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[MUSIC]

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Welcome to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with Francis Peca.

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Over the next hour you're going to learn what it really takes to work towards dumping average

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and gutting the amazing marriage and life you dream of.

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No edge shells being walked on here.

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This is as authentic as it gets.

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Now, here is Francis.

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[MUSIC]

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Welcome to Marriage Coach 444 No BS with myself, Francis Peca.

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As always, we are here to get you the marriage of your dreams.

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With the right amount of work as you know, I say it all the time,

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you can have what you want in life.

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Just got to be committed to go get it and that's what we're here for today and as always.

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As you know, my soul mate and I, my wife and I have a company called A Growing Space.

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You could always check us out at www.agrowingspace.com.

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You could always email at coaching@agrowingspace.com or you could even call us at 6232024553.

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Obviously we have clients all the time, but if you call our texts,

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we will always try and get back to you as soon as we possibly can.

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Today, I am really, you're very pleased, excited to have a guest.

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And that, his name is Patrick Cuebler and he is a client that I had for the last couple of years

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and have that is truly an inspiration to me.

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One to bring on my first guest, I really felt that he was the appropriate person to have as the first guest.

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And that is really because he just inspires me.

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And as a coach, I try to inspire people. I like to believe I do that.

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When I coach people, I believe I'm trying to inspire myself as well.

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And he is one of those unique individuals that is able to inspire the coach.

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And I feel that I've been lucky enough to help him and I think that he's been an inspiration to help me as well.

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And I can get into that a little bit later.

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During the first segment here, we usually have three segments in our show.

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Before our break, I'm just going to get into it like I always do, which is going solo

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and really talking about principles that I believe will really help you have the marriage of your dream.

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So I'm going to do that.

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And then our second segment will reach out and talk to Patrick.

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One thing that I want to talk about today is an article that I wrote.

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And I want to talk a little bit about it after I read it.

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I'm going to read it to you first.

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And I call it Turn It Inside Out.

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Called The Inside Out Theory. This is something that I truly believe that many of us do consistently.

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And it gets us into trouble in our marriages and in our life.

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And within our family, our children and our spouse.

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And I'm going to read this to you right now.

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Well, you head to the office on a Monday morning.

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Yeah, you're kind of tired and have a lot going on your plate today.

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You have been doing this job now for six years and well, you know, kind of feel a little burn out.

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But hey, overall, you like your job and here you are.

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Your coworkers say good morning and you reply with a big smile and say, "Good morning to you."

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In fact, you crack a quick innocent joke and head to your office and merely play some upbeat music.

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By lunchtime, you head out with a few of your closer workmates

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and have an upbeat lunch laughing at some of the issues that come up on the job.

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You actually are kind of inspirational and people love it.

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In fact, your boss comes up to you and says, "You really help our culture and we need more upbeat people,

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just like you, that are just full of life."

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You smile back at your boss and say, "Thank you so much. Just being myself, the workday comes to a close and you come home."

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Now on this Monday, you have bills, chores and responsibilities to do at home as well.

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When you get home, your kids say, "Hi."

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You say, "Comely, high, back."

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And the kids kind of just are taking back a little, any energy drops just a little.

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But hey, no issues here.

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Your wife or husband come home just a few minutes after and say, "How was your day?"

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You say, "What?"

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"I'm thinking right now and I just need a few times to think. Is that okay?"

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And your wife or husband said, "Sure, that's fine. No worries."

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The night proceeds and there's really nothing wrong, but there's really nothing right, just a flat night on a Monday.

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See, many times we view ourselves as a vibrant, funny, optimistic person, full of life because well,

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our social life is proof of it. You just wish you had this vibrant life inside your heart.

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What happened?

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The fact is you are the vibrant, amazing person who's somewhere along the line lost it with the people that truly matter.

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And well, if they matter so much, then what's going on?

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Rather than create an image of an amazing person who is actually a fake self falling short at home,

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turn everything inside out.

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Make the foundation, leadership, and amazing positive vibrancy, the core of who you are,

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truly with the people that really matter first.

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When it's real, you can actually reach the heights and dreams you always wished for.

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Then when it's real, it will naturally just shine in all aspects of your life.

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Then next time you are feeling a little down and want to know what to do, turn it all around.

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Turn it inside out.

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And I wrote that and it's on our website if you want to read it or just listen to it again.

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What am I saying?

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It's too many times we show we have the ability to be vibrant, funny, intelligent, witty,

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and inspire people.

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And then we identify ourselves as this amazing person.

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Yet when the doors close and we come home and our children or our partner look at us and maybe they're

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having a top day, maybe they're having a great day, but regardless, you come home and you have

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responsibilities just like you do it life or you did it work. What do we do? We tone it down.

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We bring it down a few notches and we create a culture that is two different people,

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a social self and then our real self. And if you ask, in any time I ask people, who is the most

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who is the most important people in your life? Most will tell me it's my children and my partner.

