81 00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:35,460 A growingspace.com 82 00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:37,460 You can always reach out to us 83 00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:39,460 6232024553 84 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:41,460 Learn more about us 85 00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:43,460 Always willing to talk to people 86 00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:45,460 But this is a mission to me 87 00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,460 It's something I know my whole entire life 88 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,460 I wanted to do 89 00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:53,460 And I am blessed to be able to do what I am passionate about 90 00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:57,460 And I'm lucky enough to be sharing it with my soulmate, my wife 91 00:03:57,460 --> 00:03:59,460 Today in the first session 92 00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:01,460 It will be a little different than the norm 93 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:03,460 We're going to talk in the future sessions 94 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,460 About a lot of the principles that I believe 95 00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:07,460 If you want to follow along 96 00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:09,460 As to what I believe will make the marriage of your dreams 97 00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:11,460 And I truly believe that 98 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,460 But I do want to share with you today 99 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:17,460 Just this first session about myself 100 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:19,460 No, I'll talk here and there about myself 101 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,460 But you know, so you know who you're talking to 102 00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:23,460 But today I really want to share 103 00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:25,460 Who I am 104 00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:27,460 And who you're listening to 105 00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:29,460 And why this is so important to me 106 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:31,460 And why I think this is exciting 107 00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:33,460 And really different 108 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:35,460 At least in my mind 109 00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:37,460 It's different and it's not different 110 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:39,460 And I'll explain that later 111 00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:43,460 But you know, I'm going to tell you a little bit about me 112 00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:45,460 And you can kind of take it from there 113 00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:47,460 I grew up in Philadelphia 114 00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,460 Absolutely love Philadelphia 115 00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,460 I've learned so much from Philadelphia 116 00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:53,460 Learn to make me strong 117 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,460 And tough 118 00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:57,460 And resilient 119 00:04:57,460 --> 00:04:59,460 Always want to become stronger 120 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:01,460 And tougher and more resilient 121 00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:03,460 But Philadelphia helped me in so many ways 122 00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:05,460 That are passionate people 123 00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:07,460 Yeah, they're tough 124 00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:09,460 But I think a lot of them are really good 125 00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,460 A tough and a good way 126 00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:13,460 And so I am lucky enough to have started my life 127 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,460 In Philadelphia 128 00:05:15,460 --> 00:05:17,460 I now live in Arizona 129 00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:19,460 With my family 130 00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,460 Very happy here as well as a great place to live 131 00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:23,460 And so I 132 00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,460 I am fortunate enough to live on two sides of the country 133 00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:27,460 And get a flavor for a lot 134 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,460 In my life 135 00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:31,460 I grew up 136 00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:33,460 I'm going to start a little bit about myself 137 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:35,460 I grew up 138 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,460 With two different types of parents 139 00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:39,460 Both great parents in their own way for sure 140 00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:41,460 But very different 141 00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:45,460 And it created a person in me that I don't know 142 00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:47,460 Maybe I don't know how to say it 143 00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:49,460 But I feel a little different than a lot of people 144 00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,460 And that's not saying I'm better, I'm worse 145 00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,460 Just different 146 00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:55,460 And others I'm sure I can get better 147 00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:57,460 But in the end of the day 148 00:05:57,460 --> 00:06:01,460 I'm lucky enough to have learned so much from two opposites 149 00:06:01,460 --> 00:06:05,460 I grew up on my father's side from an Italian family 150 00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,460 And they said every single thing they felt 151 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:09,460 I mean you name it 152 00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:11,460 They're saying it 153 00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:15,460 You never ever would be shy about sharing your feelings 154 00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,460 Never happen 155 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,460 They're going to tell you what they think 156 00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:21,460 It could be as embarrassing as can be 157 00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:22,460 And they look at you like of course 158 00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:24,460 What's the big deal 159 00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,460 Hey, Bob, this is, or dad, this is going on 160 00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,460 Okay, great, I've seen that before 161 00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:30,460 And so it really 162 00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:34,460 It really helped shape me at a young age to just say whatever I felt 163 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,460 That was the mindset 164 00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:40,460 My dad was just like hey, you know, son blah blah blah 165 00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:44,460 You just say that, hey, you're a little paranoid today 166 00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:46,460 Okay, you know why you're like a kid with me 167 00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,460 But everything was just open 168 00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:50,460 Or hey, you know this, that, that 169 00:06:50,460 --> 00:06:54,460 You know it was just always a family of non-stop communication 170 00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:58,460 I mean they don't, they just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk 171 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,460 And luckily for me it was meaningful talk 172 00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:02,460 You know your feelings 173 00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,460 If you're angry, you're angry 174 00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:06,460 I mean you're in high anger 175 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,460 There was no you're angry hold it in, I mean you're