080 Going for the dream. 596 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:34,080 Now, let's ask yourself from a cost-benefit analysis perspective. 597 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,560 You're going to go for your marriage of your dreams. 598 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:40,800 Okay, you have a great shot of getting the dream. 599 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,240 If you go for it, okay? 600 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,680 You have great hope. 601 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,080 Just by simply going for it, you have hope. 602 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,600 You're going to feel up. 603 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,000 You're going to have higher energy. 604 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:56,160 You're going to have higher self-esteem because you're going for something special 605 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:56,960 with your partner. 606 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,440 But let me ask you this question. 607 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:00,480 What if you don't go for it? 608 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,680 Well, I don't need to go for it. 609 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:06,000 You know, this is focus, focus, ridiculous, not realistic. 610 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,200 So you don't go for your dream. 611 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,680 So let's look at what the cost is. 612 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,920 No shot at the dream. 613 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,640 If you're not going to go for it and you act indifferent, you don't care. 614 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:17,440 I don't need it. 615 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:18,160 You're not getting it. 616 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:19,600 So you pretty much throw that away. 617 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,120 So you got no shot at the dream. 618 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,560 So instead of a great shot at the dream, you got no shot at the dream. 619 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:30,320 What hope do you have of having it be amazing and special and magical, incredible. 620 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,720 Being the one that has an amazing relationship. 621 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:35,360 You got no hope. 622 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:36,720 You're not going to go for it. 623 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:37,120 You don't care. 624 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,000 You're not getting it. 625 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:38,960 So you got no hope. 626 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,120 No shot at the dream versus great hope. 627 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,080 Great shot at the dream. 628 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:46,160 You're going to feel up and excited about not going for it. 629 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,440 No, down versus up. 630 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,360 Energy is going to be lower. 631 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:52,160 Low versus high and self esteem. 632 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,440 I think if you're in a relationship, I mean, maybe you have high self esteem. 633 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,880 I don't know, but I feel like you're going to relationship this terrible and you're never getting out of it. 634 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,920 But you're just going to be okay with mediocrity or C or D forever. 635 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,600 I don't know. 636 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,120 I can't imagine that making you have to feel so great about yourself. 637 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,040 Okay, you can argue that. 638 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:14,560 I'm sure, but I don't think it really breeds self esteem and confidence in yourself. 639 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:15,760 So, you know, you look at it. 640 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:16,800 No shot at the dream. 641 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:17,520 Lost hope. 642 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:18,000 Down. 643 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:18,640 Low energy. 644 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,760 So low self esteem by not going for the dream. 645 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:22,400 There's your cost. 646 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,400 Not going for your dream marriage. 647 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,080 Go for your dream marriage. 648 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:26,960 Great shot at it. 649 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,040 And you're going to go for it with that absolute terms. 650 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,280 And put these principles in play. 651 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,640 You have a great shot of getting the dream. 652 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:33,520 Good, great shot. 653 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,400 Nothing's guaranteed. 654 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:34,960 Great shot. 655 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,480 Great hope. 656 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:37,920 Just by going for it. 657 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:38,400 Great hope. 658 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:39,840 Up. 659 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:40,800 High energy. 660 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,080 High self esteem. 661 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,040 You know, and we can go through this and I guarantee you can come up with a ton more 662 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,040 costs and a ton more benefits. 663 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,400 And I think the more you do, you'll more realize not going for your dream. 664 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,400 It's terrible. 665 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,520 You get one shot at this world. 666 00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:58,080 One shot. 667 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,200 And at some point, we're going to be expired. 668 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,000 Just like eggs. 669 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,600 Just like milk. 670 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:04,480 We're going to be expired. 671 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:05,440 We're going to go away. 672 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,720 Okay, at least on this earth. 673 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,640 And at that point, you got to ask yourself, what did you do? 674 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,920 I met my wife. 675 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:14,720 I love her. 676 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:15,600 I met my husband. 677 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,160 I love him. 678 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,960 Did you ever really have it all? 679 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:19,200 No. 680 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,760 Why didn't you have it all? 681 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:22,880 Because we didn't go for it. 682 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:23,760 We didn't have the guts. 683 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,560 We're too scared. 684 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,400 Too afraid to be vulnerable. 685 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,920 Too scared to put our pride on the line. 686 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,240 And go for it. 687 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:33,680 We're so worried about our pride. 688 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:34,400 What's that matter? 689 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:35,120 What's the pride? 690 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:36,080 You're pride. 691 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,440 You should be more proud of yourself by going for the dream 692 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,160 and being vulnerable and being a real man and a real woman 693 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,480 and going for your dream, then put in your, you know, 694 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,480 then always having to be right in every argument. 