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But yet we have the ability to do all the right things and capture people's imagination

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with our energy and inspiration in the outside world, but yet we don't have the fortitude and

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strength to do that at home. If we get the fortitude and strength to do this at home as your main priority,

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it becomes a real essence of who you are and you know you're doing that with the people that

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really matter and when you do that and then on the outside world you shine as well because it's

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truly who you are. It doesn't feel fake anymore, doesn't feel like an act. It becomes a true

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representation of yourself and this is how you create bonds and love and it gives you one more

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piece of ammunition to get you to the place you want to go which is to have an amazing family

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and reach for the marriage of your dreams. I truly believe that and I don't just say that lightly,

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I really really believe that. That you know it's easy to do the right thing outside of the world

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and then when you come home and you're a different person and I'm telling you you got to put the

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work in to do it the other way around. I don't mean to be rude on the outside world but make your

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emphasis your family and then have it be real and then let that bleed on the other aspects of your

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life because it will be truly who you are. I believe that with 100%. Now people may argue with that

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concept and say well you know but the reason I'm like that with my wife or grouchy a lot or my kids

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or my husband is because well I feel the most comfortable with them. I don't have to fake it. I'm not

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trying to keep my job. Well you may not be trying to keep your job and you feel that you have to do

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that in the outside world but you want to keep your marriage. You want to be happy. You want to reach

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your dreams. You want your children happy? Let me ask you that question because if you really

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are telling me that your main priority is to have the marriage of your dreams then you better turn it

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inside out. I mean turn it inside out. Make the priority when you go home. Even if you're growl

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cheap, even if you feel like you can get away with it. Make that your priority. I say it all the time

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if you had a job for five years and you're doing great and you're getting promoted and you're moving

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up the ranks and you feel great about yourself would you after five years go to your manager your boss

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or even if you own a business as an entrepreneur and say you know what I've been doing this for five

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years I've worked really hard and I've proved myself so I just want to let you know for the next two

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years I'm not really going to work. I'm going to come in bring the TV and phone music I'm not really

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going to work maybe five minutes a day that's about what you're getting out of me but you better pay

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me you think you're going to do that you would never do it because instantly you know that there's a

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cost in doing that it's called your job you might be lucky enough to have a manager who's going to say

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you're going through some problems will give you a month or two maybe maybe probably not but maybe

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you've given us five good years you know let's see if we can get through this but it is not going to

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take long where you know it's over the game's over you're out so we're able to condition

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ourselves to do the right thing in the outside world but if you ask if I asked you what's most important

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your job or your family or your kids with your husband or your wife you're always saying it's my

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it's my partner my wife my husband my kids they're my number one well if that's true you got to put

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the emphasis and priority on them and then that will bleed into the success of your of your other

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aspects of your life take that really into consideration as you navigate through life and you're really

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hoping that you could have the relationship you've always wished for and I wrote that again if you

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want to read it check it out on our website or relist into it or push put some deep thought into it

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because you have to condition yourself to be strong in your mind to do what's right we're going to

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talk a little later in our second segment with Patrick as I mentioned and he's going to tell you

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exactly how he does it you don't think I'm well we'll all let him do the speaking but you'll hear

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you know you think it's all easy for him every single day just oh yeah it's just perfect they can

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it to him on a silver plate everyone's jumping around how happy life is no there's times when he's

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had it hard but you know what he does he got the fortitude to make it work and sometimes I'm sure he

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doesn't feel like they have a smile in that moment but he does it and it creates the energy that he wants

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to have the smile and then it bleeds on the other things next thing you know wait I'm a happy guy

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and I'm living my life you know the way I want and being leased about it one more thing I want to

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talk about today in this first segment is what I call protect and I hear this over and over and

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over went again with couples and if we don't we don't finish this I can bring this up again in a

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future time either later today or in another future episode but protection why is it that we will

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protect our children at all cost but we will not protect our partner if your son or daughter came

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home and said crying saying they're their friends said that they were stupid or dumb or ugly or something

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something to hurt them you would quickly protect them what are you talking about you're great looking

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girl great looking boy what are you talking about you're super smart they don't know what they're

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talking about you build that kid up you want them to feel strong and protected and safe then you

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might give them a real nice lesson about hey you know and in life people are going to tell you

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things that are they're going to hurt but they don't know what they're talking about you got to be

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strong so you would build them up you'd protect them or protect her with everything you have

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and you know what you would be doing you'd be creating a bond with your child because you're

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protecting them you're building them you're helping them become strong but yet if you're with a

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a partner well they're a grown adult as if grown adults don't have feelings as if grown adults don't

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want to be protected as if grown adults don't want to feel safe what do you think you graduate

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what do you think you turned 21 and you're allowed to drink and you turned 21 and lose your

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ability to have feelings or get hurt you know it's not like all of a sudden you know you reach a

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point in life where it's like you graduated out of your feelings a grown man or a grown woman

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means there's certain things that you you know you would believe that you would have responsibilities

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to maintain but that doesn't mean your feelings can't get hurt that doesn't mean if you're in a

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relationship you don't want to feel protected so I tell everyone you have to always protect your

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partner especially in public especially in public now if you're sitting there and you're in love with

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your wife or your husband and you're at a dinner party and you have that one jerk it comes in and

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they're eating the food and they say yeah and your wife can't cook it's terrible or maybe they don't