angry you say 176 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:12,460 Now I'm not saying, you know do anything inappropriate 177 00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:14,460 Of course you weren't always calm 178 00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:16,460 I mean obviously they, you know 179 00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:18,460 They may have arguments and things of that nature 180 00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,460 But it was an expressive family 181 00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:26,460 And I appreciated it because it enabled me at a young age to articulate my feelings 182 00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:30,460 And dive into them and be curious about them 183 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:32,460 And why is that person doing this? 184 00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:34,460 And why that person do that? 185 00:07:34,460 --> 00:07:36,460 And it's just non-stop 186 00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:42,460 And there was never a shortage of dialogue in my family from my father's side 187 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:46,460 And it was a wonderful man always trying to give, give, and give 188 00:07:46,460 --> 00:07:50,460 Never really cared that much about his own, what he liked 189 00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:52,460 His ob hobbies or interests 190 00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:56,460 He was always thrilled if my mom was happy or if I was happy 191 00:07:56,460 --> 00:08:00,460 And I remember being a kid and you know back when Atari was a big deal 192 00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:02,460 And my dad stayed up to four o'clock in the morning 193 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,460 And the freezing cold to wait for a truck to come in 194 00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:06,460 With boxes to get my Atari tape 195 00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:08,460 And that's just the kind of guy he was 196 00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:10,460 And I'm blessed to have had a father like that 197 00:08:10,460 --> 00:08:12,460 He passed away in the year 2000 198 00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:14,460 And I was like, "I'm not going to be a kid anymore 199 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:18,460 In the year 2000 and when I was 27 years old 200 00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:22,460 And so I feel I feel blessed to have had my father 201 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,460 And give me all of that 202 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:30,460 He also taught me some things that I can say maybe gave me some limits 203 00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:34,460 He was very much you know into the real world 204 00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:38,460 Not that you can't do that in a real world but the real world's tough 205 00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:42,460 You better do this or you know the real world will 206 00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:44,460 And spit you out I learned that 207 00:08:44,460 --> 00:08:48,460 And to one degree it's made me very aware of people 208 00:08:48,460 --> 00:08:52,460 Great people people that aren't so great on be a you know 209 00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:58,460 To really pay attention but I think on some level it probably limited me in my early days certainly not now 210 00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:02,460 But in my early days that hey if you do this you know be careful 211 00:09:02,460 --> 00:09:04,460 So that was a little protective in that nature 212 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:08,460 My mom completely different she's German side 213 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:12,460 And not I mean she was expressive with me without question 214 00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:16,460 But in general a little more reserved 215 00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:20,460 But so kind, so generous, non-stop lessons 216 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,460 Always teaching me lessons about life 217 00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,460 And never would tell me you know don't do drugs 218 00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:27,460 Okay don't do this don't do this 219 00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:30,460 It was always a backstory as to why 220 00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:31,460 Why? Why? 221 00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:34,460 Oh yeah well see those people over there 222 00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:38,460 Oh yeah why? Why? Why are they going to jail? Well you know they got themselves in the drugs 223 00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:40,460 They hung out with the wrong people 224 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:46,460 You know she'd always have a story you know and I'd be a little kid eat my little Cheerios or so and 225 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,460 And she'd always have a little story for me 226 00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:52,460 Hey what happened to them? Well if you hang around the curb too much son you'll get splashed 227 00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:54,460 And say what's that mean mom? 228 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:58,460 And she'd explain that hey if you hang around with the wrong people eventually you know that can 229 00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,460 That can bleed on to you 230 00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:06,460 This was the life I lived but my mom was just nothing but kind, loving, nurturing 231 00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:10,460 And she also taught me to be myself 232 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:15,460 My mom loved the color purple and so she was gonna have her purple rug 233 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:18,460 She was gonna have her house the way she wanted it 234 00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:22,460 Be yourself and I would say a young age because we're all insecure right as we grow up 235 00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:26,460 And when we're learning life and she'd say do what you like don't worry about other people 236 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:32,460 Okay you don't need to worry what other people want or tell you to do you'll never be happy that way in life 237 00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:34,460 You have to go out there and be you 238 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:40,460 And I am blessed to have had her my mom was all about kindness, love 239 00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:44,460 You know be kind to animals, kind to people 240 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:49,460 You know not really an aggressive woman anyway my dad was the tough communicator 241 00:10:49,460 --> 00:10:53,460 And so I learn literally two ways of living life 242 00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:59,460 One is be tough in this world and express everything you feel and be a good person 243 00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:03,460 100% do the right thing but be strong 244 00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:08,460 And don't take any shit from anybody and you know and don't start fights 245 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:11,460 But you certainly don't let yourself get you know taken down 246 00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:15,460 And then my mom's side was much more passive and loving and caring 247 00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:22,460 And so I've been blessed to have two parents that have really shaped me in my life 248 00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:27,460 You know on a downside my father was an alcoholic 249 00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:32,460 And so you know any of the issues I ever had growing up with insecurity 250 00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:37,460 I did allow myself to get bullied at a young age regardless of my dad's philosophy 251 00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:43,460 Because when you're with a when you have a father in a mental health kind and good of a person he was 252 00:11:43,460 --> 00:11:47,460 And is in spirit the reality is he's an alcoholic 253 00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:52,460 And you never know am I dad no matter how great of a person he was if he was drunk on a Saturday night 254 