695 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,880 Always having to get more. 696 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,640 Always feeling shorted it. 697 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,120 When you go for things, you're going to feel good. 698 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:54,240 You're going to be more kind. 699 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:55,760 You're going to feel more confident in yourself. 700 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,000 So the truth of the matter is, 701 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,800 is if you're going to go for your dreams, 702 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,560 it's well worth the cause benefit analysis. 703 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:09,200 There's no way I can, and any way I can see how it's not worth it. 704 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,000 Now, maybe the shirt and circumstances someone come in 705 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,400 some obscure circumstance, I don't know. 706 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:15,280 But in the end of the day, 707 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,360 I feel you go for it. 708 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:20,320 This is your shot. 709 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:21,440 This is your life. 710 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,040 Don't worry about your ego. 711 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,400 Ego gets into way all the time. 712 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,160 Don't worry about it. 713 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:27,360 You don't always need to be right. 714 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,280 Be kind. 715 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:29,920 Give more. 716 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,240 Connect with someone. 717 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,120 Have them go for it. 718 00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:33,920 You go for it. 719 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,960 The cost benefit analysis, if you do it, 720 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,560 it becomes really clear and should resonate with you 721 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:46,000 that now is the time to actually go for your dreams. 722 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:52,400 Another thing I want to talk about is what I call subliminal language. 723 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:57,840 And subliminal language, I say, is your best language. 724 00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,200 Now, I know a lot of people listening and I saw the stats, 725 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,120 you know, people from all over in different countries. 726 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,520 So I was going to say, because I live in the United States, 727 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:10,480 that you may speak English because it's prominent language in the United States. 728 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,600 But no, I mean, you may speak Spanish, English, 729 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,760 whatever your prominent language is. 730 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,600 I'll tell you, you know what you speak better? 731 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:20,480 Let's say it's English. 732 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:25,360 Let's say your language that you primarily speak is English. 733 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:32,880 Okay, I'll tell you right now, you speak subliminal language or messaging. 734 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:39,200 Language and better and more developed than your English, I would argue. 735 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:45,440 Now you can argue that, but I would argue that your subliminal language is absolutely 736 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,400 pristine. You know exactly what you're doing. You're an expert. 737 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:53,280 But if you were to speak about the English language, it's easy, right? 738 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,280 You can tell someone, what does the word cat mean? 739 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:56,560 Well, I don't want to cat means. 740 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,640 What's the dog? What's water? 741 00:29:58,640 --> 00:29:59,920 What's air? 742 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:02,560 You know, you could, everyone can agree on everything. 743 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:11,040 Subliminal language within a relationship is the undercover language that we all know 744 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,000 is experts, literally as experts. 745 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,120 But we pretend it doesn't exist. 746 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:23,680 So it's just this obscure, it's just this fantasy that doesn't exist that exists every single day. 747 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,920 And you know what I'm talking about? 748 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,680 We pretend we don't know what we do. 749 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:34,400 Everything has a tone, a way, and there's an, and it really is, we should have a book. 750 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:39,120 Okay, we should have a book that says, okay, relationship subliminal language. 751 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:43,360 And what does this mean? This means this. This means that. 752 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,880 But I guess we don't really need the book as we're experts. We already know what it means. 753 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,480 So it doesn't really matter, I guess. 754 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,720 Think about this in your relationship. 755 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,680 Hey, love you. 756 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,200 Love you. 757 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,000 Okay, the response was love you. 758 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:00,160 What does that mean? 759 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,000 Let's, let's, let's, let's look this up. 760 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,280 It means whatever. 761 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,200 No, I said I love you. 762 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,160 Yeah, I know. 763 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:07,120 Love you. 764 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,480 Love you. 765 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:08,480 Love you. 766 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,480 It means whatever. 767 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,320 Dinner tonight? 768 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,720 Yeah, I guess. 769 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,880 It means I'm not really happy. 770 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,360 Yeah, I guess whatever. 771 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,200 Not thrilled about going out tonight with you. 772 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:22,000 That's what that means. 773 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,040 Yeah, I guess. 774 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:24,080 I'm irritated with you. 775 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,240 I mean, it couldn't mean multiple things, obviously. 776 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:29,280 But you know if you're in the relationship, what it really means most of the time. 777 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,640 You're not happy. 778 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,080 Something's wrong. 779 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,480 Board, something. 780 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:35,280 You figured out. 781 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,560 Hey, you want to go upstairs? 782 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,960 Because you know what that means, 783 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,080 you're going to go upstairs. 784 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,440 Maybe later. 785 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,840 What's that mean? 786 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,920 It means I'm annoyed. 787 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:49,760 And I don't feel attracted to you right now. 788 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:50,560 That's what it means. 789 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,720 We can do this all day, right? 