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say it to you directly maybe it's indirectly and you hear them and they're making it clear and she

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hears it you hear it and you're gonna sit there and smile and say oh well you know you know

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you know what you can do no you protect and you can do it with dignity and class and etiquette and

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still be the man or woman to protect your partner well let me tell you something about I don't care

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if it's true or not now I'm gonna I don't advocate lying but I do what you got to do you protect first

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so what do you do I would say straight up well first of all make it clear my wife is an amazing cook

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okay and if you don't like to me don't totally understand you have a right to not like that me but I'll

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tell you this woman's incredible she does this this this this and this and you know just so you know

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and I couldn't be more lucky you do that and you might think your partner might say to you well that's

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not necessary I don't need that I'm a grown up I don't need that forget what you need you give it

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it's not what you need you give it because when you give people love and protection don't think

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that your partner is not going to know what you did that will light them up in their soul that they

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hear you protecting them so when people I I've talked to people that have not protected each other and

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it is damaging to the relationship but when we start talking about protection just protecting the

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person you love you have a complete different sense of security safety and love I've seen in my

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experiences that have transformed relationships and we talk about so many different things in our

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podcast and this is just one protection and just that one alone is absolutely powerful powerful

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to truly change your relationship when you think about it it's like anything in life right if you

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continue to add powerful things to something like your relationship could be your business hey this

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is going to make us a ton more money we'd make this decision we're going to we're going to have this

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that all these additives you're going to build something that is just unstoppable protection alone is

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full of ammunition to just turbocharge your relationship and it's just one thing that we talk about

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think about that think about these two things today turn it inside out and protect put those two into

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play put some deep thought into it and just start practicing and like I always say you're going to

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fail practice and get ready to fail but you get back up and do it again and you maintain these two

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things just those two alone the endless topics we're talking gonna talk about and you will see

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major change at least I have time and time again with many clients thank you so much we're going to

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take a quick break and then when we get back we'll get started and then we're going to interview

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Patrick think you'll be really excited to to listen to him talk to you soon

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follow voice america at facebook.com/voiceamerica for juicy updates from your favorite radio show

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and podcasts. Marriage coach 4444 nob yes is a dynamic inspirational no-nonsense show with the

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objective to have the marriage of your dreams your host Francis paca will use his life findings on

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what he truly believes makes this reality he will use old school beliefs and move that into today's

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world together we will embrace all of our emotions to be 100% authentic and to feel free to feel

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again emotion kindness vulnerability leadership love resilience is where we will travel to we will

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not be here to walk on eggshells we are here to grow share and get strong marriage coach 4444 nob yes

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hosted by Francis paca weekly episodes available on demand on the voice america health and wellness channel

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these days everyone is looking for information on staying young healthy and fit the

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voice america health and wellness network is here to help you on your quest to better health and a

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better you we talk about everything from diet fitness and aging to substance abuse personal growth

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welcome back to marriage coach 44 nob yes with Francis paca we hope you are enjoying

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and learning from today's dynamic episode now back to the show with Francis

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welcome back to marriage coach 44 nob yes with myself france is paca glad to be back on our fourth

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episode to help you reach the marriage and life of your dreams today i'm going to be bringing

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on patrick as i talked about patrick cubler who is truly an inspiration before i do that i wanted

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to talk about one more topic as a segue i want to talk about the concept which i think is extremely

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paramount in having the life that you truly want and truly having the marriage that you want i

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think that this is a it absolute needed an item in your life and i think without it it just holds

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everything back and that's being true to yourself i think being true to yourself is something that

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you have to do be true to yourself before i even started this company i had a small part i

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caught it to be you coaching before we just joined together to just have it be a growing space and i

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just like the whole concept of being yourself i i i think that once you start selling out and being

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something that isn't you you're spending your whole life with this alter identity that never

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never feels right so inside you never get the shine and be vibrant and alive and full of life

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because you're always living to someone else's dream somebody else's interest someone else's

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expectations and in order to have the dream life for yourself that you want and the dream marriage

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you have to be true to yourself you know what i always say and i know it's just an example but i

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always say it starts with the sneakers and what do i mean by that doesn't have to start with

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the sneakers could be many example right it could be hair hair style you know dress you wear but i

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always say it from i guess because i'm a guy and i grew up as a boy so i always think of the sneakers

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and i always think about when you're young and you're enjoying life and you're just a happy innocent

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kid and then you get indoctrinated into the real world right and then your kid friends

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you go into school one day your mom buys your sneakers and you love the sneakers

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and you're happy as can be and you don't know anything else except you love them

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and then you get made fun of because maybe they're not a name brand

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and you're told that you have cheapos or cheap sneakers bobo's a used to call it in the 80s i don't

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know if they still call it that but you know bobo's junk whatever they want to call it cheap

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and your feelings get hurt and you know you you hold it together and you come home

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and you come home and you tell your mommy your dad hey you know i like to get new sneakers and then your

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mom and dad look at you and say we talk about just bought these a month ago they look great you love them

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you said you love them and they're like you have it they're like cheap ones mom they're like

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cheapies i don't want them and they're like who told you that well they're making fun of me mom