00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:54,460 And that's what he was an out a week in alcohol 255 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:59,460 Like you could expect to get drunk probably three times a month 256 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:02,460 But those three times weren't fun he turned into a different person 257 00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:06,460 That kind wonderful person turned into a mean person 258 00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,460 And caused a lot of damage in the house and it wasn't easy 259 00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:14,460 And so I learned at a very young age to pay attention to people 260 00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:18,460 You know what are they doing what are they saying what do they really mean what are their mannerisms 261 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:24,460 I mean I learned to be extreme in paying attention to the people that I care about 262 00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:27,460 And just everyone pretty much in general 263 00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:31,460 And so it was tough growing up 264 00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:36,460 But I grew up shy I grew up super super super shy 265 00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:41,460 I had I had friends but the friends that I had had to be the important friends 266 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:45,460 I had plenty of friends we played baseball basketball everything outside 267 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:51,460 But it was important to me to have you know one two friends that were the friends the real friends 268 00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:54,460 And the rest of course we'd all go out and play and have a good time 269 00:12:54,460 --> 00:13:00,460 But I was always the type of person that believed in putting more energy into less people 270 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:05,460 And I believe that's one of the principles we'll talk about in our marriage coaching 271 00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:07,460 To what I believe makes a marriage work 272 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:14,460 We like to spread everything out thin anymore as to why you know you need to be well-rounded and balanced all the time 273 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:19,460 Sure balance in many ways is very very important I would 100% agree with that 274 00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:27,460 But if you want something you want to be great you need to put a lot of energy into the things that are important to you 275 00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:33,460 If you have 50 things that are important to you in life I wouldn't expect you to be a superstar at anything 276 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:39,460 But you know you'll be well-rounded that's fine I believe that if you want the dream you have to know what matters 277 00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:44,460 And you have to put your energy into it so I learned that at a very young age or it was better than me 278 00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:53,460 But I was I was I was bullied I was bullied in high school and it was at levels that I don't even I can't it's unbelievable 279 00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:59,460 I mean it was literally every single day of my life in high school every I'll be nice 280 00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:03,460 And that's the best day of my life 281 00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:11,460 I was bullied and I was bullying and I was bullying every day except one of the individuals that always did it 282 00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:16,460 He was sick a lot so maybe 10-15 days a year I didn't get bullied 283 00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:20,460 The other remaining days it was like that for two years 284 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,460 And that was tough on me 285 00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:32,460 I was called to go to school in an extreme level of stress I was raised to be a good person to do the right thing 286 00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:38,460 And I went to a school that was pretty tough a lot of things going on there that I would never even imagine 287 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:44,460 Am I even saying the school wasn't good I just know that I got in with a with a group of people that it was tough 288 00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:48,460 It was tough to to to people at every day 289 00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:58,460 You know they all grew up became good people I mean no reason to believe otherwise but you know at that stage it was a tough going for me 290 00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:07,460 And so you know we're gonna take a quick break and I want to talk a little bit about how I overcame my insecurities as a child 291 00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:12,460 I think many people in this in this country in this world have insecurities 292 00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:17,460 I believe we all have them to this minute no matter how empowered we think we are we all have insecurities 293 00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:19,460 And we don't but we do 294 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,460 And a lot of this stems from when you're young 295 00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:29,460 And I know that the alcoholism didn't certainly help me and I also know that being bullied for two years straight at the level I was bullied was hard 296 00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:37,460 It was difficult and I was lucky enough to figure out a way out and change my life at a relatively young age 297 00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:40,460 I mean high school you're a kid right and say you're not with your kid 298 00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:44,460 And I learned I learned that and I'll talk a little bit about when we get back 299 00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:53,460 As to how I got out of that situation and changed my life and moved into a different realm 300 00:15:53,460 --> 00:16:00,460 And when we get back we'll talk a little bit about that again this is Francis 301 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:04,460 Marriage coach 444 no BS 302 00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:10,460 We work for my wife and I again own a business www.agrowingspace.com 303 00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:12,460 We will be back shortly 304 00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:14,460 Thank you 305 00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:30,460 A little birdie told me voice America is on X 306 00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:34,460 Follow us at Voice America TRN 307 00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:40,460 Tune in to the Voice America Variety Channel on the Voice America Talk Radio Network 308 00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:46,460 Voice America Variety broadcasts a diverse array of topics reaching a global community 309 00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:58,460 Our experts come from all walks of life and the topics they discuss are everything from current events, arts and entertainment, leadership, parenting, relationships, self-improvement, career advice and a variety of other topics 310 00:16:58,460 --> 00:17:07,460 Check us out today, you're sure to find something of interest, Voice America Variety talk on today's hot topics 311 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:11,460 These days everyone is looking for information on staying young, healthy and fit 312 00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:16,460 The Voice America Health and Wellness Network is here to help you on your quest to better health and a better you 313 00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:23,460 We talk about everything from diet, fitness and aging to substance abuse, personal growth, mental health and much more 314 00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:27,460 Learn from our experts who cover health and wellness from traditional and holistic perspectives 315 00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:32,460 To it end of the Voice America Health and Wellness Network, Healthy Living starts here 316 00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:46,460 Welcome back to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with Frances Paika 317 00:17:46,460 --> 00:17:50,460 We hope you are enjoying and learning from today's dynamic