790 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:56,080 Hey, you know, I was thinking about maybe planning 791 00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:56,880 and trip together. 792 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,240 Yeah, I don't know. 793 00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,600 I'm finance is tight right now. 794 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,000 You know, and I got the things I want to work on. 795 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:02,480 We'll see. 796 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:06,160 I'm not really interested in connecting with you and having a great 797 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,880 exciting summer or whatever whenever you want to go. 798 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:13,200 See, all this is is in the language. 799 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,120 When you become an expert at this language, 800 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:16,480 and you can start mastering it, 801 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,520 and we can start rearranging the way we think in this subliminal 802 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,360 in the language I call it, I call it. 803 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,200 Then we can start changing things. 804 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,840 Know that when it someone tells you I love you, 805 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,920 you come back with, I love you too. 806 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,080 Dinner and tonight? 807 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:32,800 Absolutely. 808 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:33,520 Where do you want to go? 809 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,240 It'll change the entire platform of your relationship. 810 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,320 You want to go upstairs? 811 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:39,040 Absolutely. 812 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,640 Give me like two minutes. 813 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,040 Just kind of finish on the right up. 814 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:43,920 I can super excited. 815 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:47,760 Everything starts changing because instead of everyone 816 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,000 lowering, everything's reducing. 817 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:51,680 We're reducing. 818 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:52,720 Everything's getting reduced. 819 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:53,280 Love you. 820 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:53,600 Love you. 821 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:54,960 Love you. 822 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:55,440 You too. 823 00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:00,720 We're reducing the energy, reducing the power of the love. 824 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,240 We're reducing everything. 825 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,200 So the person receives that language. 826 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,560 And what are they going to do? 827 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:07,760 They're going to give it back. 828 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,520 Okay, yeah, I was kind of tired too, 829 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:10,560 but I just figured I'd ask. 830 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:11,360 See, now you're doubled. 831 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:12,080 Now you're dropping. 832 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,400 Dinner and tonight? 833 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,760 Yeah, I probably don't need to calculate. 834 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:16,640 Or he's, I don't know. 835 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,000 Yeah, we'll go maybe next week. 836 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,600 See, now you're going to, you're going to drop too. 837 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,520 Because now you're feeling hurt. 838 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,000 But we can't say we've got our feelings hurt. 839 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:24,800 We don't want the guts. 840 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,600 We got your, your ego. 841 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:26,560 So what are we going to do? 842 00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:27,680 We got to drop it. 843 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:28,480 So then what do you do? 844 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:29,280 You drop it back. 845 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,880 Next thing you know, this becomes your culture. 846 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:31,600 Everything is a drop. 847 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:32,880 If they ask yourself this question 848 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:34,320 when you speak to each other, 849 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:35,520 are you dropping? 850 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:36,960 Is whatever said to you, 851 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,960 some sort of power played to drop? 852 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:42,000 Okay, this little dropping of energy, 853 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,520 whatever is brought to you positive. 854 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,120 We got to tone it down just one notch, 855 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,800 not mean like, hey, you want to go upstairs? 856 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:47,440 No way. 857 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:48,560 No, it doesn't have to be that. 858 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:49,600 Just enough. 859 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:51,600 Just enough to stay in control and drop it. 860 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:52,880 That's how you destroy a relationship. 861 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:53,840 And I, my opinion. 862 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,680 We got to learn how to master subliminal language 863 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:01,280 within our relationship by increasing the volume. 864 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,680 Increase the volume. 865 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,600 And I'm going to talk about that when we get back. 866 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,120 I call it the double down theory. 867 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,960 I have an article written on it. 868 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,720 And you want to check it out on our website. 869 00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:15,600 But it's, you know, I really believe in a double down. 870 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,080 I've talked about this so many times with the clients 871 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,600 and it's been amazing. 872 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,760 And it's really changes things. 873 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,680 I start with a double down before I even talk about 874 00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:25,680 the subliminal and I'm doing it a little differently this time. 875 00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:28,560 You know, kind of talk about what the real language is 876 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:30,880 that's being spoken and how this is detrimental 877 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,480 and how if we use the double down theory 878 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,480 that I believe in that I created. 879 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,920 And my mind and I watch it work, it's pretty cool. 880 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:38,880 You start changing. 881 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,680 You start becoming more cognizant of the subliminal language. 882 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,520 You start increasing everything. 883 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,560 And you start seeing some really cool results. 884 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,760 When we get back, I'm going to talk about the double down theory. 885 00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:53,600 Again, a marriage coach 444 no BS with myself. 886 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,120 Francis Pica, we will be back. 887 00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:57,120 Sure. 888 00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:11,280 Voice America is on LinkedIn. 