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they're making fun of me dad and so what do you do as a parent you feel bad right you feel bad for

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your for your for your daughter or your son so what do you do what do you do you you you wait

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for the birthday or you let them earn it or you feel bad enough and they're a good kid and you

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know you find a sale and you're like wow i'm 130 bucks for these but you go and you buy it

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and you do that for your kid and so here you go and your kid lights up oh my goodness i got the

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the great shoes right whatever they are okay whatever name brand it is doesn't matter what name

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brand it is plenty of good name brand sneakers nothing against the great sneakers it's just that

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the mindset is if you have to have that brand it must be this brand or that brand or this brand

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or that brand so you get that brand that you want and you go into school and what happens your

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friends all of a sudden say oh man you got those they're amazing and you're now what you're part of

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the club you're in the in club and you learn quickly in life that way to second if i give up what i

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like you may not even like the sneaker maybe you love them maybe you don't but it doesn't even matter

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because you've learned that if i adhere to other people standards i'm in the club i'm now accepted i'm

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cool whether you like them or not that's thrown out you just want to be cool forget liking them

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forget being true to yourself you're young you don't know so what happens is we we we we start becoming

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at that stage just the understanding that we can sell out

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and then what happens as we go into the real world is continues throughout all aspects of your life

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you i'm sure you've all seen it in corporate america when you're sitting there and you and you have to

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dress a certain way act a certain way whether you believe what it or not you're getting indoctrinated

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into being something to be in the club and you do this long enough over the years and consistent

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enough you find yourself unhappy you find yourself being something that's not you and it's extremely

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important in life to be you i'm telling you if you want to have the life that you want in the

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marriage you want i'd really believe you better be you and you know what people don't like it they don't

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like it and that makes me think of my client Patrick Kubler who i'd like to introduce today who is an

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inspiration to me who has helped me in so many ways just talking to him helping him helps me because

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in his inspiration he's 82 years old and Patrick i want to say hi and welcome to my show well thank

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you for asking me for instance i appreciate it i haven't got to say something about your kid

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there you know what i've done well you know probably what i did do in that age is i would have said to the

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people that were downgrading me because my shoes i'd have said you know something no they're the most

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comfortable shoe i've ever had by by keyword right by yeah so anyway that that interesting story

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but it's true it's true and never in my in my life i really never compared myself to somebody else

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yeah and that's helped tremendously don't compare yourself somebody else me you be you

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be you and you'll be happy and you'll be happy in your marriage in your life in your job

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in everything just everything it just changes everything when you're true to yourself and you know

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when you're when you're being yourself you know that there's going to be people that don't approve sure

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and then you don't i mean you can just say okay fine and then just move on and and be happy you know

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you have taught me a great deal my man and and it's it's i remember when i first came to you

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and let me explain so let's just let the audience know who you are so your Patrick i'm Patrick Kielberer

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and i live in ira's own uh i live here in ira's own i've been here's back well back here i'm not

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gonna go through all that but yes 1996 you're 82 years old and i live in uh uh uh uh uh

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a sun city and we started two years right and uh i'll let you take it from there and then one of

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the one of the reasons i was down is because my wife developed dementia and as the three and a half

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years went by i could no longer take care of her so we put her in assisted living and that's when i

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started to kind of go downhill and it wasn't really myself because myself has been you'll find out

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you know all my life practically i've been up i'm i like life i like people i help people

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but that was the thing to do so that's how i got a hold of frances and and uh i didn't want anybody i

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mean i call several people to be very frank with you and i don't want to lay on a couch

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and then again i want somebody and you're not going to believe this but i told him when i finally got

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a hold of him i said hey you're all right you know i'm so said but i don't want any bs

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and here we are but uh and i didn't and we never did we spoke outright said what was on our mind

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i could say what was on them the first time in my life probably i'm going back to my lovely wife

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uh who it's just too bad but i'm not going to get myself into some sinking although one moment or so

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in that transition period where we put her in assisted living i thought to myself you know i feel like

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taking a long walk off a short pier but of course i would never do that because i like myself too much i know

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so but you felt unhappy oh i was unhappy and i needed some other other than friends and relatives

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and that type of thing i needed somebody with some experience and with some education on

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life coaching and i came upon this guy sitting across from me here and uh in the frances and we hit her

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off we just hit her off and i liked what he had to say he helped me get through that downtime

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and i'm back to myself now i have been uh i'm believe it or not even though my wife is

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in assisted living i am a happy guy i belong to several clubs in uh sensitive

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and uh i'm doing keep myself busy and i also have quiet time very quiet time where i sit

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about tv or i'm looking out of my backyard you know i said you know in that backyard it's kind of

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nice and i do talk to myself if i start getting down about something i talk myself right out of it

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yep that's what i do because you're mentally strong well appreciate that but i think i am yes

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and i just simply tell myself pet what are you down for? knock it off let's take a walk

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you know let's let's do something and and and that's what i do and that's kind of my life it's always

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been my life and it's gotten better and better and better through help from uh well i want to thank

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you and i'll just take a quick minute just to tell you how i look at it from my perspective i say

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this all the time i get a kick out of it you know i know you say you know we spoke and we hit it