episode 318 00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:53,460 Now back to the show with Frances 319 00:17:53,460 --> 00:18:08,460 We're back with Marriage Coach 444 with Frances Paika, No BS and want to continue a little bit about myself and why I believe marriage coaching can really change your life 320 00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:12,460 I really believe it can change your marriage, I believe it can change your life 321 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:21,460 If you have a wonderful marriage and you're connected, it will bleed onto your family, your kids, your self-esteem, your spouse's self-esteem 322 00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:29,460 I think you can go for your dreams, you can feel connected, you can have the life you want 323 00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:37,460 But it's going to take being tough, being strong, understanding that the world is not all perfect, but understanding that good and kindness wins 324 00:18:37,460 --> 00:18:39,460 But you have to be strong in the delivery 325 00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:43,460 And that's some of the things that we're going to talk about as we progress throughout our episodes 326 00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:48,460 But I was talking a little bit about my high school experience 327 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:54,460 And before I even go there and I'll go there in a minute, I want to talk a little bit about when I was in second grade 328 00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:56,460 And I kind of learned a little bit about life 329 00:18:56,460 --> 00:19:01,460 You know, I grew up in a life where my mom kind of made it out that everybody was sweet and wonderful 330 00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:06,460 And I learned pretty young that, listen, there's wonderful people in this world 331 00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:09,460 And I mean, I mean wonderful people in this world 332 00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:12,460 But you know what? Tell people all the time 333 00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:19,460 I mean, if you're going to be a wonderful, special person, you know, key word special, special is not the norm, right? 334 00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:21,460 That's why you're called special 335 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:24,460 So there's a lot of wonderful people, but there's also people that aren't so wonderful 336 00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:26,460 And that's okay, that's the way it goes 337 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:28,460 If you want to be special, then you can be proud, right? 338 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:35,460 If everybody was special, or everybody was perfect, I mean, I guess that'd be great, but it does take work 339 00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:38,460 And if you're willing to put the work in, you can get to that place 340 00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:42,460 But I learned at a young age when I was in second grade, I never forget 341 00:19:42,460 --> 00:19:47,460 I dropped off at school by the bus, in the bus, the old, took her bus to school 342 00:19:47,460 --> 00:19:52,460 And I saw a whole bunch of group of my friends and they're all hovered in a circle on the ground 343 00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:55,460 by the little, little annex they had 344 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:58,460 We had this building and then the second grade had it our own little building 345 00:19:58,460 --> 00:20:01,460 I don't know why I guess they needed this second building for the second grade 346 00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:04,460 But anyway, I was sitting there and you, and before you go into school 347 00:20:04,460 --> 00:20:08,460 you have your little playtime before you go, and I remember there was a bunch of people all in a circle 348 00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:10,460 And I came in there, hey, what's going on? 349 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,460 And they had this big worm and a sticks 350 00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:17,460 And they're sitting there with this worm, and I'm watching people 351 00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:19,460 And I'm literally at the stage, because again, I'm not kidding you 352 00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:20,460 I know you think they make this stuff up 353 00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:22,460 Like, my whole life, that's all I do 354 00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:24,460 I pay attention to people at a very young age 355 00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:25,460 And it's stem from my father 356 00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:28,460 And I'm just always paying attention, why did they do what they do? 357 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:31,460 What's this, this is what I, I don't know, it's just the way my brain works 358 00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:35,460 And I'm watching these kids, they're always nice kids friends 359 00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:39,460 And they're just slowly killing this worm 360 00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:41,460 And they wouldn't kill it, just stab on it or kill it 361 00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:45,460 It was a slow, let's take this piece of his leg off 362 00:20:45,460 --> 00:20:49,460 Let's do this, and all of them look like they are all hitting the lottery 363 00:20:49,460 --> 00:20:52,460 They literally look like they were hitting the lottery 364 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,460 Like, "Oh, what if we do this? What if we take this part of them off? What if we do this?" 365 00:20:55,460 --> 00:21:00,460 Cut this, and I was just like, "And I didn't have the leadership and strength that I would ever have now 366 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:04,460 I would ever have now anything in life to be able to speak up on any behalf 367 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:08,460 You know, now you look at life and if you see someone getting hurt 368 00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:12,460 You know, a woman, anyone or any injustice in this world, you speak up 369 00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:16,460 You need to be the grown up, the leader, right? But I was a kid, I didn't know any better 370 00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:19,460 You know, I didn't want to do any, I was too scared, I just, no way 371 00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:23,460 So I'm just watching it, and I remember thinking, "I'm the only kid here 372 00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,460 That feels sick" 373 00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:29,460 Like, I don't understand the concept of just slaughtered his worm in little pieces 374 00:21:29,460 --> 00:21:30,460 Little by little 375 00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:33,460 And then of course everyone went to school and I forgot about it 376 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,460 I mean, I was going to sit there and remember it all day, forever and move on 377 00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:41,460 And you know, you're looking for recess, right? And you're in class, but it stuck with me though 378 00:21:41,460 --> 00:21:46,460 And I thought, "Well, you know, a lot of people in this world aren't always going to be doing the right things 379 00:21:46,460 --> 00:21:48,460 And that's part of the deal 380 00:21:48,460 --> 00:21:55,460 You know, I've been lucky enough that plenty of good many, many special people in my life 381 00:21:55,460 --> 00:22:02,460 But at the same time, many aren't, and I learned at a young age that, you know, some people it's not going to be so simple 382 00:22:02,460 --> 00:22:08,460 And so when I got to high school, I came in, I even, I paid attention to everyone and I knew this 383 00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:14,460 But I was, I was shy, I was innocent, I was sweet, and I got slaughtered 384 00:22:14,460 --> 00:22:18,460 And every single day, it was just the same thing every day 385 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:23,460 30 people, boom, 30 people, boom, 30 people, boom, another day 386 00:22:23,460 --> 00:22:29,460 And it finally got to the point where, you know, I was a skinny kid, I didn't live weights, I was skinny as a kid 387 00:22:29,460 --> 00:22:34,460 You know, the football team, I can't imagine a size of them compared to me, a little stickman that I was 388 00:22:34,460 --> 00:22:38,460 And I remember they set it up that I was going to fight another kid 389 00:22:38,460 --> 00:22:43,460 And they said, "You know, we want to know who the weakest kid in the school is, that's humiliating, right?" 