889 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,200 Connect with us today. 890 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:18,240 These days, everyone is looking for information on staying young, 891 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:19,600 healthy and fit. 892 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,640 The Voice America Health and Wellness Network is here to help you 893 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,520 on your quest to better health and a better you. 894 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,800 We talk about everything from diet, fitness and aging 895 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,720 to substance abuse, personal growth, mental health and much more. 896 00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:35,520 Learn from our experts who cover health and wellness 897 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,920 from traditional and holistic perspectives. 898 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,800 tune in to the Voice America Health and Wellness Network. 899 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:42,400 Healthy Living starts here. 900 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,800 Have you become a member yet? 901 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00:36:23,120 You're listening to Voice America Health and Wellness. 914 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:36,240 Welcome back to Marriage Coach 444-0BS with Francis Pake. 915 00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:40,720 We hope you are enjoying and learning from today's dynamic episode. 916 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:42,880 Now back to the show with Francis. 917 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:48,880 Welcome back to the third and final segment of our show. 918 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:53,360 It's Marriage Coach 444-0BS with myself, Francis Pake. 919 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:59,040 Today we're talking about, well, at the last segment here, 920 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,000 I finished talking about subliminal language, 921 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:06,560 which is your best language I would believe in your relationship. 922 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:11,600 It's when we're talking and we know what the deciphered meaning of something is. 923 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,200 And if we don't, we figure it out. 924 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:17,360 It's one of two or one of three things or all three or all two. 925 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:22,080 It's really something that we live with and what happens is we don't conquer it. 926 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,800 We don't conquer this language. 927 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:29,760 We fall to it. 928 00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:31,680 We submit to this language. 929 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,720 It becomes like our culture in our relationship. 930 00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:37,600 And then we don't even know what we're doing. 931 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:42,400 And you start playing games with each other with everything's a little bit of a notch down, 932 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,400 just a little bit lower. 933 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:45,920 When someone says something, "I love you." 934 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:46,880 "It's a little lower." 935 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:47,680 "Let's have sex." 936 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:48,640 "Little lower." 937 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:49,440 "Let's go out to eat." 938 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:50,080 "Little lower." 939 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:51,120 "Let's plan a vacation." 940 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:52,640 "Little lower." 941 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:53,840 What do I mean by "Little lower?" 942 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:54,800 Well, sure, I guess. 943 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,960 Yeah, we can go upstairs. 944 00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,080 Yeah, how much is going to cost that restaurant? 945 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:01,360 You know, everything's just a little lower. 946 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,640 But maybe you're even, maybe some people are even more shrewd. 947 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,080 They don't even go that low. 948 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:09,040 You know, some people maybe go just a tiny bit lower, 949 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:09,360 right? 950 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:10,800 Seems a little more respectful. 951 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,880 Okay, but it's still lower. 952 00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,680 And so what we're doing is we're learning that the culture of our relationship 953 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,760 is to drop the volume a little. 954 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,760 So you won't do that in the beginning of a relationship. 955 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:20,720 Okay? 956 00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:23,440 Try that on a first date or maybe let's say you fall in love. 957 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:24,400 Absolutely incredible. 958 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:25,040 Falling in love. 959 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:25,680 Fifth date. 960 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:26,960 Still super early, right? 961 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,560 And it's like, "Well, you want to, 962 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:29,440 "what do you want to do this for? 963 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:30,240 "It's Thursday night. 964 00:38:30,240 --> 00:38:31,120 "What do you want to do tomorrow night?" 965 00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:33,440 What do you want to do? 966 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:33,920 I don't know. 967 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:34,480 What do you want to do? 968 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:34,960 That'd be cool. 969 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:36,000 I was thinking of these ideas. 970 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:36,400 Oh, really? 971 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:37,600 That'd be a great restaurant. 972 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:38,880 And then after we can do this, 973 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,320 and that'd be awesome. 974 00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:40,960 I can't wait. 975 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:41,680 Now me too. 976 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,160 I'm like, "As soon as I get home from work and go get a shower, 977 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,640 "I'll give you a call and pick you up and get the car wash." 978 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,160 And you're upping everything. 979 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,160 And then your partner's upping it. 980 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:50,800 And upping it. 981 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:51,440 And upping it. 982 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:51,920 And upping it. 983 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,640 What do you think is going to happen when you are upping it? 984 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,560 New in a relationship, everyone does this by default. 985 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:57,920 Because deep down we know what to do. 986 00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,680 Okay? 987 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:00,880 And we don't want to lose that relationship. 988 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:01,520 We're falling in love. 989 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,040 Our energy, our chemicals are flying. 990 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:03,920 So what are we doing? 991 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:05,280 We're upping everything. 992 00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,440 Everything. 993 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:09,840 Hey, you know, Friday night, 994 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,480 after we go out, you know, we have some fun upstairs. 