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off but before you did that i don't know if you remember you called me when you already had

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bought a package to for us to do session but you did call me and i said you were setting up the date

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and you said are you any good? i don't remember this but i you did i got a kick out of it and so

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you caught me off guard and at that point i said you know this guy is not going to work with this whole

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doing it a standard way that you got to be a straightforward and honest the way i believe should be

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it should be and when you said that i got a kick out of it but i said to myself i said with i

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work with with Patrick here i am not holding back i am going to do it exactly the way i believe

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it should be and i did it now i don't know what you're going to do you're going to kick me out

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but you didn't you took it i wasn't even easy on you i wouldn't say i was i i was caring and i

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i cared for you and i wanted to but i wanted i knew that i had to be honest with you

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and straight forward and and and and frankly no bullshit and i and i did that and the result was

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pretty cool and and you told me and i don't know if you remember this but you pointed your finger at

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me when you did it you're a pretty automated guy and i i love that and you said don't change

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you said be you and don't do it any other way this is your way and it works

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don't and you were like you know you did it in your like an emphatic like you better listen to me and i

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i took that that's two years ago and i remember you doing that and i and i will never forget it

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and i will tell you that story all the time because i never ever since then i do not have

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her hold back no and i said i wasn't going to before i met you but that was like the ammunition that

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said oh you know what it's go time it's green light time and i and i want to i want to say thank you

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to you for that because i find you inspirational um there are some principles well first of all a lot

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of the principles that i teach and i have them all written down they get endless that we'll talk about

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throughout the year um but a lot of these you've already done you already had built into you which is

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why you already are so in a good spot to to have the life that you have currently have right now

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and i'm going to talk about a few things that i jotted down and you can i'll let you touch on it as

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to what i think uh makes you so special and how you implement these things that some of them i

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think i taught but i think many of them you already knew and and maybe we just brought them out a

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little get them kind of get them going again and the first one i'm going to talk about a few of them

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in this finish this segment off and then the next one we're going to talk about them is you i always

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talk about cut out the noise whether it be politics whether it be other people yes i want you to touch

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on that because you 100% cut out the junk well i have found through life especially as we've gone on

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here in the in the two thousands and stuff like that you've got to cut some of that stuff out and

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don't let it get you down don't listen don't do it think for yourself believing you so on and so

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forth doesn't mean you have to punch somebody in the face because of whatever all the

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take all the legend everything who cares no ever i'm not not saying who cares but i'm saying like

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it could bother you or can make you happy but you know it's and i'm one i'm two each is own

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but i do my thing and i don't hate those people but i don't do it and you just got to be

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yourself you have an opinion and you that's right i'm still going to live the dream life you want

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and especially in the marriage and the book which is what you do yeah basically is

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you just the both of you can never stop talking to each other and how much you love them and how

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much you care about them and look let's not argue about that let's not argue about the kids let's

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help the kids and you know i'd love your philosophy and you helped me tremendously and i'll

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i'll love you forever well i will tell you one of the things you do all the time i think is the coolest

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thing is we're talking and sometimes just to make sure i'm always being respectful because obviously

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i'm pretty straightforward i'll say to you like that's like a body right i always say that

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and you look at me like are you kidding me like i live long and i've that long enough that's not

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gonna bother me yeah that's not an issue and that just goes to show how much you cut noise out like

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things yeah you don't spend too much time perseverating on the noise no and you what you do is you

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put your energy and time into the things that actually matter which is having a happy life you have

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being a good person what you are enjoying yourself just being fun and alive helping other people

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be happy like these are the things you do we'll talk about them but and you focus on them as opposed to

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letting all the other noise take you down and no yeah so when we get back this is we're gonna finish off

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the second segment here i'm gonna revisit this we're gonna talk about a few things that i again i

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jotted down that i think are extremely important in having the life and relationship of your dreams

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and i want to talk to you more about it when we get back okay all right we'll be back from marriage

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coach 444 no BS

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follow voice america at facebook.com/voysamerica for juicy updates from your favorite radio shows and

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podcasts. Marriage coach 444 no BS is a dynamic inspirational no nonsense show with the objective

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to have the marriage of your dreams your host Francis paca will use his life findings on what he truly

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believes makes this reality he will use old school beliefs and move that into today's world

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together we will embrace all of our emotions to be 100% authentic and to feel free to feel again

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emotion kindness vulnerability leadership love resilience is where we will travel to

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we will not be here to walk on eggshells we are here to grow share and get strong

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marriage coach 444 no BS hosted by Francis paca weekly episodes available on demand

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welcome back to marriage coach 444 no BS with Francis paca we hope you are enjoying

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and learning from today's dynamic episode now back to the show with Francis

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welcome back to marriage coach 444 no BS with Patrick cubler we are talking today about different concepts

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that i believe make you have the life and marriage of your dreams client of mind Patrick cubler is

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just an i think an amazing guy that is just such an inspiration and what we were talking about is

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you know the different things that i think that he has many of it he's just had his whole life in

393
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:12,320
them some i think from our conversations we brought it back out maybe added a few along the line