390 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:52,460 And so I was so nervous, and so, you know, the chicken that I was, I went up to them and I said, "You know, this is stupid that they're trying to do this 391 00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:57,460 You know, we shouldn't even have to fight because I don't want to fight the kid because I, I think I was just afraid I was going to lose 392 00:22:57,460 --> 00:23:01,460 I don't want to be the weakest kid in the, in the, in the school 393 00:23:01,460 --> 00:23:04,460 And so he's like, "No, we're, we're going to fucking fight" 394 00:23:04,460 --> 00:23:07,460 And I said, "Okay" 395 00:23:07,460 --> 00:23:11,460 So it got to the end of the day and that was when it was all set up 396 00:23:11,460 --> 00:23:15,460 And here we are 397 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:19,460 And he just, everyone's looking, I mean, I'm massive people looking in the hallway 398 00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:22,460 And he starts unloading on me 399 00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:25,460 And I did use to play sports as a kid, plenty, plenty of sports 400 00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:28,460 I was strong, but I did play sports 401 00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:31,460 And I beat him 402 00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:33,460 But I didn't even know I beat him 403 00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:36,460 I just, I beat him now thinking back, but at the moment I just was swinging 404 00:23:36,460 --> 00:23:39,460 I don't know, just swing, swing, swing, swing, swing 405 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:42,460 I went home and like a coward 406 00:23:42,460 --> 00:23:46,460 But that's okay, I was young, I said, "Mom, you know, I've had it this week, this is just brutal this week 407 00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:49,460 I don't want to take a day off, I'll be back Monday, but she said, "That's all right" 408 00:23:49,460 --> 00:23:51,460 And I shouldn't have done that, and I would never do that now 409 00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:53,460 But I was young and so I came in on Monday 410 00:23:53,460 --> 00:23:56,460 And then they were all, the whole thing was about how I won 411 00:23:56,460 --> 00:23:59,460 And how I kicked this kid's ass 412 00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:03,460 And I was like, "Oh, I guess I won 413 00:24:03,460 --> 00:24:05,460 But it didn't matter, you know why? 414 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:08,460 Because even in the end of the day that I felt better that I won 415 00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:12,460 It still continued, continued and continued and continued 416 00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:20,460 So, to kind of go on to this story, I'm gonna tell you about how I learned the first major lesson in life 417 00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:23,460 Which is you gotta be strong 418 00:24:23,460 --> 00:24:27,460 And you can't let people bully you, and you have to stand for what's right 419 00:24:27,460 --> 00:24:28,460 And you have to be a leader 420 00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:30,460 I didn't have it in me, I had it in, that's not true 421 00:24:30,460 --> 00:24:33,460 I had it in me, Rocky was always my favorite movie 422 00:24:33,460 --> 00:24:37,460 At four, at five years old, Rocky was the movie of my dreams 423 00:24:37,460 --> 00:24:39,460 I mean, literally 424 00:24:39,460 --> 00:24:46,460 In 1976 I came out, watched it in the movies, and I mean it is resonated with me for my entire life 425 00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:49,460 And I watched that movie as a kid, little kid 426 00:24:49,460 --> 00:24:52,460 And cried, I watch it now, 51 years old, I still cried 427 00:24:52,460 --> 00:24:55,460 So, I had leadership in me, I loved the whole toughness 428 00:24:55,460 --> 00:25:01,460 And the way Mickey was fighting, pushing Rocky to be the man that he could be 429 00:25:01,460 --> 00:25:04,460 It was always, like, it always resonated with me 430 00:25:04,460 --> 00:25:07,460 I thought it was the greatest thing in the world still, I think, is the greatest movie on planet Earth 431 00:25:07,460 --> 00:25:10,460 And I mean that, you might say, "Ah, he's from Philly, of course he thinks that" 432 00:25:10,460 --> 00:25:13,460 That's a deep movie, there's so much involved in that movie 433 00:25:13,460 --> 00:25:16,460 It's just, it's, to me, brilliant 434 00:25:16,460 --> 00:25:19,460 And it's way more than, than people, than some people may, may see 435 00:25:19,460 --> 00:25:25,460 But it was in me, it was in me, the leadership skills in my soul, in my heart 436 00:25:25,460 --> 00:25:28,460 But I didn't have the confidence and belief to do anything 437 00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:31,460 So I got bullied and bullied and bullied 438 00:25:31,460 --> 00:25:36,460 Until one day, I went to my friend's house and we loved basketball 439 00:25:36,460 --> 00:25:40,460 So we were watching basketball games and I met my buddy's house in high school 440 00:25:40,460 --> 00:25:48,460 And, and I don't know what it was to go downstairs but he basically said, you know, I grab a soda or something like that 441 00:25:48,460 --> 00:25:52,460 So I went downstairs to go grab the soda or water 442 00:25:52,460 --> 00:25:55,460 I don't know what it was, just grab some snack or something 443 00:25:55,460 --> 00:25:57,460 And he was upstairs watching the game 444 00:25:57,460 --> 00:26:00,460 And I saw his weight bench 445 00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:05,460 And I viewed myself as wheat but I was like, "I wonder what I'm, what could I do?" 446 00:26:05,460 --> 00:26:16,460 So he had 60, I believe it was 67 pounds to bench press on that on the bench 447 00:26:16,460 --> 00:26:24,460 And I got under the bench and I got it up and I put it on my chest and it didn't move 448 00:26:24,460 --> 00:26:27,460 67 pounds, did not move 449 00:26:27,460 --> 00:26:31,460 And so I push it up and it's just stuck on my chest 450 00:26:31,460 --> 00:26:37,460 And then I get that feeling, you know that feeling when you're on a roller coaster like, "Oh shit, like this isn't good 451 00:26:37,460 --> 00:26:39,460 I don't want to be screaming here to help me either" 452 00:26:39,460 --> 00:26:46,460 So I wiggled it off my chest, little by little, inch by little, was able to get it onto my stomach 453 00:26:46,460 --> 00:26:51,460 Which, you know, your stomach's not as tight as your chest cavity and then I was like, "I'm going to basically rip my stomach in hand" 454 00:26:51,460 --> 00:26:54,460 Got it all, somehow got it all there, got it to my hips 455 00:26:54,460 --> 00:26:56,460 And I don't know how but I got it off me 456 00:26:56,460 --> 00:27:00,460 I don't know how but I just somehow was able to get this weight off of me 457 00:27:00,460 --> 00:27:09,460 And then I was somehow able to just get the weight back on the holder 458 00:27:09,460 --> 00:27:13,460 And I ran back up and I don't know, he didn't even think anything of it, you know 459 00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:16,460 I don't know, why am I down there for five minutes, I don't know, it doesn't matter, kids don't care 460 00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:25,460 So you go out and watch the game and I came home and I said to myself, "I am officially weak, like I'm weak" 461 00:27:25,460 --> 00:27:28,460 Like, that's it, like, let's document this 462 00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:33,460 Because the first time I was like that on my self-critical, because in the past, you know, I'm used to my mom and you know 463 00:27:33,460 --> 00:27:39,460 She was a wonderful, wonderful mother, but you know, you could do anything wrong and get 100 valent grades and, "Oh, it's okay" 464 00:27:39,460 --> 00:27:43,460 She meant, well, wonderful soul, but you know, she didn't, wasn't tough 465 00:27:43,460 --> 00:27:50,460 And so, my dad was tough but he let my mom kind of run the show and so I learned the principles from that perspective 466 00:27:50,460 --> 00:27:55,460 But this was the first time I said, "I'm weak, I'm officially weak" 467 00:27:55,460 --> 00:28:02,460 And so I told my dad and he went to a flea market because I didn't grow up with a lot of money and my dad bought a weight bench for me 468 00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:11,460 And he put in the basement and speaking of Rocky, I would play Rocky in the whole nine yards and I, I made a pact on myself 469 00:28:11,460 --> 00:28:17,460 I said, "I am going to lift, I started at 57 pounds, so I wasn't too far off, I guess that's why I was able to get it off my hips" 470 00:28:17,460 --> 00:28:26,460 Because he had 67 pounds and I was able to do three sets at 10, at 