995 00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:16,400 You know, not just that about Saturday and Sunday too. 996 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,280 You kidding me? 997 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:18,640 Up. 998 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:19,360 Everything's up. 999 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:20,080 Hey, do you want to go out and eat? 1000 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:21,360 Yeah, but what do you want to do after? 1001 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,320 Up. 1002 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:23,200 You want to plan a trip? 1003 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:24,800 Yeah, let's plan a trip. 1004 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:25,600 Let's make it fun. 1005 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,840 Let's go get, you know, a drink or something, 1006 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,640 to get a little sit down and we'll go through everything. 1007 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,240 Up. 1008 00:39:34,240 --> 00:39:34,960 Everything's up. 1009 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:35,680 So you're excited. 1010 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,280 What do you think that means at the end of the night? 1011 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,560 I mean, your intimacy is going to be pretty damn good. 1012 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,440 I mean, your connection is going to be good. 1013 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,760 It means the conversations are going to be good. 1014 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,920 And means feeling safe is going to be higher. 1015 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,960 Because everything is up, up, up, up, up. 1016 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,840 But we learn in a relationship because we can't handle 1017 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:56,640 on our fragile egos, I believe is the big reason. 1018 00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:00,160 We're worried that our partner doesn't love us as much. 1019 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,800 Okay, so we're going to drop it a notch. 1020 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,600 So he's going to make sure we're safe. 1021 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:06,720 So we're going to drop it a notch. 1022 00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:08,480 Because, you know, I can get hurt a little less. 1023 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,200 If you give me an eight and I give you a seven and a half 1024 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,800 in love back, I'm a little safer than you, right? 1025 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:15,920 If it don't go well tonight. 1026 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:17,600 We got to get off that. 1027 00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,880 And we get to learn to up everything. 1028 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:25,760 I found that in most subliminal messaging that I can, I call it, 1029 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:30,160 I found that stems from feeling neglected, not important, 1030 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:35,360 not loved, not appreciated, or not a priority. 1031 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,760 In other words, you just don't feel important enough 1032 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,120 and cared for and loved enough. 1033 00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:42,320 I mean, like you just, you don't feel your specials. 1034 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:43,040 Put it that way. 1035 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:46,160 You don't feel you're as special as you used to be 1036 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,280 or you're just not as special as you would hope it to be. 1037 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,240 And so by thinking that way, 1038 00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:53,840 what happens? 1039 00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,120 You tone it down. 1040 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:56,160 You tone it down. 1041 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,720 And then eventually you tone it down long enough. 1042 00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:00,960 A couple tones it down long enough. 1043 00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:01,920 And you're going to get mad. 1044 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:05,440 Well, whatever, I guess we're not going to do shit tonight, are we? 1045 00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:07,360 Whoa, where'd that come from? 1046 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:08,400 No, I don't say that. 1047 00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,560 Well, I guess we'll never have sex. 1048 00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:11,760 You know, again, do it the Friday. 1049 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:12,800 I guess this will be next week. 1050 00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:13,760 You know, you're being smart, right? 1051 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:14,880 It doesn't mean it's really true, 1052 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,240 but maybe it's a dramatic answer. 1053 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:20,480 Well, I guess we'll go on vacation when we retire, right? 1054 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,720 You start getting mad, 1055 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:24,320 because people's needs aren't getting bad. 1056 00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:26,400 Instead of upping it and getting more and more needs 1057 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,560 being mad and building your relationship, 1058 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:29,920 we're the king this. 1059 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,080 And we're feeling more and more, 1060 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:33,680 it gets boring. 1061 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:35,600 It's not exciting. 1062 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:36,480 It's not connected. 1063 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:39,600 So what happens is your next thing, you know, it's like, 1064 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,520 I don't know, I'm already 10 years. 1065 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:43,840 Been married 15 years. 1066 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,040 You know how it all is. 1067 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:45,520 No, it isn't. 1068 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,640 So what you chose is to game your plate. 1069 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:49,280 It's what you chose. 1070 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:50,720 You don't need to live that way. 1071 00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:52,080 You don't need to live that way. 1072 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:53,920 Because most of the time when I talk to people, 1073 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:54,960 do you love your husband? 1074 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:55,920 Oh my goodness. 1075 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:57,600 Love my husband with all my heart. 1076 00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,440 I would never want to lose him. 1077 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:00,240 Do you love your wife? 1078 00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:00,800 Oh my goodness. 1079 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:01,280 I love her. 1080 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:02,240 She's my dream woman. 1081 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:03,440 I love her so much. 1082 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:04,560 But they still do all this stuff. 1083 00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:05,920 Were you happy? 1084 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:06,880 No, we're not happy. 1085 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:07,520 Are you excited? 1086 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:08,640 Not excited. 1087 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:09,360 Intimate now. 1088 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,360 Barely. 1089 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:18,240 I mean, it's because we can't handle doing it right 1090 00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:21,920 and being committed to doing this on a consistent basis. 1091 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,320 Ask yourself this, great. 1092 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:25,440 A lot of times people get upset. 