394
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:18,320
but he's just flourishing living such a cool life and you know i have people sometimes they'll say

395
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:23,440
you know i'm 65 years old i can't have the marriage of my dreams or i can't have the life of my dreams

396
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:28,240
and i always think of Patrick and this is well if he certainly can why can't you you know and

397
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:32,320
sometimes people think of themselves well yeah well maybe he's had it easy maybe he's just one of

398
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:36,320
those lucky people that everything's been handed to him and so the reason why you're listening to

399
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:41,120
Patrick he's positive and he's this and he's that and all the things that we're going to talk about

400
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:46,000
that you know well maybe it's just because he's had the perfect simple life and i'll be here to

401
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:52,160
tell you that's not true i i don't think Patrick's had it perfectly easy what you agree with that

402
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:59,920
i would certainly agree with that i was i never knew my real dad you know i was born and raised in

403
00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:08,000
the black hill of soft Dakota my mother came out to her family her mom and dad to have me they lived

404
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:15,120
in Chicago got married in Chicago and this was the september 15th 1941 and everybody a lot of people

405
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:22,960
know what happened December 7th 1941 the war started and my real dad went into the service and when

406
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:29,280
he came back whatever reason whatever rather that they got a divorce of the male and i never did

407
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:35,760
know and the only thing the bothers me Francis but i don't know what my you know i'm in pretty good shape

408
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:40,320
for no boy you know i feel good my i got a bad back and a bad knee you know that stuff you know

409
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:48,560
that you have but uh so i grew up with really without a dad for a long time for my first five six

410
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:54,720
years then my mother remarried moved to custer south Dakota blah blah blah and my dad stepped

411
00:39:54,720 --> 00:40:01,360
at the pew will was an alcoholic and my dad was an alcoholic yeah that was not a lot of fun

412
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:11,360
but i did it i did things for me i was a pretty decent basketball player track man you know

413
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,960
around the hundred and there's you 20 hours fast anybody that want to beat me up never caught me

414
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:23,920
yeah you know and uh so no i didn't have a uh yeah but i didn't let it for some reason and i can't

415
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:31,680
release fainted anybody i never let it bother me i did my thing enjoyed what i enjoyed

416
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:38,560
and i always felt pretty good always felt pretty good about myself now did i go around pat myself

417
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:45,440
in the back to hey guys i'm really special no and i still don't do that yeah but i'll walk into a

418
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:50,880
restaurant and i'll be seated by somebody and i'll walk by a table and i said hey guys keep it down

419
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:55,600
not well yeah you know just keep keep it keep it loose and they they love it they start laughing

420
00:40:55,600 --> 00:41:01,600
and i love that fun i can make people laugh i should have been a comedian you know i really should

421
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:07,280
but but i do that a lot i do it anywhere i go well you've seen it you've seen it at the coffee shop

422
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:14,160
that i would use to see you walk in and it's like you like the place out and and i don't

423
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:20,480
get a big head about that is what i'm trying to say you're humble but you're full of light you know

424
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:26,880
and it's the same with marriage you know you've got to laugh with each other and i'm telling you

425
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:31,840
something folks you start laughing with each other and coming you know and being honest with each other

426
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:38,080
you'll have that perfect marriage i agree and you know what you do you don't take yourself i mean you

427
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:42,960
you you have pride in yourself but you don't take yourself so seriously that you can't have a real

428
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:47,840
conversation with absolutely and in a marriage you need that right because sometimes you're

429
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:52,480
going to be the one who makes a mistake that's right sometimes it's funny and admit it and laugh

430
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:57,120
some time you know laugh about it you know your couples like you know you fall and you trip and you're fine

431
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:01,200
you know you stub your toe and maybe the partner got a giggle out of it's a healthier you do that

432
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:05,920
well sometimes it's funny i'm not saying if you break your ankle i'm just saying like you know like

433
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:12,160
sometimes you gotta laugh at yourself have a little fun absolutely you do that you know i remember

434
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:17,040
and i don't share this but do you remember when we had a session and you walked out and you tripped

435
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:23,360
you tripped on the dirt there's a hole in the dirt yes remember that yes and i remember how you

436
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:28,400
reacted and you were like you popped yourself back up and you made i don't remember the exact words

437
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:33,280
but it was funny you said something humorous and you were fine you're like oh that'll be hurt tomorrow

438
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,720
but you said something funny in a life and then you were fine and maybe it hurt the next i don't know

439
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:42,160
i don't remember i don't know but you were fine in next week but all i know is you were fine and you

440
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:49,200
were funny and upbeat about you know how many people would have been like oh my goodness this is a

441
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:55,440
disgrace i don't know what to do negative and and you and you the way you handle it i thought to

442
00:42:55,440 --> 00:43:01,360
myself i'm working with a guy that people 20 30 40 years younger couldn't handle this the way

443
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:05,360
handled in the way you handle it and that's why you have the life you were and i'm telling you

444
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:13,040
Francis i don't know how it came from other than the fact i know that my mother was terrific she was

445
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:20,400
a great singer i love music and and i had a group when we used to sing my son my oldest son now is

446
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:26,160
is with a very famous group we honest with you not so much down on this neck of the woods but