57 pounds, so I mean, I guess I was close but certainly wasn't able to do it in that moment 471 00:28:26,460 --> 00:28:33,460 At 67 pounds and I said, "I am going to lift three, I was going to do all different sorts of workouts and dumbbells and everything like that" 472 00:28:33,460 --> 00:28:45,460 But regarding the bench press, I am going to lift 57 pounds, three sets at 10, every other day and when I do it five times, which would be 10 days 473 00:28:45,460 --> 00:29:01,460 I am going to move up five pounds, so three sets at 10 and then along with all my other workouts, two days later, do it again, two days later, do it again, again, again after five times, then two days later we go up five pounds 474 00:29:01,460 --> 00:29:06,460 So we go from 57 to 62 and I'm just going to do this and not stop 475 00:29:06,460 --> 00:29:10,460 I'm just going to keep doing it, stick man that I was, this is going to keep doing it 476 00:29:10,460 --> 00:29:33,460 And I did it and I got to 62 and then 67, then 72, then 77, then 82, and I'm somewhere along that line, I don't know, maybe 77, 82, I thought to myself, "It's working, I'm still getting bullied, I'm still skinny" 477 00:29:33,460 --> 00:29:45,460 I'm still not really that strong, but I'm making progress and I'm not stopping, like I'm not stopping, like I'm not stopping, like I don't have an option to stop 478 00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:48,460 Because I will never change my life if I don't stop 479 00:29:48,460 --> 00:29:54,460 And I literally thought this, and I was like, this is that monumental change, like I don't have a choice 480 00:29:54,460 --> 00:30:09,460 I do not have a choice, so I just kept going 82, 87, 92, 97, 102, I can't believe it, I can lift 100 pounds, 107, and I just kept going, kept going, kept going 481 00:30:09,460 --> 00:30:16,460 Anyway, high school finished, the school went co-ed for the last two years, didn't get picked on in high school for the last two years 482 00:30:16,460 --> 00:30:26,460 The first two, second once the girls, women came in girls, whatever, didn't matter, like they all tried to act like, you know, there's different deal 483 00:30:26,460 --> 00:30:31,460 Either they grew up and became better people, or they didn't want to look like a fool in front of the girls, I don't know 484 00:30:31,460 --> 00:30:36,460 But in the end of the day, I just kept lifting, kept lifting, kept lifting, kept lifting, kept lifting, kept lifting 485 00:30:36,460 --> 00:30:45,460 And years went by, went through college, did fantastic college, got myself a great corporate job, very proud of myself 486 00:30:45,460 --> 00:30:53,460 Got my confidence going, you know, things were working, you know, was able to date everything, like my life was different as the years went on 487 00:30:53,460 --> 00:31:04,460 And I kept with the lifting, and I was able to bench press, and you know, this is not trying to say this is anything super special, but I was able to bench press one time just close to 300 pounds 488 00:31:04,460 --> 00:31:11,460 But that's, you know, you might think that's, well, that's not that much, it's pretty damn good when you could lift 57 pounds 489 00:31:11,460 --> 00:31:18,460 You know, maybe a one-timer, maybe I could have done 62 to go to close to 300, so life changed 490 00:31:18,460 --> 00:31:33,460 And I, I'll never forget, I went to a bar, and I remember I went with a few of my friends, and I was just meeting a new girl that wasn't my girlfriend just yet, and I was all excited, but she wasn't there that day, I don't know, she did something to go to 491 00:31:33,460 --> 00:31:46,460 So I said, "Oh, yeah, I'll go out for an hour or two, and just talk." And one of the people, one of the kids there, obviously, are grown up now, was the, that used to bully me, was there 492 00:31:46,460 --> 00:31:59,460 And I looked at him, and he looked at me, and he was in shock, because I didn't look the same, and he said, "Holy shit, you, you lifting weights? Where have you been? What are you doing in life?" 493 00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:09,460 And so I told him, "You know, I have a good job, I graduated from Penn State University, it's a wonderful, wonderful experience, I work for here, I do this." 494 00:32:09,460 --> 00:32:24,460 And he said, "Holy, how are you like, big, I don't think it was that big, but you know, compared to, I guess, in his mind, when I looked like, I could just see the whole time, like, I cannot believe I'm talking to you, like I could tell the face, because I read people, and I knew it. 495 00:32:24,460 --> 00:32:37,460 And you know, instead of being a jerk and angry and jaded, and you know, "Holy, look at me now, no way, no way, no way, I was nice, I was polite, I was cool, shook his hand, smiled, laughed, normal, hey, great to see you, went back to my friends." 496 00:32:37,460 --> 00:32:44,460 Very simple, if anyone else saw it, you know, it's pretty boring, this is a normal exchange, you know, you haven't seen him in a while. 497 00:32:44,460 --> 00:33:04,460 But it was a monumental moment for me, the monumental moment for me. It said, "If you put the work in, if you make a determination, you're going to get something done, and you bust your ass, and you just keep doing it, and you fail, and get back up, and fail, and get back up, and just keep going, that you will get your day of validation, you'll get what you want." 498 00:33:04,460 --> 00:33:11,460 And that told me that day that I will never be bullied again, that I cannot allow myself to be bullied. 499 00:33:11,460 --> 00:33:26,460 You know, everyone might for a minute or something here or there, you know, but I mean, you know, my general premise that you have to stand for what you believe in, be the best person you can be, be kind, don't be rude to people, but certainly stand for strength and goodness. 500 00:33:26,460 --> 00:33:40,460 And I learned it, that day was the day that I learned that there's a formula, and it might be a formula that many people know, but it's the formula that I know for me, and when other people install it in their lives, makes all the change. 501 00:33:40,460 --> 00:33:45,460 Along with many other principles, but that's one that I learned in my life. 502 00:33:45,460 --> 00:33:52,460 Again, we're going to take another break, I'm just going to finish up with myself, and I'll talk about maybe our first principle today. 503 00:33:52,460 --> 00:33:58,460 I am Frances Peca, Marriage Coach 444, no BS. 504 00:33:58,460 --> 00:34:07,460 Again, we're for a growing space, my wife and I own a company, www.agrowingspace.com. We'll be back shortly. Thank you. 505 00:34:07,460 --> 00:34:19,460 [Music] 506 00:34:19,460 --> 00:34:24,460 What a seaward voice America is up to behind the scenes. 507 00:34:24,460 --> 00:34:27,460 [Music] 508 00:34:27,460 --> 00:34:31,460 Follow us on TikTok at Voice America Talk Radio. 509 00:34:31,460 --> 00:34:42,460 Tune in to the Voice America Variety Channel on the Voice America Talk Radio Network. Voice America Variety broadcasts a diverse array of topics reaching a global community. 510 00:34:42,460 --> 00:34:56,460 Our experts come from all walks of life and the topics they discuss are everything from current events, arts and entertainment, leadership, parenting, relationships, self-improvement, career advice, and a variety of other topics. 511 00:34:56,460 --> 00:35:05,460 Check us out today, you're sure to find something of interest. Voice America Variety Talk on today's hot topics. 512 00:35:05,460 --> 00:35:10,460 These days, everyone is looking for information on staying young, healthy, and fit. 513 00:35:10,460 --> 00:35:16,460 The Voice America Health and Wellness Network is here to help you on your quest to better health and a better you. 514 00:35:16,460 --> 00:35:28,460 We talk about everything from diet, fitness, and aging to substance abuse, personal growth, mental health, and much more. Learn from our experts who cover health and wellness from traditional and holistic perspectives. 515 00:35:28,460 --> 00:35:34,460 Tune in to the Voice America Health and Wellness Network. Healthy Living starts here. 516 00:35:34,460 --> 00:35:43,460 [Music] 517 00:35:43,460 --> 00:35:55,460 Welcome back to Marriage Coach 444-NOBS with Francis Pake. We hope you are enjoying and learning from today's dynamic episode. Now back to the show with Francis. 518 00:35:55,460 --> 00:36:10,460 Hi, we're back with Marriage Coach 444-NOBS with Francis Pake. That's myself. I appreciate today's first session for episode and really excited about teaching principles that I've learned in my life, that I believe will change your life. 519 00:36:10,460 --> 00:36:17,460 I really believe that, but of course, again, what works for one doesn't always work for another, but I believe really in what I do. 520 00:36:17,460 --> 00:36:29,460 I feel it's special. I feel that I am lucky and privileged to be able to help people. It matters to me, and I'm not just saying that. 521 00:36:29,460 --> 00:36:38,460 When I talk about my life, obviously there's emotions that I feel as I talk through it, and at times think, "Well, you sound tough or angry." I'm not. 522 00:36:38,460 --> 00:36:49,460 No, I think that it's important to be strong, it's important to be tough. I think it's important in life, but I will assure you as we talk through a lot of things, a lot of the items that we'll talk about. 