1093 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,760 Right, so while somebody has cuised me of, 1094 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:29,600 you know, do you like anyone else? 1095 00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,680 Is there someone else? 1096 00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:32,880 Someone gets a little insecure? 1097 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,120 Or people get like that. 1098 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:36,800 You know, people are afraid. 1099 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,280 You know, people make bonnivators, kid around. 1100 00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:40,320 People are human beings. 1101 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:41,760 They get afraid that, you know, 1102 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,320 their husband or their wife might be not into them anymore. 1103 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:45,680 Or they get a little paranoid. 1104 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:46,960 Or is there anyone else? 1105 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:50,000 Okay, many times there's nobody else in them at all. 1106 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,400 And so the partner gets mad. 1107 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,200 It's like, what are you accusing me of? 1108 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:56,240 I've never done anything. 1109 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,760 Okay, you've never done anything. 1110 00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,000 Or, hey, you know, you don't want to go out for it. 1111 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,160 Like, what don't you care anymore? 1112 00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:03,040 What are you talking about? 1113 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:03,520 I'm busy. 1114 00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:03,920 Don't you know what? 1115 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:05,040 Worked all week? 1116 00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,120 You know, I just want to relax and watch a show. 1117 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:07,520 Okay. 1118 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:09,360 Okay, you want to watch a show. 1119 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:14,160 Okay, so like, we get into this, this, this mind 1120 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:17,040 where like everything just becomes lower. 1121 00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:19,920 Okay, people are scared. 1122 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,080 That's why they're questioning. 1123 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,160 Okay, is there anyone else? 1124 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:25,840 Or you don't want to hang out with me right now? 1125 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,880 Or why didn't someone post that it was our anniversary? 1126 00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:29,920 Or anything? 1127 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,120 Okay, people, people feel nervous. 1128 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,520 And so what happens is the partner gets upset with this. 1129 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:37,920 What do you mean I didn't do that? 1130 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:38,320 Who cares? 1131 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,800 I was posting about my basketball game. 1132 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:41,520 Like, what's that matter? 1133 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,440 Like, what, why are you making a big deal out of this? 1134 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:45,040 Of course, there's no one else. 1135 00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,160 I'm not that kind of person. 1136 00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:49,120 Okay, maybe all this is 100% true. 1137 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,320 Like, 100% true. 1138 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,640 Maybe you did work all week. 1139 00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,040 But I want to ask yourself this question. 1140 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,400 And I really recommend it. 1141 00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,320 When your partner is upset with you 1142 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,080 and maybe they accuse you or... 1143 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:03,440 And I'm not saying that's okay. 1144 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,280 But maybe it's like they're getting a little nervous, 1145 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:06,480 a little stressed or something. 1146 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,800 And I'm not saying like terrible or nothing abusive. 1147 00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:09,840 But just a little, 1148 00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:11,040 a little pressing, a little nervous. 1149 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,280 Settiging mad. 1150 00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,680 Maybe ask the question, 1151 00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:17,520 why am I being asked that? 1152 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,560 Maybe it's because they don't feel loved. 1153 00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,920 And if you feel loved, you don't need to ask. 1154 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,240 Do you want to hang out with me on Friday night? 1155 00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:29,440 If you feel loved, they want to hang out with you on Friday night. 1156 00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:30,720 Okay. 1157 00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:32,480 If you feel loved, they want to be with you physically. 1158 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,120 Usually, at least. 1159 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,640 Okay. 1160 00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:40,000 So the reality is ask yourself the question 1161 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,120 when there's an argument. 1162 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:45,120 This will help so many people with these arguments. 1163 00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:46,880 Ask yourself every time there's an argument 1164 00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:47,760 in your relationship. 1165 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:48,480 This question. 1166 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,480 Ask yourself this question. 1167 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:54,160 Is my partner mad at me 1168 00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,680 because they just want to be a jerk? 1169 00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:57,520 Or is it really because of this? 1170 00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,720 Is it because they want more out of me? 1171 00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:05,840 They want more of my time, more of my intimacy, 1172 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:09,040 more of my life, my interest. 1173 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:12,800 Or they're scared to someone else because they want me 1174 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:13,760 to be the number one. 1175 00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:15,040 They want to be the number one. 1176 00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,280 They want to be the only one, of course, in a relationship. 1177 00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,320 And if you ask yourself that question, 1178 00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,280 and you can say, you know what, 1179 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,160 yeah, my partner is being cranky or irritable 1180 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,160 or whatever, or maybe a little bit of accusatory 1181 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:30,240 or a kind of side, it's a little bit kind of insinuating 1182 00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:31,520 that there's something, anything. 1183 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,080 Ask yourself if it's because they just want more love. 1184 00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,200 And if the answer is yes, 1185 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,000 because they're vulnerable and they're scared, 1186 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:44,240 then instead of defending yourself, 1187 00:45:44,240 --> 00:45:45,760 I would never be with anyone else. 1188 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:47,600 I'm tired, you know. 1189 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,680 You didn't work as long as me today. 