447
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:31,360
the whole stead is his name and he's all over his australian England son is my rights all the music

448
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:39,760
yeah and so you know music was our thing and i just and i love doing that and it helps and so anything

449
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:45,280
little hobby that you can come up with can help and can help in the marriage too and it's

450
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:51,360
it's it's you know and i'm okay you want me to tell you the truth yeah i've been married four times

451
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:58,400
okay okay that my last marriage lasted the longest i've ever had 25 years for some reason

452
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:03,520
we just hit her down and this is the young lady that's in assisted living with the mencha yeah

453
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:08,880
and how many years for you guys live in the dream together 25 right we're going on like you know

454
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:14,560
you lasted two years every person oh no no no no no and and it's just and i still

455
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:22,240
well my point is you had a very long relationship yes and and we just we love music we love going

456
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:26,560
out we love do you know it's just one of those things just it just happened took me four times

457
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:30,720
for god's sake well it may have taken you four times but you've always told me that you've made a few

458
00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:34,080
mistakes along the way that you would have done a few things a little differently absolutely

459
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,640
you took accountability one of the things i always say is in a relationship you have to take

460
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:45,600
accountability yes you do as you grew as a man and as a human being you put yourself in position

461
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:50,240
along with all the attributes that you had put them all together and you had a quarter of a

462
00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:54,880
century with somebody that you loved and had an amazing life yes and then got to a point in your

463
00:44:54,880 --> 00:45:01,360
life where you did have to go to take her to assisted living in your eighties yeah and you're now

464
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:07,840
living that an amazing life i am i'm i'm i'm with the barrel buddies out there in in the sun city

465
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:14,880
the wine club here i become quite a wine oh and how do you make it sound like you're out really are

466
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:21,840
no i'm not a white when i call a wine oh i know now a wine oh is learning about wine and and son

467
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:27,040
and so forth i'm vice president of the photo club and enjoying that immensely i set up all the

468
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:32,800
field trips that we go on take pictures and i just keep busy can you just go as a road trip last

469
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,800
year with your family you've a guy i went up and put the black back to the black hills after 20 some

470
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:42,960
years i hadn't been back there and saw my old home and all that stuff like it was fantastic i went

471
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:48,320
with both my sons yeah and one of my sons is married has a wife and we all with Corvus went

472
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:54,640
all over the place the mountainous endless driving and seen the world yeah it's don't stop you know

473
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:59,360
aren't you gonna do that again this summer to some ask me yeah i'm i'm heading up to california

474
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:04,400
and my my brother and law and sister have a little place up in trucky and i'm going up and

475
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:10,000
the sons are gonna be me there and we're gonna do a little hiking a little again like that and then

476
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:18,000
we're heading down to my sisters and my brother and laws and we're gonna celebrate my nieces

477
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:24,800
passing at 22 years old with cancer and she always does this butterfly release it's a thousand

478
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:33,440
butterflies and i mean you know so that's and even though she's tasked that makes me happy i mean

479
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:39,440
i've never seen it so i'm only two hours away from where they live yeah okay when i'm in trucky

480
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:47,040
we're going down so keep busy and when you are you have your wife or husband beside you

481
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:53,520
get together and talk about the things that really bother you and then lap a bottle

482
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:57,280
and so i'm gonna fix that and i am gonna fix it

483
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:02,000
sack you know and not what i said would i always talk about take the accountability you know i always

484
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,480
say this i don't even know if you because we don't talk about remarriage no but you just said exactly

485
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:11,520
was i always say when when someone's insecure or worried about something instead of putting it on

486
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:15,760
them and say well it's your problem i say take the responsibility absolutely you don't say you

487
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:20,560
know what if that bothers you share i'm gonna fix it what did you just say i'm gonna fix it yes i am

488
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:25,360
going to fix you've never heard me even talk about this concept it's built in the way you think that's

489
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:31,120
just for whatever reason i don't know why but i that's the way i think oh that's my fault that's

490
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:35,680
why you're together 25 years and someone can listen to you and say well for this guy's been married

491
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:41,680
for a time and i mean i'm i gonna learn this because you know what you are you are always willing to

492
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:47,440
learn and grow think about this if you look at his own paper and you say okay your fault you

493
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:53,200
alcohol it right okay okay you went through four marriages right right and you said you've learned

494
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:57,280
this mistake you've had some mistakes along the way that you had to learn remember that right you

495
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:02,800
took accountability right well that's right haven't had it easy and then so so then you had 25 years

496
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:06,720
of all this growth and had the the marriage of your dreams do you know how many people at your

497
00:48:06,720 --> 00:48:13,280
point would say there's no way in hell i'm gonna ever meet someone and have 25 years after this track

498
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:19,600
record of it not working they'd say it's over but no because you grow never say never yes

499
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:26,480
never say never you're right it's just the two the middle two wives not to get over here that they left

500
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:32,480
me they had things they wanted to do with their life right and i wasn't right in with them and

501
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:41,040
then on that but you know what i still loved them and i still talk to them you know i'm not going to

502
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:46,800
get into a lot of but you know but i still talk to them in fact they both moved down here to