523 00:36:49,460 --> 00:37:06,460 It completely can switch to a soft side, a side of where I may have tears in the session. That's okay. I believe that emotions matter, and I believe that you have to feel, and you have to remember your life, and dig into your life. 524 00:37:06,460 --> 00:37:13,460 And what is, you know, you don't know your life. You've got to know who you are, right? How can you know where you're going if you don't know where you came from? 525 00:37:13,460 --> 00:37:25,460 So to me, when I say this story, I mean, I'm not, I'm talking into a microphone, but I'm just living it. I'm feeling it. I'm experiencing this again as I talk through this, almost as if I'm just thinking it. 526 00:37:25,460 --> 00:37:34,460 And so, you know, it's really impactful to me to know where I came from, and I encourage everyone to do the same. 527 00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:46,460 You know, where did you come from? What were the pains that you've experienced? You know, you think people don't want to hear it. Nobody wants to know, it's not their problem. You know, that whole world, I think, is bullshit. 528 00:37:46,460 --> 00:37:55,460 I don't think that that's true. I think that, you know, what there are people that do want to hear it, and there's people that don't. Of course, there's people that don't, but I would encourage you to think about things in your life. 529 00:37:55,460 --> 00:38:09,460 Obviously, if you can, it's going to traumatize you, then that's a different story. And so I don't want to get into that lane, but I will tell you that I believe that in my own opinion, if you're equipped to do so knowing your life, I think matters to the people that can handle that. 530 00:38:09,460 --> 00:38:23,460 I know it certainly works for me to be able to know what my life entails, and why I got to where I am, and why I am the human being that I am today, and why it all matters, whether it be mistakes or successes. 531 00:38:23,460 --> 00:38:43,460 So, you know, that, that, oh, weightlifting story was a big deal for me. You know, one thing I want to talk about today a little bit more, and I'll finish up on me and kind of talk about the first principle, but I want to just move on to how I have moved from Philadelphia to Arizona. 532 00:38:43,460 --> 00:39:02,460 And I always wanted to live in a warm weather city. It's embedded in me. I loved Philadelphia. I learned so much from that city. So I can't even imagine if I didn't have that opportunity in my life, but I always wanted to live in a warm weather city. 533 00:39:02,460 --> 00:39:13,460 And I want to talk about another thing that really changed me to learn another principle, and that's the principle of absolute, I call it. 534 00:39:13,460 --> 00:39:29,460 So I, when September 11th happened in our country, 2001, it was devastating. And I remember it, and I worked in Philadelphia, and the whole world was shocked and horrified. 535 00:39:29,460 --> 00:39:44,460 And then in November, one of our friends that had moved to San Diego was talking about how wonderful San Diego is and how amazing it is and Philadelphia is cold, and it's great. 536 00:39:44,460 --> 00:39:55,460 But wow, if you saw San Diego, you'd love it. And so, you know, at that time, nobody was flying. Well, I don't say no one was flying, but you know, the people were obviously apprehension to fly. 537 00:39:55,460 --> 00:40:11,460 And a friend of mine, one of my friends said, yeah, we're all going to go visit our buddy. And I was like, I could go. I guess, let me, what's the price? And it was $179. I remember round trip to go from Philadelphia to San Diego. So sure, I'll go. 538 00:40:11,460 --> 00:40:27,460 I had a good job, good career, did well, and it was doing well in my life. And so I, I said, well, go. So I went to San Diego, and we had the best time. It was just like, you got me kidding me. 539 00:40:27,460 --> 00:40:37,460 A bunch of Philly guys moving, not moving, but going to San Diego and hanging out, going out, it was like, wow, this is like living the dream. 540 00:40:37,460 --> 00:40:43,460 Oh, we're going to go check out the beach. You're going to go out to this place. It was just, it was, it was pretty cool. 541 00:40:43,460 --> 00:40:56,460 And I remember thinking, wow, there's another world out there. I mean, I've been to warm other places, but not at that stage where I was with my friends. And just like, I just was, I was in awe. 542 00:40:56,460 --> 00:41:06,460 And I remember thinking, I can't believe how beautiful this place is. And I need to go to a warm weather city period. And maybe San Diego, but if not San Diego, somewhere, somewhere beautiful warm. 543 00:41:06,460 --> 00:41:17,460 And so I came back from the trip. And I remember, and I was always proud of stereo. I love music. And I remember having my music on and I got out of the airport driving home and it was freezing cold and, and, pretty dreary. 544 00:41:17,460 --> 00:41:27,460 And I remember thinking, wow, like, I want this. Like, I want to move to a warm weather city. So this is the end of 2001, November. And I, and I said, I made a pact. 545 00:41:27,460 --> 00:41:34,460 Like, someday I'm moving to a warm weather city. And let's get, let's, let's, let's, let's do this at some point here. And I was all open to it. 546 00:41:34,460 --> 00:41:46,460 And I was all open to it. And so, you know, you would have had hunters call and always given you opportunities in your corporate career. And as you're moving up and, hey, there's opportunities in this city. That city. 547 00:41:46,460 --> 00:41:53,460 And so sometimes it would come up, California, or somewhere warm. And so I'd be all excited and inquisitive. Oh, what about this? What about that? 548 00:41:53,460 --> 00:42:01,460 But you know what the truth of the matter is? I didn't have the guts to do it. I didn't have the guts to do it. So I wouldn't, I would be inquisitive about it. 549 00:42:01,460 --> 00:42:07,460 Wow. And I ask all these questions as if, yeah, let's put that on the shelf. Maybe that'll be a good opportunity at some point. 550 00:42:07,460 --> 00:42:20,460 So I always talk about how I'm going to move. But every time an opportunity with kind of show up, not a full opportunity, but maybe something I can play with, figure out, you know, dig in a little more. I never did it. 551 00:42:20,460 --> 00:42:31,460 So it's like, yeah, you know, in 2005, or no, I'm sorry, 2002 now 2002. Hey, you know, I might move warm weather city. No, never happened. 552 00:42:31,460 --> 00:42:44,460 Opportunities optimistic. Yep, someday I'm going to move to warm weather city didn't have. 2003. I'm going to move to warm weather city at some point. Yeah, absolutely. 553 00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:52,460 How, what about that company? What about this? What about this? Yeah, definitely. Absolutely. But in back of my mind, it's like, nah, you're not doing it. 554 00:42:52,460 --> 00:42:59,460 But you know, yeah, sure, let's say we're going to do it. Let's pretend we're going to do it. Let's, let's feel it like, hey, but let's not actually do it. 555 00:42:59,460 --> 00:43:07,460 They don't tell yourself that, but that's what's really going on. Because you didn't, you didn't make it happen. Now 2004 comps, same thing. 556 00:43:07,460 --> 00:43:19,460 Yep, absolutely. No. Then I got to 2005. And I got to the point where I'm like, I want this. And this is, I don't never happen. 557 00:43:19,460 --> 00:43:29,460 Which is, it's going to be the whole thing about going for your dream and never doing it, but talking about it, pretending it's real, but it's not real. 558 00:43:29,460 --> 00:43:39,460 And so I, I'm going to do something a little different this time, something I've never done, literally never done. I've never done this. Not like this. 559 00:43:39,460 --> 00:43:54,460 I said to everyone in the office, I am going to move to a warm weather city in 2005, period. 560 00:43:54,460 --> 00:44:04,460 Just so everyone knows, I will not be here in the end of 2000. I am going to move to a warm weather city in 2005. Now this was around, I want to say, I don't know. 561 00:44:04,460 --> 00:44:14,460 I don't know if it was mayor June, but it's right in that realm, probably around June, because I flew down in June. And I talked to a guy there, and he saw it's great. And they had an opportunity in Arizona. 562 00:44:14,460 --> 00:44:25,460 He says, but there's no jobs right now. There's no jobs. But there's going to be shortly. And I sit, but I can't interview and pay for it, I interview because there's no job. And I said, well, what if I pay for it? 563 00:44:25,460 --> 00:44:35,460 And so I'll come down and I went down and met him and he's like, you're great. He's like, oh, hi, you know, instantly. And there's going to be jobs. So just hold tight. We'll get you out here. And I said, OK. 564 00:44:35,460 --> 00:44:51,460 So I told everyone, I'm moving. I'm moving. I'm moving. I'm moving. If this job don't happen, I'm moving. And people would question me, because that's what I believe a lot of times when you say you're going for your dreams and you're doing something and you're just doing it, period. And there's no stop. And I'm going. 