1190 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,440 So maybe tomorrow we'll be together, 1191 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:52,320 intimately, whatever. 1192 00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:52,640 Okay. 1193 00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:53,920 Ask yourself. 1194 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,120 They're mad because they want more out of you. 1195 00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:01,520 Is that so bad to have a partner that wants more from you? 1196 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,920 They want more from you because they love you. 1197 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:08,080 So you don't come back by making it worse, 1198 00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:11,120 by getting mad at them for them wanting more out of you. 1199 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,120 They want more out of you because they love you. 1200 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:17,760 If you reciprocate with, of course, the never-view analysis, 1201 00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:18,640 you're my number one. 1202 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:19,360 You're my only. 1203 00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:20,480 I would never do that. 1204 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:21,360 Oh my god, look at me. 1205 00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:23,040 I would never do that. 1206 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:24,800 I love you. 1207 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:26,640 Of course, I want to be with you. 1208 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,080 I'm so tired, but you know what? 1209 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:29,920 I'm going to go to a shower, I'm going to clean up, 1210 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,320 but I mean, you know, you know, whatever. 1211 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:33,040 I've got a coffee. 1212 00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,480 Yeah, you matter. 1213 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,200 You're not going to see these arguments as much. 1214 00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:39,360 Make, like I said before, 1215 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,920 make your partner your first, your second, your third, 1216 00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,000 and your fourth priority. 1217 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:44,560 I always say that. 1218 00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:47,920 Your kids, your partner, you make them the priority in life. 1219 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,800 A lot of these problems go away. 1220 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,280 And when you have arguments, again, ask yourself the question, 1221 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:56,800 why are you? 1222 00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,920 And if you're arguing because they want more of you, 1223 00:46:59,920 --> 00:47:00,720 it's because they love you. 1224 00:47:00,720 --> 00:47:06,720 Start doing things differently, and I call it the double-down theory. 1225 00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:09,120 This goes with the subliminal messaging, 1226 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:10,960 and I'm talking about the language. 1227 00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:14,640 It goes about with everyone dropping it down like I mentioned, 1228 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:18,880 and it goes with the arguments that stem from, you know, 1229 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:19,760 not feeling love. 1230 00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:25,040 You fix a lot of this through the double-down, what I call it, theory. 1231 00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:27,280 And it goes like this. 1232 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:33,600 If you give some, I'm put this in monetary terms. 1233 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,840 If I decide to give you 50 bucks, 1234 00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:41,680 if I gave somebody 50 dollars out of nowhere, 1235 00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:45,280 I was the person who initiated the 50 dollars. 1236 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:49,680 So it's technically, in a way, I used to say it, 1237 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:52,720 it's worth $100. 1238 00:47:52,720 --> 00:47:56,320 So I gave you the 50 dollars first. 1239 00:47:56,320 --> 00:48:01,840 So it automatically has double value, then if you give me the money back, 1240 00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:04,000 that makes sense. 1241 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:10,880 So by being the catalyst, the person who starts the initiative, 1242 00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,200 who is the initiator of the love. 1243 00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:14,960 So get out of currency and talk about love. 1244 00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:18,480 Okay, anything that's loving for wanting more, going for it. 1245 00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:20,720 Okay, let's go out tonight. 1246 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:22,240 Hey, you need a back rub. 1247 00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:23,120 I love you so much. 1248 00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:24,240 Any, any form of love, 1249 00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:26,720 you know, high quality love, right? 1250 00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:27,840 Anything like that. 1251 00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:31,600 What one person has to start the process? 1252 00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:35,760 And I want you to look at it from your couple perspective 1253 00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:41,680 that whoever starts the process, whatever they do is worth double in currency. 1254 00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:44,400 It's worth double in currency. 1255 00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:48,320 And it's your job who's going to reciprocate to understand 1256 00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:51,440 that your reciprocation cannot be equal to theirs. 1257 00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:55,360 Or it's okay. 1258 00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,680 You got to do better. 1259 00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:58,640 You got to up it. 1260 00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:00,480 So I always say double down. 1261 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:02,400 Try it. 1262 00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:03,600 You'll be amazed. 1263 00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,600 Hey, would you like to go out on Friday night instead of getting into the dropping down 1264 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:08,800 the half a notch? 1265 00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:10,080 Hey, do you want to go out on Friday night? 1266 00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:11,520 Absolutely. 1267 00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:12,560 Absolutely. 1268 00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:14,240 I can't wait to go out tomorrow night. 1269 00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:17,680 In fact, I was, I'm going to let's think about some great places to go. 1270 00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:18,880 And then maybe go by flowers. 1271 00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,080 Maybe on that night you actually do flowers. 1272 00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,400 So there's a little delay there in the double down, but that's okay. 1273 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,920 You opted through your communication that you were even more excited 1274 00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,600 than what you initially got. 1275 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:33,680 So you're bringing more currency to the table. 1276 00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:37,680 And then you even did more and you went and got flowers. 1277 00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:38,720 Now you double down. 1278 00:49:38,720 --> 00:49:40,320 You'd be shocked at what you get. 1279 00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:41,840 Is there anyone else? 1280 00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:43,120 Is there, you know, there's no one else? 1281 00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:44,240 You never been home-bearing wildly. 1282 00:49:44,240 --> 00:49:46,000 Little nervous. 