503
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:54,720
Arizona and we were always friends and and i respect them and i respect them and i accept them

504
00:48:54,720 --> 00:49:00,880
yep and you know what they like me because i was funny yeah i know i don't know but you were funny

505
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:06,080
but you're you grew so much i mean you always had a lot of these attributes but that you are always

506
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:10,800
willing to say but i need something to do this i need to do that you're always growing yes you're

507
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:15,840
always making incremental improvements and then eventually that's why you got to where you were

508
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:20,800
now someone could say okay well this guy was okay fine he finally figured out how to have the

509
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:25,200
marriage of his dreams and that's what it was right i mean that was the marriage of your dreams

510
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:30,320
absolutely yeah so for 25 years you have the marriage of your dreams and then someone say yeah

511
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,920
you know what he finally figured out good for him he put all these principles in place but then he

512
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:40,000
lost his wife so to speak in terms of being together you know like the way it was and now he's

513
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:44,880
was about the release he was starting to really get down and and did he quit?

514
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:52,800
nope did he get back up? yep did he seek you know some guidance? yep did he push himself back up?

515
00:49:52,800 --> 00:50:00,000
yep and look at where you are now i know i i absolutely feel great and uh yes i'm sad

516
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:06,880
for Kathy my wife of course i am you'd love her you know but she's doing she's hanging in there

517
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:12,560
but that's her she's still saying yes she's got a necom machine that i gave her share comes and she

518
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:20,000
should play share songs yeah in the way she goes so you know that's good let me ask you this question

519
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:24,800
because i know we got about yeah over three minutes i want to i want to get this out how many

520
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:29,120
you know no names or anything like that just in general just your general experience in life

521
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:34,240
you know you you're 82 years old and i'm sure you come in the lot of contact i would imagine right

522
00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:41,120
with people in your age category. Oh sure um would you say that in general all the people around you

523
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:46,160
in general are optimistic or pessimistic?

524
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:54,000
i'd have to say probably the better percentage i don't know what that percentage is is pessimistic

525
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:57,600
there's a lot of pessimistic people out of there but i understand a lot of it.

526
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:04,160
yeah you know they bloss their husbands and their boss you know i mean i mean one of those things you know

527
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:09,840
not a brand new. You're an empathetic man and that's amazing that's right. But what's the lesson is i

528
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:15,200
guess what i'm trying to get at is that what is the lesson for those individuals that get caught

529
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:20,560
into negative thinking that you truly love know that they're that they that they have an amazing

530
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:27,920
person inside them but they they need the help and they need to get to the next level you know

531
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:33,120
anyone who is saying oh i can't get it i can't have that anymore. What's your advice to them that's

532
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:40,560
what i want to get. i said oh yes you can yes you can you can if you just stay positive keep looking

533
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:44,720
forward doing something that you like and having fun especially if you're alone

534
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:53,920
no that's at my age bracket you know and there's a lot of just keep going and like yourself

535
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:59,840
i like myself you always look at the positive of every i try to do that all the time and when i

536
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:06,720
get down what you do you just fix it very fast because you correct it i said pat get up go do

537
00:52:06,720 --> 00:52:12,160
something you know but think and sad to me. remember when you told me that you turned it around and

538
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:18,320
how long does it take you now. when you said ten is that really true most of the time yes most of

539
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:24,000
the time you feel really bad. just oh your self i said what do i do. what am i doing. what am i doing

540
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:29,680
not gonna work. get up have a have a glass of wine. you have to make your own pause benefit analysis

541
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:35,600
that he's sticking in this negative line of thinking he's not gonna get you anywhere. no especially

542
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:40,160
in marriage and in friends and things like that and you know what i think you know correct me if i'm

543
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:45,040
wrong you know sometimes people say fake it to you make it i believe that you do it long enough you

544
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:51,360
eventually get it but you do it you do it so much that it's just ingrained in you that no matter

545
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:56,240
even when you do feel down by you knowing that that's your go to to be positive you generally

546
00:52:56,240 --> 00:53:02,640
become happy. yes it's your identity. it's become natural with me you know. that's not that i'm not

547
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:10,000
smart it's just that i feel that way. yeah well i want to say thank you for being my dad today.

548
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:16,640
you inspire me all the time. i feel you know less that you tell me that i've helped you.

549
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:24,160
i mean that and i appreciate that you've always told me to do it your way which you know i believe in

550
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:29,200
and i'll always tell you to do it your way because obviously it's working and thank you so much for

551
00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:38,160
being a guest on my show today for all the listeners you know this is an inspiration to go get the life

552
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:44,400
and marriage of your dreams it's real it can be done you just got a fight for it it can be done

553
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:50,480
you've see proof it is being done and thank you so much today for the episode on marriage coat

554
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:57,920
on france's payka marriage coach 444 no bs until next time have a great rest of your week

555
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:09,600
thanks for tuning in to marriage coach 444 no bs with france's payka we hope today's episode has

556
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:17,440
been inspiring to hope you work for achieving your dream life let change begin now until we talk again

557
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:27,600
have a wonderful no bs week

558
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:29,920
you

559
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,000
you

560
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:40,800
[MUSIC]