565 00:44:51,460 --> 00:45:04,460 People, even people that care for you. And one, what's best for you? I believe there's a fear. Like, well, if you're going for your dreams, I'm not. So it's a little easier if you don't too, you know, a little bit of company. Even other not bad people. 566 00:45:04,460 --> 00:45:13,460 Oh, what if you don't really get the right job? But what if they don't pay you what you thought? What if this? Well, what if you don't have a job? What if you just would nonstop? Always the what ifs? Why can'ts? 567 00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:23,460 What if this happens? Maybe you can't. Maybe it's not right. How do you know? Maybe you should wait everything. Every I don't think you're really going to go. I got that one. I don't think you're going to do it. 568 00:45:23,460 --> 00:45:37,460 I mean, everything to put doubt on my mind. And again, they meant well, but. And I would come in like a robot. And say I will be moving to a warm weather city in 2005 period. There are. I don't have a choice. Of course you have a choice. I don't have a choice. 569 00:45:37,460 --> 00:45:51,460 I need this. I'm doing it. It's happening. So as the summer went on, I kept calling this guy and I said, you know, okay is the opportunity there? Not yet, not yet, but it's coming. Okay. We're in July. 570 00:45:51,460 --> 00:46:03,460 We interviewed everything went great. Okay, July late July because I'm not stopping. What about this? This opera is absolutely just not yet. Get the August. Absolutely not yet. I'm running out of time. I made it clear. I'm going to move in 2000. 571 00:46:03,460 --> 00:46:15,460 And five. So I can't just hold on to this. So then I found another opportunity out there. And they told me that you can't go for this job. That's for human resources. You cannot go for this job. You're not qualified. 572 00:46:15,460 --> 00:46:27,460 And I said, I'm qualified. It makes no sense. I said, you can't. You can't be interviewing in that's the end of it. So I called the manager. I went around and the manager said, you can interview for your qualified. Now they're talking about. 573 00:46:27,460 --> 00:46:42,460 I said, okay, so then just tell them I said, call me. You can have an interview. So I got the interview. Then I prepared for the interview endlessly. Then I had the phone interviews. Okay. Then I had the in person interviews. 574 00:46:42,460 --> 00:47:10,460 And I moved out the day before New Year's Eve. And I learned another lesson. You have to think and act in absolute terms. Absolute terms. You have to go after it and make it happen. And you have to announce it, believe it, and go get it. And that works the same way with marriage. 575 00:47:10,460 --> 00:47:39,460 So I just wanted to share with you today on the first session when you're listening in future episodes, who I am as a human being, what I believe in. And the principles that I teach, whether I'm, you know, I don't want to be overly abrasive, but if I'm a little strong, that's why it's no BS or all of a sudden I'm a little sensitive and something, you know, little fragile or meaningful to me. And maybe I water up. 576 00:47:39,460 --> 00:48:07,460 We're here to win. And I have learned throughout my whole life by paying attention to all the decisions I've made and the outcomes good and bad. And I've done this with every single person. That's just what I do. I can't, I can't do directions. I'm not great with a lot of technical things. If you told me to, you know, help with, you know, someone's kid to put, you know, together, I don't know, a plastic horse or something. 577 00:48:07,460 --> 00:48:33,460 And the head would be on the ass. And I don't, and I'm not kidding. Like the head would be on the ass. I cannot, I'm not built that way. But what I'm built is to pay attention to life, mannerisms, what they're really saying, why they're doing what they're doing, what were the outcomes, what were the probabilities. That's all I've just, that's just the way my brain works. And so I feel that as we move on, I'm going to talk about principles, principles that I believe will change your life. 578 00:48:33,460 --> 00:48:47,460 And we're going to do that in future sessions, but I know we're running low on time. So I'm going to get to the first one just to give you, you know, kind of an introduction as to what I believe. I believe in old school principles. I believe that the old school principles work. 579 00:48:47,460 --> 00:48:55,460 And I believe that if you put them into today's society and today's world, you can make it happen. 580 00:48:55,460 --> 00:49:08,460 And the first thing I'm going to mention, and we'll talk much more about this in the future is principle number one. And I'm not always going to number them. They're just going to be principles or ideas or concepts that we're going to implement. And we're going to change our life. 581 00:49:08,460 --> 00:49:24,460 But the first thing I want you to know is you have to give a shit. And I mean that honestly, kindly, I'm not trying to, you know, overboard here, you have to care. You have to care. You got to care. 582 00:49:24,460 --> 00:49:38,460 We're living in a world where people don't care. Well, you know what? You know, it doesn't really matter. Nothing matters, right? And I'm not, again, this isn't everybody. I don't want to put a blanket on everyone. There's all kinds of people who live in this world has nine, was it nine billion people? 583 00:49:38,460 --> 00:49:50,460 But you got to care. If you want the marriage of your dreams, you got to care. I don't care what she's doing. I don't care what he's doing. It doesn't really matter. It's fine. It's not fine. 584 00:49:50,460 --> 00:49:57,460 Don't accept mediocrity. Anybody that's ever accomplished anything in this world has done it through caring. 585 00:49:57,460 --> 00:50:11,460 Okay, you don't put a man on the moon like, ah, you know, maybe, maybe a man on the moon come. I don't know. Yeah. Why not? Why not means not? Why not means not? How about, yes, period, done. I care. We're making it happen. You got to care. 586 00:50:11,460 --> 00:50:21,460 Okay, you got to care. And you got to care about the small circle of people that matter in your life. So if you're caring about everything, you're kind of caring about nothing, right? Because you're spreading it thin. 587 00:50:21,460 --> 00:50:32,460 If you care so much, about 50 things, you're going to wear out. And you're not really going to be able to put the massive energy into the things that really mattered. It will give you the dream in the life you want. 588 00:50:32,460 --> 00:50:43,460 So the reality is you can work really hard in your job for 10 years and have a good career and that's fantastic. Okay, but if all of a sudden you're working hard in your marriage for the first three and then you start getting week. 589 00:50:43,460 --> 00:50:50,460 Year four, year five, year six, and you don't really, you care. You love the person, but you're not putting the work in like you do in your career. 590 00:50:50,460 --> 00:51:01,460 Well, you're working out your body or whatever it is you're doing, you're putting the energy and you're getting results, but you're not going to get energy in your marriage unless you make it the number one priority. You got to care. 591 00:51:01,460 --> 00:51:15,460 And we're going to talk in future sessions about this in much more depth. I'll start with that on the next one about what you how to get yourself to a point to where you care and you start doing the things you need to do. 592 00:51:15,460 --> 00:51:25,460 I believe that if you go for your dreams, you can be a sensitive, kind, loving, warm, wonderful person who's tough and strong, who goes after what they want and gets it. 593 00:51:25,460 --> 00:51:38,460 And that's what we're going to do together and I will do that. Feel free to email. If you have any questions, I can bring those up in future sessions at coaching@agrowingspace.com. Certainly you can do that again. 594 00:51:38,460 --> 00:51:53,460 Again, coaching@agrowingspace.com. You can reach me at 6232024553 and you can, we are a growing space, www.agrowingspace.com. 595 00:51:53,460 --> 00:52:02,460 And when I am looking forward to our future sessions where we can really go after our dreams again, you can follow on Instagram @nobiasmarriagecoach. 596 00:52:02,460 --> 00:52:09,460 And I am very happy to be a part of this and help you and help myself and help us all get the marriage of our dreams. 597 00:52:09,460 --> 00:52:16,460 Thank you so much for your first session. We'll talk about principles moving forward and have a wonderful, wonderful day. 598 00:52:16,460 --> 00:52:25,460 Thanks for tuning in to Marriage Coach 444-NOBBS with Frances Peca. 599 00:52:25,460 --> 00:52:37,460 We hope today's episode has been inspiring to hope you work for achieving your dream life. Let change begin now until we talk again. Have a wonderful NOBBS week. 600 00:52:37,460 --> 00:52:57,460 [Music]