1283 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:46,800 Okay. 1284 00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:47,440 You know what? 1285 00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:48,720 Never in a million years. 1286 00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:49,600 You're my number one. 1287 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:50,160 Oh my goodness. 1288 00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:51,440 And so you give them more. 1289 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:53,600 Now they're not in niche taking initiative. 1290 00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:54,560 I love, I understand that. 1291 00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:55,440 That's a little different. 1292 00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:56,640 But you're still doubling down. 1293 00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:57,520 You can do that. 1294 00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:59,760 It doesn't always have to be a positive to a double down. 1295 00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:02,080 But you want to double down in general. 1296 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:06,960 But take these positive love currency that you receive 1297 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,440 if the other person took the initiative and double down. 1298 00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:10,560 And vice versa. 1299 00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:12,480 So you don't always want one person being the initiator 1300 00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,320 and you all other person always being a double down. 1301 00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:15,760 You want it to flip flop. 1302 00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:17,440 Doesn't have to be every other just in general. 1303 00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:18,240 It's like flipping a coin. 1304 00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:19,760 You know, you get some heads in a row, you get towels. 1305 00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:21,360 But in the end of the day, it kind of is a get-boat. 1306 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:25,120 You get it give and then you got to give double back. 1307 00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:27,680 And do not drop it. 1308 00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:28,160 Try it. 1309 00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:32,560 It's been incredible in what I've seen when people do it. 1310 00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,000 And then you start doing that. 1311 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:34,960 You start realizing. 1312 00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:38,480 And you start washing away the subliminal messaging. 1313 00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:39,600 You don't need it anymore. 1314 00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,600 Get past it. 1315 00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,240 Elevate yourself beyond as a couple. 1316 00:50:44,240 --> 00:50:49,200 From this, you know, everything is a meaning behind the words 1317 00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,840 that really mean acts that always has an undertone 1318 00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,080 of negativity that drops you down a notch. 1319 00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,800 And replace it with the double down theory 1320 00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,760 that if someone's insecure and they're kind of sad, 1321 00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,440 maybe they're cranky, you know, 1322 00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:05,600 recognized that that is from a place of the day-love you 1323 00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:06,720 and they don't want to lose you. 1324 00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:07,600 So give them more. 1325 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:11,920 And then take the positive that they give you and double down. 1326 00:51:12,720 --> 00:51:15,680 Okay, anything that they're giving you in positive, double down. 1327 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:17,360 Start creating a new relationship. 1328 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:21,840 Be the initiator and then your partner can be the double down. 1329 00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,560 Have them be the initiator and then you double down. 1330 00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,760 You start making that the new language that you speak 1331 00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:29,040 that we up things. 1332 00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:30,240 We go for more. 1333 00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:33,760 Instead of creating a glass ceiling and then next thing, 1334 00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,240 you know, you fade out and you start lowering everything, 1335 00:51:36,240 --> 00:51:37,440 you keep going for more. 1336 00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:42,320 That's how you can get to exponential increases in your relationship. 1337 00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:47,280 And so I really hope that resonates with you, 1338 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:52,400 you know, the concept of subliminal language or language, I'm sorry, 1339 00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:56,960 recognizing that a lot of arguments come from fear 1340 00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:58,720 and they actually love you. 1341 00:51:58,720 --> 00:52:03,200 And really trying to master the subliminal language 1342 00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,280 and changing it into optimism. 1343 00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:09,360 And getting off the games and getting into the world world 1344 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:14,080 when you're upping things and using the double down theory that when you have someone, 1345 00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:19,840 someone needs to initiate and the other needs to take it to the next level higher. 1346 00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:21,680 You're going to see amazing results through that. 1347 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:25,600 Thank you so much for today's episode. 1348 00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,400 You know, I'm super excited to hear the results of how many people have listened 1349 00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:32,480 and just two sessions and now three, I'm shocked. 1350 00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:34,640 I'm shocked at how many people are listening. 1351 00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:36,400 It's been super exciting to me. 1352 00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:37,680 I didn't know. 1353 00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:41,760 I had no idea doing this that it would be that quick to that many. 1354 00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:45,280 We're listening super exciting about it. 1355 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:49,520 Please subscribe on Apple Podcasts for your episodes, 1356 00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,400 which will give you the monthly download. 1357 00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,320 So I highly encourage you to do that again. 1358 00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:59,040 We're a growing space website, www.agroengspace.com. 1359 00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:03,280 You can always call 623-2024-553 again. 1360 00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:06,560 Check us out on Instagram @nobsmarriagecoach. 1361 00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:10,800 Next episode we are going to talk more about getting the marriage of your dreams. 1362 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:18,400 Again, a marriage coach 444, no BS and I will see you on the next episode. 1363 00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:19,920 Have a great rest of your day. 1364 00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:30,000 Thanks for tuning in to Marriage Coach 444, no BS with Frances Peca. 1365 00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:35,360 We hope today's episode has been inspiring to hope you work for achieving your dream life. 1366 00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:39,280 Let change begin now until we talk again. 1367 00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:47,920 Have a wonderful no BS week. 1368 00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,500 (upbeat music) 1369 00:53:50,500 --> 00:53:53,080 (upbeat music) 1370 00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:55,660 (upbeat music) 1371 00:53:55,660 --> 00:53:58,240 (upbeat music) 1372 00:53:58,240 --> 00:54:00,820 (dramatic music) 1373 00:54:00,820 --> 00:54:03,900 (dramatic music)